Welcome to Week 96 of The Bonfire of the Vanities!
You're at File it Under where, ironically enough, nothing is filed anywhere and we don't even have categories. But this week we do have lots of horrible posts to sift through and mock so let's get started (in no particular half-assed order)!
- John Hyman *snicker* of Dodgeblogium will keep his day job. I like the "knock knock" version of this joke better:
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Just keep scrolling! - Delinking because of ideal differences = punkish. Delinking because of floater poetry = up for debate. Guilty poet Buckley F. Williams needs a time out in the corner.
- Carpe Bonum is a dreamer. You think national politics are dirty? Try local politics. Odds of Carpe's neatly bulleted five-point plan being executed, 143,092:1. Odds of an average blogger reading through the entire post, 20:1. Let's keep the fairy tales pithy.
- Ironman of Political Calculations learns how TV shows can edit their footage to lead you astray. Result: Ironman's prediction is instantly fired.
- There's bad puns then there's Sean's American Mind entry. Sean, no posts for you, THREE MONTHS!!
 - Ferdinand T. Cat posts while watching Fox's 24. Yep, that's it, folks. Hold your hair balls as next week Ferd posts from the litter box! Craptastic!
- A Dodgeblogium 2-for-1 day! This post? A crappy movie compilation with no theme whatsoever. Techno, fingers, flash, scuba tanks and a Simpson's parody. Redeeming factor: the scuba tank shooting video has 'splosions 'n stuff.
- Jay Allen of The Zero Boss digs deep into today's tough issues. Today's hard hitting exclusive: HaL0 p0zErz r teh sUx0rZ!! [language warning]
- Ever notice how traffic patterns on blogs go down dramatically at night and on the weekends? Not Beth from Bama Pachyderm. She posts on Friday night and spazzes out at the low response. Beth, I think I speak for earth when I say we do stuff on Friday nights that 0.00% of the time involves blogging. [language warning]
- The 98% suck-free blogger/citizen journalist Rusty Shackelford of My Pet Jawa can't stop getting the scoops. He recently breaks one wide open. Why does al Queda hate America so? American Imperialism? Zionist empathizers? Paris Hilton? No... it's much worse than that. The implied rimshot was denied.
- Laurence Simon of isfullofcrap thinks folks will bet on anything. I would tend to agree. As a matter of fact, I'll offer this handicap. Odds that bettors on this entry will go to hell, 1:1. Beware of lightning, heathens!
- Will Franklin of WILLisms.com is quickly becoming a can't miss blog full of pictures and in-depth blogging commentary. So how do you instantly buck this great trend and all that flattery? A one-damn-word post... *sigh*
- Elisson of Blog o'Thesamename posts (on purpose) a display of a good reason why the U.S. layfolk eye-roll those danged Ivy Leaguers. Visit to scoff at the fashion - stay to ogle The Mistress whom I officially, as of eight minutes ago, have a blogcrush on.
 Used without any permission whatsoever
- Brian J. Noggle gives us this post as a BotV submission. NAY, Brian! Not a bad post. For you, I detect a World Health Organization nomination! Kickbacks not included.
- Superhawk of Rightwing Nuthouse submits some tired satire. Or is it tired satire? That's what sucks... is this post real or faked? A little clarification, Hawk? [Ted Kennedy naked Twister warning. No, really.]
- Josh of Mulitple Mentality sends an entry regarding... erm... "cabin decompression." Look, Josh... just because BotV consists of crap posts... ah nevermind.
- And it takes a proud man to submit this. In summary, Mike of Interested-Participant guarantees female flame comments with "Pay Hubby Money." Free tip: No spousal tips from Saudi friggin' Arabia. That'll go over as well as a fart on an airplane... ... ...deja vu.
- Pajama Pundit Donna waxes nostalgic on phone lines. Lots of bathroom stall grafitti have gone obsolete in tandem. In similarly-exciting news, I'm going to live-blog washing dishes and comment on the days of rabbit ear antennas next week. Yay.
- Oh my... yeah, um Kevin of Technogypsy posted this steamer. Hey, Kev... I'm sure there's folks blogging radishes and ball bearings, too, bud. It doesn't mean we have link them now does it?
And just like that, week 96 is history. Future BotV hosts: - Week 97 (May 9) - Pirate's Cove
- Week 98 (May 16) - Conservative Cat
- Week 99 (May 23) - Available! Get it!!
Thank you Kevin, submitters and readers. May all your entries not suck like these. I hope you'll come back to visit us here at FIU where every post is Bonfire of the Vanities quality or better. FIU supports Next Blog>> Site of the Day & Sister Blogs. Find a sister blog today! Are you a small blog and like FIU? Let's link exchange. Ask Gail, I use the exchange frequently! [ see sidebar] Random Bonfire Trivia! As a graduate of Texas A&M, I recognize the picture Wizbang uses for BotV. How can you tell that's an Aggie Bonfire? The outhouse on the top is symbolic of our rival, The University of Texas. Have a great week! |
