NeoCon Update

We have sucessfully supressed the P-Funk movement. They are broken, shattered and leaderless, kind of like Ted Kennedy's buick. There have been several results of this astounding success: 1. Lawn Flamingo placement is at a all time low. The Lawn Ornimentation Intellegence Commission that Hood suggested has funneled a lot of names to Cullen for "Lawn Re-Education." 2. I'm going to give out a lot of freaking medals. A LOT. I like medals, they are shiney and colorful and they distract blondes, which I found amusing. 3. We have taken a massive PR hit. That 3rd point concerns me. (I have a major deal going with Frosted Flakes and are close to a "commission" every time we use the term "Tony" or "Tiger" in our announcements. So, if this goes through all my stationary is going to have to be changed to "President Tiger" or Tiger President" or something like that. Anyway, this bad PR is hurting our "kick back generatio ratio.") With that in mind, I have suggested a few changes around the administration so that we can take people's mind off of the chared flamingo carcasses in the streets and help them remember the happier gentler days of baseball, hotdogs, apple pie and Tony the Tiger ($$). So Change number 1 is this: Our new logo. Sure it's less militant but the other one was so over the top and so "quasi-german" that I was afraid that Jeff Goldstien might turn on us. We don't need that drama. That man can argue you out of a half assed post and into a pine box all before his morning bowl of Frosted Flakes ($) gets soggy. So we got Karl Rove to design us a new one. We have football, guitars, oil, a baby seal to get a bit of the greeny vote, a cute kid in the Statue of Liberty costume, the pirate patch for extra charisma and a patriotic cow. Seriously, how American is that? That's right, pretty damn American. Our second change is this, we're running all future announcements through Ana's foo foo drink laden press conferences. And, all our annoucments are going to be done by this chick: When you scrolled down to this point your computer played a wav file telling you that we were "going to burn your houses to cinders if you put up a lawn orniment that even vaguely looks like a flamingo." Did you hear it? I didn't think so. That's because she wears that swimsuit and takes that little kid with her everwhere she goes. It's brilliant! Women are so facinated at this cute, yet appearently poor little kid with this white women holding a kite board. Men think.... well you can figure it out and it doesn't involve the kid at all. It looks like a viable alternative since Cullen and Wunderkraut's last press conference ended with public floggings (which I have Tivo'd and watch daily) but didn't exactly buy us much positive press with CNN's chaffing sores. Change number 3, open graft. We're just going to buy some approval. It's pretty simple. So send me some nice pork projects that you guys have that will stick within party ideology, and we'll buy our way back into the public graces. So remember my fellow NeoCons, when we make history the world will notice and when we make bad history, we'll just rewrite it and they'll forget. Foo Foo Drinks to the People!