The morning after... well, a weekend removed at any rate

Holy crap monkeys! It appears that, against the odds, we won the 2006 Weblog Awards vote. Of course, the vote has to be certified but considering that I'm not smart enough to rig these vacuum tubes on the inter-web, I feel pretty good about the whole thing. At this point I'm sure that the classy thing would be to acknowledge all the wonderful blog pals that we had that endorsed us. I'm stuck with how to do that though because right now I'm sobbing like Sally Fields accepting a academy award. I'm even wearing that same dress. It smells like early 80's mothballs but is oddly comfortable. I know that some of the other bloggers are playing the whole thing off. You know, the whole "I don't care if I win" angle or the "It's about exposure for the blogs" angle. Well, screw that! I wanted this win so bad I could taste it. I could taste it like Hannibal Lecter could taste the fava beans. Is that shallow? Sure. Is that a sign that I have no life? Yeah. Who cares? For once in my life I have a justification that I can throw at my wife when she asks why I'm still up and at the computer: "But sweety, it's a major award. I have a public to serve." It's like I'm channeling Ralphie's Dad in "A Christmas Story." (You'll shoot your eye out.) Seriously, Conservative Outpost scared the hell out of me from the beginning. For God's sake, the guy has real posts about facts and stuff. How was I going to compete with that. Hood, Dave, JR and Diana all use facts and stuff. Me, I rely subliminal messages. Luckily for me, you guys have flash plug ins on your browser so the messages worked. That was close. Doug Ross was another potential thorn in our side because he has 75% snark free posts. I almost had to make a move to get the FDA to lower his snark ratings so that we could compete. Thankfully, Jr came up with the idea of adding more sawdust to our mixture so we came out OK because our sawdust was imported from the finest sellers of Missouri beaver chips. Sawdust: the cheaper snark filler. Sean Gleeson was a class act, another limitation that I faced, but he wrote a cool concession speech. I'm pretty sure that means that while we might have won the award, he won the moral high ground. Damnitall... ok, who am I kidding? I've never had the high ground. Why start now? Gina Cobb has news, opinion and insight. We have Uma Thurman in a thong. Somehow that traffic contrast worked in our favor. A damning revelation of America's celebrity rife cruising habits but who am I to question the ways of the web? Us beating the Ramble Strip is even more difficult to understand. Seriously. Look at this. This is Kim, the blogger of the Ramble Strip. To quote Lightning McQueen: "Ka-chow!" This is me... I know.It's like trying to explain the Bermuda triangle. By all accounts we should have gotten soundly dominated. I guess the pie saved us. The Bodie Specter looked like he would knock us off for 3 reasons. 1, he has some great milblog links. 2, he's funnier than me, except when I've been drinking... then he's way funnier than me. 3, he's conservative in Washington State. Think about that. It's like picking a fight with a black cowboy during the Jim Crow era. You know he can whip your ass just because of his resistance to his native environment. My only guess is that over the web you can't smell fear, so he let us live....or maybe he's stalking us right now. The Chutry Experiment was a dark horse in my estimations. His blog is like a movie review /TV/sci-fi review site that is written by someone that isn't pretentious. I wasn't sure what the response in the polls would be. We, the movie public are so used to being condescended to, as idiots who like the Blade Trilogy but won't go see Brokeback Mountain, that I was afraid that the masses would realize that a intelligent reviewer was out there. Luckily, the voting was unable to pass by the "black hole of suck" that my posts put out. As a result, the people are only slowly becoming aware that the cure for the "masses hating media review" has arrived and that Chuck is it's avatar. Also, he has a cool review of this show called The Lost Room. I'm so setting my Tivo for that. Caerdronia. What to say about Caerdronia? It's a pretty damn cool blog. I spent a fair amount of time picking around there and reading the posts. However, in keeping with my simple understanding of the world: Since I don't understand it, I have to fear it and fear leads to hate and hate leads to anger and anger leads to suffering. This concludes the reason that Yoda kicked me out of the Jedi order...then gave me a wedgie. Finally we come to Strategy Revolutions. Smoother than Martix revolutions, quicker than Dance Revolution and better followed than the Cheese Revolution. I figured with both Strategy and Revolutions on his side we'd be toast but I made my 2d6 saving throw while including the bonus for my +10 shirt of Instalanche and that got us over the top. It was all in the dice. All of that being said, and acknowledging that I can't speak for my blogmates, yet often do, I'm uber stoked. This was a strong group of blogs that offered some unique stuff and somehow no one went negative in the polls. (Which is a damn shame because I had all my attack ads planned.) So, barring a few hanging chads, I feel very lucky to be representing the 2006 Slithering Reptiles and I'll do my best to honor that office by refraining from "look at our python" jokes out of concern for the ego of the meager Garter snake. (Don't worry little guy, we love garters. Oh yes we do!) I'm sure my blog mates will devise posts more eloquent and fitting but until then I suggest we all do jello shots an crash over at the Wizbang forums. We can get drunk and incite the cheating talk among the bigger bloggers. As to our regulars, those noble souls who actually put up with our crap out of some misplaced empathy or the love of a good train wreck, we thank you. Without you we'd just have had Dave, Diana, JR and Hood's votes. I was voting for the Ramble strip. (Sorry.... but look at her picture and then mine. It makes no sense!) And to our endorsements, the check is in the mail.... Crap. I just did that "say the quiet part out loud" thing again. I mean, thank you. It was a really cool ride. Regardless of that, I'm hoping this will allow for a successful transition into cat blogging , as Hood has planned. Just as they say in Dune "He who controls the cats, controls the blogosphere." (It's a rough translation) So we look forward to posts on "Mr. Mittens" and "Fluffy buddy." Of course, I'm allergic to cats, but it's Hood's secret passion so it should be fine.