Bush, Rove Redouble Efforts

Rovian-designed hurricane/weather machine proving unweildly with age FP Washington, D.C - President Bush and Karl Rove are finding that hurricane Wilma may be a bit harder to direct and maintain than previous Gulf hellstorms. "Yeah, Katrina was fairly easy to maintain power and direct," Rove said. "Of course as CRAWFORD ages, it gets harder for us to direct these things at minorities and blue voter pockets in red states. CRAWFORD is the name of Rove's design and stands for Climate Rejecting Atmospheric Weather Forecaster/Redirector/Destructor. "As you can see in hindsight, Rita got a little hard to maintain a heading and we were able to salvage her path and avoid all those wealthy Houston donors and Tom Delay's house." "George wanted to name it 'Rummytummy' but I nixed that pretty quick," Rove said. The machine gives Karl and George the ability to generate and aim these massive gulf storms that are capable of killing millions. "As long as those greenie and euro morons are yelling global warming, we'll continue to fly under the radar here -- weather radar that is," Rove cackled. But overusage this year has taken its toll on CRAWFORD and rumors of a version 2.0 have surfaced recently. Rove said he wouldn't comment on such rumors at the moment, "Especially with these microphones and cameras here." After inquiring on Wilma's probabe target packages and why they didn't include the blue coastal areas of Louisiana, Texas and New Orleans again, Rove only quipped "Why beat a dead horse?" "Our hopes are to get it to hit either D.C., where we'll be in safe, undisclosed locations, New York City 'cause there's a buncha Demos there too or Ted Kennedy's house." It may prove easier said than done as CRAWFORD's equipment gets more inaccurate with age and use. When asked where the money for such expensive research and machinery would come from Bush said "You didn't really think all $60 billion of that Katrina aide was actually gonna be aide, did ya? And that's off the rec-- Hey Karl!! Grab 'el jefe' another Capri Sun! What was I saying?" Forecasters say we'll know how accurate the President and Rove are by mid-Tuesday, the 25th.