DFW News

Apparently Dallas's KDGE 102.1 Morning Edge show has been canned.

I can only hope it is the fault of Chris Jagger, the moronic, self-centered, arrogant blowhard who was the head retard.

Anyone who listened to the show could confirm this. They were a mixed group of dim bulbs (none dimmer than Jagger) but they could do the low-brow stuff pretty good and no other station comes close to playing music that I enjoy.

I hope the reason I won't hear Jagger's voice again is because of either a.) contract negotiations that went down like the Hindenberg because average DJs don't deserve above-average treatment or b.) one ill-fated phone call to ExxonMobil headquarters this morning.

Details are sketchy but I do plan on tuning in tomorrow morning! Maybe they'll go all-music...

Technorati tags: KDGE, Morning Edge, 102.1, good karma

Update: Contracts not renewed... Good riddance. This morning's commute was filled with wonderful music and not much else.

Scoreboarding: Alito Confirmed! So sorry, Kerry and Kennedy.

I hear that in a incredible show of sportsmanship Alito purchased a autographed picture of Johnny Cash for Kennedy to show him that there were no hard feelings.

Screw the Oscars, here's my list

The Oscars are all about Hollywood politcs but when was the last time those people paid to see a movie. I mean PAID. So I think that I'll present my own awards. Awards that came to the 2005 movie world from my wallet.

So here are my winners for 2005:
Best Movie with a chick in red leather: Elektra
Best use of Chris Rock and a Zebra that was not "Madagascar": Racing Stripes
Best Film with "the Rock" as a gay guy: Be Cool
Best Film that made me buy a graphic novel: Sin City
Best Film with a real life guy reaction: Sahara. ("When the computer nerd survives the gun fight and exclaims with absolute bewilderment "I shot them with a flare gun.." That was believeable acting because the guy seemed so shocked that he had done it and it had worked.)
Best Film that my wife saw but I refused to see because I hate Sean Penn: The Interpreter
Best Film that I liked and everyone else seemed so-so on: Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy
Best Film for pulling a childhood favorite franchise out of a creative ditch: The Revenge of the Sith
Best film with Chris rock as a zebra: Madagascar
Best Film for pulling a franchise out of a ditch that wasn't Revenge of the Sith: Batman Begins
Best use of Jessica Alba and tight outfits, in color: The Fantastic Four
Best Film that my wife watched with me and felt dirty about laughing at it's off color jokes: The Wedding Crashers
Best Film to use explosions, cars and Jessica Simpsom without a plot: The Dukes of Hazzard
Best Film that for the first time caused my wife and I to simultaneously admit that the respective leads and the movie's plot made us horny: Mr and Mrs Smith
Best Film from a video game that tried to hard to have a plot: Doom
Best Film I saw that made me love my job: Syriana
Best Film that reminded me of making out with girls in highschool during MTV's 120 minutes: Aeon Flux
Best Film I took my kid to: The Chronicles of Narnia

See? No gay cowboys eating pudding.

Those are good movies. Each in it's own right. And not one of them will win an Oscar.
However, each one of them got my money.

Post 1001

If File It Under is anything like a Toyota, we're in for the long haul.

According to Blogger this is post 1,000

I noticed that we are officially posting the 1000th post with this very post.

In order to signify this epic occasion, I think that I should post something "epic."

Something that accents what we have contributed to the web in our time here. Something the world knows us by.

Some know us for our politics. Some know us for our wit.

But honestly, world wide we are knows for Uma Thurman's whale tail.

Isn't that amazing! Everything that we have written has been reduced down to the fact that we are the guys that supply the web with pictures of Uma Thurman's underwear. That's our claim to fame. I know, try to hide your envy.

Some people would take that as a sign to close up shop. To quit. To give it all up.

Not us.

We embrace our niche in this world. In fact, in honor of 1,000 post lets expand it.


So Uma, meet Pamela Anderson, Mary Kate Olson, Gwyneth Paltrow...


Geri Halliwell, Courtney Cox, Cameron Diaz...



Penelope Cruz and Pink, as well as their respective thongs.

It seems your choice of undergarments is the vogue one.

With this post we can achieve political traffic of heights previously unattainable or we can at least post on US politics to the hackers in China and the government officials in Saudi Arabia. That's us, the USA's exporter of Celeb Badunkadunk.

Which ever. We're not picky.

Technorati tags: Celeb thong, Political underwear, attention whores, badunkadunk

I think it's time to buy Danish goods...

The Middle East is having an everloving conniption fit over some cartoons that depicted Muhammed.

Apparently that's a no-no.

In Gaza, masked gunmen briefly took over an office used by the EU, demanding an apology from Denmark and Norway. The gunmen said citizens of the two countries would be prevented from entering the Gaza Strip. No one was hurt.

Over a political cartoon.

Arabs and Muslims also are calling for a boycott of Danish foods, including popular cream cheese, butter and cookie brands. Arla said the boycott of its products in the Middle East was almost total.

Over a political cartoon...

Libya and Saudi Arabia have closed their embassies - an act that's historically preceded war. Though I doubt any hostilities will be exchanged in this case. With the exception of terrorist attacks on Danish businesses... and civilian targets.

LGF has a compare/contrast moment.

Not too long ago a US artist made some... "art"... which consisted of a crucifix in a glass of urine.

Imagine had he done the same thing except instead of a cross, he used a depiction of Muhammed?

If there's any country that can pick up the slack regarding food, it's the USA.

Buy Danish. Support freedom of expression.

Technorati tags: Danish, boycott, pastries and cheeses, wooden shoes

Boo! Big Oil! .... Wait...... Yea! Big Oil!

Everyone hates Big Oil, but everyone seems to forget that when Big Oil brings their check book with them. Don't believe me? Ask New Orleans?

I wonder if Nagin will do a speech where he says that he wants to make New Orleans an "Oily city?"

I've changed my mind

I've changed my mind, I'm going out on a limb to say that I actually support Cindy Sheehan's new venture.

I know, I know.

No, it's not the apocalypse.

Just listen.

US peace activist Cindy Sheehan, who lost her son in Iraq, is mulling to contest for a Senate seat against the current incumbent Dianne Feinstein, who had not supported an early withdrawal of American troops from the war-torn country.

Sweet, sweet irony.

What are the Dems going to do when they have to character assassinate their own "Sainted Mother?"

Technorati tags: Cindy Sheehan, Dianne Feinstein, irony, The sea hag

Enron Trial Set to Begin Soon

Judge Warns Potential Jurors to Wait Until End of Trial to give Guilty Charge

FP

Houston, TX - As jury selection began this Monday, Judge Sim Lake repeatedly admonished potential jurors to wait until they were selected, had heard the opening statements, the case presented by the prosecution, the defense's presentation, closing arguments and then deliberation before finding Kenneth Lay and Jeffery Skilling guilty.

The defense opened the day with a setback as they were unable to strike every potential juror from Harris County.

The judge also turned down the defense's request to have the trial in Burma, citing jurisdictional and constitutional grounds.

Monday morning presented the District Court with their highest turnout ever.

"I think today's juror pool had 99% turnout today," said Jasmin Griffin, a district clerk.

"Prior to today, it averaged about 65%."

"We just want to be on the jury to give the guilty verdicts," said potential jurist Sam Murphy to the supporting claps and verbal agreements of others in line.

"The book deals alone could be worth a lot."

Former Enron employees hosted a recycling drive to correspond with the beginning of the trial. Employees and former stockholders were encouraged to bring their reams of valueless Enron stock to be recycled. The funds were to be donated to local schools and churches and towards the purchase of a high-powered rifle.

Technorati tags: Enron, satire, torches and pitchforks

No Oxygen for Oil Execs!!

Exxon just cleared $10.71 billion last quarter.

Congressional hearings now!

Windfall taxes on oil!

CEO compensation limits!!

Something about Haliburton!!!

Forget going to Washington to see Declaration of Independence...

I like history. I'm one of those people that doesn't enjoy the "memorizing dates" type of history as much as the sociological aspects of it.

For exapmle, I enjoyed my trips to the Alamo. To walk through the low entry ways and see the walls was a neat experience.

I enjoyed the Castillo de San Marcos in St. Augustine , Florida. The scale of walking on the walls and touching the cannons on the battlements was awesome. We drank from the "supposed " fountain of youth. It tasted like liquid sulfer and I'm sure that the guy that owns the coke machine right around the corner makes a killing in quarters.

Seawolf park in Galveston was equally cool. I learned that a 6'3" Rob is not ideally made for a submarine.

Likewise, the OK corral was exceptionally hot in August, the dinosaur footprints at Glen Rose are in really clear water and Rough Riders had to have been short guys to drink in the bar of the Menger Hotel.

History has always been something I enjoy as more of a tactile experience because it was "an experience", not just something you read about in a book.

However, there are limits, or at least there should be, to attempting to experience history.

For example, take this story from "The Cape Codder."

It was one of the weirdest tourism experiences we’ve ever had. As though Fellini and Disney had teamed up to do ’Nam.

At the beginning of the tunnel complex here, there’s a wall draped with clothing - vests, cone-shaped peasant hats, capes in camouflage colors. Oh yes, and rifles. Real rifles, but thankfully without the ammo.

You can rent these things. And wear them while crawling through the tunnels. So much the better to feel like a guerrilla.

The Cu Chi tunnels of Vietnam are one of those horrible remnants of a horrible war that most folks probably would rather forget. So, of course, they’ve become a tourist attraction.

I'm sorry, but as an American, I would find it to be incredibly distasteful to go to Vietnam and play "dress up Viet Cong." I can understand how someone from Austrailia or India or Germany could do this and care less, but as the son of a Vietnam vet: No.
In fact, Hell NO.

The “fake” tunnels at Ben Duoc aren’t fake at all. They’re merely renovated, widened for tourists (read fat Westerners) and come complete with lights and displays under ground.

First comes the obligatory propaganda film narrated by old VC commanders - “The merciless American bombs have ruthlessly decided to kill this beautiful and peaceful area.” Cut to grainy, black-and-white images of villagers picking fruit and picnicking among the flowers. Then cut to bombs and smoking ruin.

If the whole thing weren’t so incredibly heavy handed and clumsily done, it would make any American with a memory of the war excruciatingly uncomfortable.

After the film, we went for a hike through the woods while our guide pointed out bomb craters (labeled by shell type) and smoke vents, thoughtfully steered us around booby traps and let us play a brief game of “try and find the trap door,” which, of course, we couldn’t.

Finally, we came to the tunnels. We dropped through a trap door to the first level, 10 feet below the surface, and squeezed through narrow passageways to see bunkers, a hospital, a kitchen and the actual command room from which the 1968 Tet offensive was planned.

Well "yippy, skippy" the Tet command room! I'm sure that the "educated liberals" amoung us can't wait to sign up for this adventure tour so that they can have so digital pictures taken in there to show how "global" they are. In fact, I bet Sean Penn reading this and seaching for First Class tickets even as we speak. I'm suprised that they haven't Paid Jane Fonda to go shill her book there.

After one last crawl, we came up at a snack stand (Pepsi and coconut water) and were herded to a large, covered pit where we got to taste the taro root and green tea that tunnel residents ate.

And then things got even more weird.

We stopped at the souvenir stand, stocked on one end with cobra wine and Chinese medicine, on the other with display cases full of souvenir bullets, military hats, shell casings made into lighters and helicopters with moving parts made of Pepsi cans.

God help us, yes, we bought a Pepsi chopper, which twirls on a string.

Passing the sign that gave directions for finding the Cu Chi tunnels tennis courts (there is also a zoo), we wound up, as all tourists here do, at the firing range. Here, for a buck a bang, you get to fire AK-47s and M16s.

Having sampled both, we can tell you that the AK47 has a more gentle kick and is softer, though even with ear protection, it still left our ears ringing.

War is hell, and, sometimes, the aftermath is just beyond bizarre.

Somehow,
I.
Fail
To
Want
To
Visit
The Cu Chi tunnels

Referral logs say the damnedest things

I was just doing the normal morning sifting through the ol' referral logs when I came across an interesting item.

As stated many times before, we get most of our traffic through image searches... and it's one image in particular that accounts for about 90% of those searches.

Well guess where, of all places, a search hit for this picture came from?

A country that can't toss enough laundry on their own women, or else they face humiliation, beatings, or maybe worse.

Click

A government official, no less. Well, at least at that phase the censorship can be bypassed.

Technorati tags: Saudi Arabia, Uma Thurman, hipocrisy, hairy palms

Wow, Wow, Wow and Holy Crap

I just saw that the new look was up. Quite nice. Rather fair, indeed.
Also, a Tom sighting?!?

I feel positively out of the loop. (Not that they don't tell me what's going on but that short term memory loss makes your life a bit of a fog.)

Wow, the new site is up....

Oh, I said that.

Anyway, I notice on the left column that Hood had promised my 2006-2007 Underwear Calendar. We figured that train wreck would generate traffic.... as well as mass hysteria, burned retinas and possible UN sanctions. But being a person who never backs down from a challenge, I have completed my task and compiled my calendar. So now, for the low, low fee of $50,000,000 you can buy the "Rob B.'s official FIU underwear Calendar!"



Each buyer will receive 13 pieces of My FIU Calendar Underwear. Each piece is created from a cotton/ rayon/ hemp/ sea weed/ silk/ kevlar/ Fiberglas/ poppyseed blend. It's then flame roasted with 7 herbs and Spices by Col. Sanders himself. Then each piece is carefully readied for screen printing with a poisonous ink created from the venoms of the black mamba, brown recluse spider and Ted Kennedy. ("Milking those suckers is dangerous and costly." ~ The Croc Hunter)



Then each piece is screen printed by blind Tibetan scribes who use "Lotus notes" to word process. They, in turn, hand the wet, ink applied garments over to a crack team of commandos, known only as "The A-Team", who then fire it into space with a cold fusion fueled rocket that they created from a old Packard, three hatchet fish and 4,000 bra underwires. It is at this point that the gamma radiation cooks the ink on. Upon re-entry at my secret lair, right across from Skull Island, topless Thai pearl divers retrieve the garments. Their lithe, shapely figures navigate the chilly waters and over the nipple-ly... ,I mean "slippery", rocks of my beachfront. From this point the underwear are buried in casks of three caret diamonds and then cold filtered and beechwood aged for a year. After a year has passed they can be removed.



At this time the underwear is tested by Little Richard's gay acolytes at a ritual sacrifice of Suzanne Summers tapes. If the suits fail to protect the wearer from the hot magma or the 300 Bengal tigers, then we feel that product was not good enough for you. However, the surviving pieces are then packaged in a double zip glad bag and shipped straight to me for order processing.

These are wonderful underwear that cure cancer, play mp3's and emanate the smell of Granny Smith apples for a 40' diameter, even on windy days. And while most people would suggest that you change underwear every day, thereby making this a waste of money, with my underwear calendar you don't have to. They create a distortion in the space time continuum that means to you will never have to poo again. Ever! Think of all the time you'll save!

So with that you ask me that final question:

"Rob, you said you had thirteen pairs of underwear per order, how is that possible when there is only 12 months?"

I will tell you. Because we also have added the February 29th thong absolutely free.
This thong, made from Man-O-War tentacles is so thin it's like wearing nothing at all!!!

So with this announcement made, the phone lines are open and the email is ready.

Order away!!!


Technorati tags: Underwear Calendar, Ted Kennedy, The A-Team, train wreck, garments

I'm in Hawaii and you're not

No really, you're not. Nowhere near actually. Like in a galaxy far, far away. A long time ago even.

James and Rob approached me, from a distance of course, and asked that I contribute more to FIU. I said, "F*ck you, I'm in Hawaii." Then, right before they gave me lip, I gave them a double roundhouse to their stomachs and told them to "Piss off, cause I'm in Hawaii."

Seriously, you don't want to f*ck with me. So what have I been doing in America's greatest imperial conquest? I avoid the tourist spots, cause I'm not a tourist. I live in Hawaii bitch. Here's some thumbnails, click for larger:

Giant shrimp. Huge.








And more rocks than a crystal meth lab.








How about an original profile in courage from Hawaii? Last Friday after work I went to Northshore (that's what us locals call the Northern shore) where the nasty surf is. It was sunset and had started raining, we were on a rocky peninsula overlooking the tumultuous surf below. Suddenly we had an epiphany, "Let's jump in!" I jumped in first, crawled out, then encouraged my two friends (left) to jump in. They were being pussies, so it took awhile to coerce them.

Finally they jumped in, but it turns out one of them couldn't swim very well. Further, the surf had started to get worse. Just look at the poor kid, wide-eyed and scared for his life. I took pictures for a few minutes while I yelled, "Are you alright?" Finally he gave me the international 'thumbs down' sign of distress. So I ripped off my shirt again in a fantastic display of rippling muscle and courage and jumped in after him. At this point, the surf was rocking us like Van Halen, we were slammed around and I faced mother nature head-on. At one moment I was almost worried. The next moment the ocean receded, and I seized upon her fatal error. With one arm I threw my friend up onto the rocks. With my other arm I pulled what was perhaps the best interpretation of Stallone from Cliffhanger.

So James, Rob, Darius, and even JR "fresh fish" Ewing, back off. I'm in Hawaii and you're not.

File it Under version 2.0

Update: Yes, FIU 2.0 is crappy with IE. That's why Firefox is awesome. We'll look at the IE issues. In the meantime, welcome to the 21st century!

Live and in color...

We hope the brighter look and cleaner layout is more aesthetic to the reader. We've undone the clutter and gone to a three column format.

The Carnival of Crazy is now featured on the left and not buried in the right menu bar.

Speaking of the right menu bar, all of the FIU contributor profiles are on their own pages. Check back every now and then as we add new descriptions and a picture or two.

All Sitemeter, TTLB, Technorati, etc. links have been buttoned. This makes for a very 'crisp' look.

And finally, we've added one more member to the contributing blogroll, J.R. Ewing.

You may remember reading a comment of his over the last couple of months but now he has full contributing license. Excellent.

Praise, criticism, bugs? Please leave a comment.

Enjoy!

Technorati tags: New hotness

Now here's a quiz worth taking... [Updated]

Inspired by Rob's car quiz and the dozens of other net quizzes...

You are Scarlett's Right Boob!

You are a happy, well-rounded individual who is full of pride and confidence. You require little outside support but your fulfilling, perky and noticeable demeanor gains the attention of all around you. You're a hands-on type of person and won't pass up a little time in the lime-light. You're well traveled and enjoy rugged terrain, majestic landscapes and wonderful views.

You may also own one or more piece of inflatable furniture.

I don't get that last line... but it's a pretty accurate quiz.

Here's the link to take the quiz.

Update: Diana predicts the future. Hey... that's a long way's off! Scarlett was born in 1984!

Technorati tags: Scarlett Johansson, quizzes, inflatable furniture

For Zsa Zsa

Poor Zsa Zsa had a run in with a grammer Nazi and we had to step in. After that I still feel a bit beligerent so I'm going to make one of my few "Official Proclaimations." I usally get a vote of concensus on such matters but I'm going to risk this one because I think it would pass with no problem.

In honor of Zsa Zsa, I wish to make an official statement for any, and all, bloggers who go punctuation nazi on our uber fan.

Who says I can't be "diplomatic?"

Can I get an "Amen!" from the congregation?

Just a question

So on CNN's coverage of the Palestinian election they have reported that angry supporters of the Fatah party, who did not win the majority, are pissed enough that they are rioting , burning stuff, firing guns and demanding the leader of that party to resign. Some may look at that and feel that the Palestinians will never be able to self rule or that islam does not lend it's self to democratic rule.

I look at it and all I can think is "Man, our US Democrats are wussies! They didn't even burn and cars or kill anyone. No wonder they lost. They aren't commited."

Quote of the day

"I think it was a historic day yesterday. It was the first ever call for a filibuster from the slopes of Davos, Switzerland." ~ Bush spokesman, Scott McClellan

AN interesting piece of information from college news

It seems that there is a Kennedy involved in the Abramoff scandal.

The growing scandal centered on disgraced lobbyist Jack Abramoff has drawn in U.S. Rep. Patrick Kennedy, D.-R.I., who received large contributions from several Indian tribes represented by Abramoff and took money from a former member of Abramoff's lobbying team. But Kennedy has not been linked to the ongoing corruption probe, and his office denies any direct connection to Abramoff.

Kennedy goes on to say that he's not returning any of his tribal contributions because they aren't linked to Abramoff in any way. Likewise, this isn't really expected to damage him politically. But one has to wonder what Papa Teddy has said to junior about it behind closed doors.

Of course, we have to point out:

Which Sports Car Are You?

C'mon faithful bloggers, lets get in touch with our automotive side.

"PS2 Lego StarWars theory" and the US government.

Not being a very smart man, I have a tendency to look for analogies in order to understand why people, or groups of people, do things. With this in mind, Gail has a great post up about "Envy". This post spurred a discussion my office but it also brought an analogy to mind that really fits with what the post says.

I refer to this as my "Playstation Lego StarWars theory."

I bought my oldest son "Lego StarWars" for my PS2. It's an incredibly age appropriate game. Well designed and very entertaining, it couples the first 3 installments of StarWars's action with the kid imagination factor of Legos. It's probably the best constructed kid video game I have ever seen. So, of course, my eldest son loves it.

Here is where the analogy begins. The PS2 has two controllers. Even though the players in the game work together, one is always "Player 1" who has more game control. Player 1 can pause, change options in the game, enable cheats and disconnect player 2 from the game if needed. Player 2 can only pause and/or disconnect. While player 2 effects the game almost equally, the game camera mostly follows player 1. Player two is forced to stay within player 1's sphere of influence.

Knowing that, sometimes my youngest son wants to play with his older brother. If he plays the eldest quickly gets upset with the younger one "not playing right" and "screwing up the game." He will often do his best to disconnect his younger brother in the game and on occasion manually disconnect him outside the game by removing the controller from the PS2. The younger on will freak out if he's disconnected because he wants to play regardless of the fact he's destroying forward progress. They will, if left unchecked, occasionally resort to physical fighting over the game.

If I remove a controller and hide it the youngest and oldest will fight like crazy over the one controller left.

In all cases, both will come to me and complain their plight is unfair because the other one is gumming up the works. As a result, I have to fix the problem but I usually try to make them work it out on their own.

Now consider player 1 in this to be a Republican President Bush. Consider player 2 to be a Democrat minority congress and consider my role in this to be as the Supreme Court. Tell me that isn't an accurate description of the behavior in Washington as of today.

So in this case we see

Both players want things their way.
One has more power.
Both are equally needed to make progress if both are playing.
Both complain about the other "not playing right" in order to try to gain more control.
Both go outside the game to try to remove each other from power.
Both have separate access to the control, but the camera follows one more than the other.
The Court doesn't want to get involved.
The Court can pull the plug on them if they get out of line.
The game doesn't move half as fast as when there is only one player.
If there was only one player, the other one would go bat shit.
The one who is not player 1 is just biding his time to get that controller at all costs.

Anyone see anything I missed? After all this is a work in progress.

Technorati Tags: Lego, PS2, Politics, bat shit

Blogging the FIU way

SO, everyday I have total strangers walk up to me and ask "Rob, how do I get my blog to be as smart and funny and dead sexy as your blog?" Well, that's a good question.

We at FIU have done some serious research on what is good and bad in political blogging. Then we did exhaustive research on comedy. After that we took the "Dave Chappelle Show ~ Season two" and "Primary Colors" back to the Blockbuster and compiled notes for our awesome blogging style.

After some hard work, some refinement, some Tecmo Bowl, some Taco Bell mexi-melts and a long discussion on the eternal debate, "Ginger or Mary Ann," we came up with this:

To really pull back the curtin and show you our wizard, so to speak, we also have a reminder text auto inserted at the start of every post to remind us of our standards. I made a nifty program to auto answer my questions. See?

**Improve your blogging!**
Have you spell checked your entry yet? What?
Have you re-read it to make sure it's grammatically sound? Huh?
Have you used 'they're' and their' correctly? How about 'your' and 'you're'? What the hell????
Have you correctly used commas? probably not
Have you corrected any random capital letters? doubtful
Did you look at Jessica Simpson's fun bags on google before posting? Indeed.

If so, delete this text and then publish!! Have a great day and thanks for blogging!
**Improve your blogging!**

Through these strict measures we are able to pump out quality posts on subjects as diverse as "thongs" to "social security reformers that wear thongs."

I hope this post has been a great help to the blogging community.

Technorati Tags: Thong, Link Whore, Style, Dead Sexy

Mexican Road maps: Proof that Americans don't understand Mexican culture

CNN.com is reporting a stir over a Mexican government plan to distribute maps in an effort to stem the deaths that come from illegal border crossings.

A Mexican government commission said Tuesday it will distribute at least 70,000 maps showing highways, rescue beacons and water tanks in the Arizona desert to curb the death toll among illegal border crossers.

...

Officials said the maps would help guide those in trouble to rescue beacons and areas with cell phone reception. The maps will also show the distance a person can walk in the desert in a single day.

"We are not trying in any way to encourage or promote migration," said Mauricio Farah, one of the commission's national inspectors. "The only thing we are trying to do is warn them of the risks they face and where to get water, so they don't die."

As you would expect, The US response was typical:

Russ Knocke, a spokesman for the U.S. Homeland Security Department, questioned whether the maps would keep those crossing the border safer.

"It is not helpful for anyone, no matter how well intended they might be, to produce road maps that lead aliens into the desolate and dangerous areas along the border, and potentially invite criminal activity, human exploitation and personal risk," he said.

Some advocates of greater immigration control were irritated by the map announcement.

"What's next? Are they going to buy them bus tickets to Chicago?" said Mark Krikorian, executive director of the Center for Immigration Studies, a Washington-based think tank. "It's clearly a bad thing for Mexico to be encouraging illegal immigration."

How sad. How very sad.

Once again America doesn't get the way Mexico works. This isn't about illegal immigration, this is about Mexico trying to fix its economy!

Think about it. 70,000 four color maps that have to be printed and folded then boxed shipped and distributed? Do you know how many Mexican printers that will employ? Probably one, and maybe a helper, so see it's about creating jobs, MAN!

"Don't hold back Mexican printing labor!!!"

Sure a few people might illegally cross the border, or use the maps to smuggle drugs or possibly al Queda but they're creating jobs.

Carnival of Crazy XIV - VIX Yzarc fo Lavinrac

Hey kids, it's that time again. It's an alternating Wednesday. So, in between your normal humpday daily grind, enjoy a little crazy.

DID YOU KNOW? That you can host the Carnival of Crazy on your own blog? There's been an open invitation for a couple of months now with no takers. But as FIU's traffic grows, the day will come when you will have to wait to host it, all the while the current hosts are laughing at you and your smelly, crazy-devoid blog.

Crazy is the new hotness.

"Hey Hood, less bloviating, more crazy..."

Heh. Indeed.

• Let's kick it off with this weeks installment of ACLU assclownery
  
• WaPo shuts off blog comments due to rabid moonbat rage spam
  
• New Orleans mayor Ray Nagin catches hoof-in-mouth disease from Pat Robertson
• Rovian satire. Maybe
  

• Colorado counterfeiters clog commodes causing crappy conditions (h/t PFA, alliteration)
• Aunt Jemima banned from council meetings. Mrs. Buttersworth unavailable for comment
• Kentucky Governor pulls eight muscles while attempting this stretch
• A virtual confessional
  
• Cyclops kitten causes quite the blogger stir
• Attention: Continental flight 1515 service from El Paso to Houston will be delayed
• Global Warming: bad for blacks... ... uh ... not bad for everyone else?
• Teacher pleads guilty to raping 15 year old student, gets probation. Child rapists stampeding over one another on way to Vermont
• Crazy mouse story featured in last Carnival of Crazy... faked by home owner... probably
• This is on everyone's wishlist
  

• Hospital hijinks down under
  
• Raelians offer busted S. Korean scientist a job. Xenu reportedly to counter-offer
• Post your ad here - only $1 per pixel!
• ???
  
• Newsflash - George Galloway is a moron. This isn't news to anyone who's ever heard him coddle radical Islam's worst dictators and enablers
  
• Mom keeps daughter locked in bathroom for 30 years. Thirty. Years.

Crazy item of the week: Pokemon is the devil!!

Ubercarnival listed...

Until they come home

Thank You

Most worthless Reuters story of 2006 thus far

Read the article and try and keep count how many times it quotes accusations and then in the very next line or paragraph it says there is no proof or nothing new.

I can only conclude that the reason John Boyle wrote the POS is along this line of thinking.

"Let's put this in big bold font... European investigator says US "outsourced" torture!"

"It has two boogeymen in it: Outsourced and torture!"

A question from the back of the classroom in "political Correctness 101"

If any type of discrimination by race, sex, religion or creed is illegal in sgovernment dealings, then why are these laws still on the books?

Just asking.

This is going to get me sent to the principal again, isn't it?

Stupid, Stupid, Stupid, Stupid...

A gun brought to a day care center by an 8-year-old boy accidentally went off Tuesday, wounding a 7-year-old girl in the arm, police said.

The boy had the gun in the backpack and was playing with it when it accidentally went off at the For Kids We Care center, Montgomery County police spokesman Derek Baliles said.

As a gun owner, this isn't on the daycare. It's on that kid's parents.

Lock your guns.
Do not store them loaded.
Teach your kids that guns are not toys, they are tools.

Especially in this day and age with the orange tip on the barrel of all toy guns required by law, I have my kids brainwashed on if the tip is not orange you don't touch it.

It sickens me when this happens because it is 100% avoidable.

Oh Canada....

Welcome to the conservtive side of things!

With Canadians voting yesterday, the word has come down that the Conservitive party within Canada has scored big. Now, I honestly admit that I don't follow Canadian politics, except thier Gun Contol issue, but that won't keep me from commenting.

Now that you have come over to the dark side of the force let me tell you what great things a conservative government will mean for you:

1. Don Cherry will wear a plaid tie.
2. You still get to bitch about America
3. Your beer will magically stay one degree cooler
4. Gas pipelines will magically be a little quieter.
5. Micheal Moore will bitch about you and you get to call him a fat tub of crap just like us, but with a french accent.
6. The Canadian Olympic hockey team will have 2 less sticks break during games.
7. Zamboni shares up +0.03%
8. The drug tunnels across our borders will get lights and and rails
9. You get to send your top 10 unruly Muslims to camp X-ray for a one month free stay to convince them that they don't have it so bad.
10. an extra 5% off for seniors on T-Bone night at the Golden Corral or Sizzler of your choosing.

All of that just by changing Alignment. Or at least that's what it says in my political D&D handbook....

BTW, tell Stepehn Harper that as a "Ranger" he can go dual class and tell him to search for treasure because in that office is a "+12 tie of Backbone" but it was lost some time before Jean Chretien took office.

Good luck!

Marketing Genius

As regularly as we can, Hood and I cruise over to Gail's blog.

Why? Because she kicks ass. Duh.

Anyway, while Hood was over there he commented on a post she had about finding the recipe for "Tang Pie" and "Amish Sauerkraut Suprise Custard Pie." You can see his comment at the post.

However the possiblilities got me thinking. There is a marketing angle here we could exploit.

So with no further ado, here it FIU's first legally sactioned entry into the soft drink market.

Prune Tang!!!!

Possible mottos so far are :
"Everyone wants to get regular, Prune Tang."
"I could go for some Prune Tang right now"
or "Every special date is better with a Prune Tang waiting for you."

Anyone have any other motto's?

UPDATE: WE'VE SIGNED A SPOKESPERSON FOR OUR ADS!

So who would kick ass enough to be Prune Tangs spokeperson. Someone who had style. Someone who was timeless. Someone who offered to shoot Micheal Moore if he every ambushed him with a camera.

Clint Eastwood.

In order to get a larger Egyptian share, we put him in a Horus costume to sell our soda.

So with no further ado, I present "Clint Horus"

"Do you fell lucky, punk? No one gets the Prune Tang unless they work with me first."

A Monday Must-read

Patrick Chisholm, writing for the Christian Science Monitor has a must-read article titled the Triumph of the Redistributionist Left. It is a must-read. [All bold is mine.]

During the first five years of President Bush's presidency, nondefense discretionary spending (i.e., spending decided on an annual basis) rose 27.9 percent, far more than the 1.9 percent growth during President Clinton's first five years, according to the libertarian Reason Foundation. And according to Citizens Against Government Waste, the number of congressional "pork barrel" projects under Republican leadership during fiscal 2005 was 13,997, more than 10 times that of 1994.

Ten. Times.

Time is on the side of the left. As politically difficult as it is now to reform of Social Security or Medicare, as the years pass it will get even more difficult. The swelling number of retirees will further strengthen the senior lobby. And as Social Security's surplus evaporates, there will be less money available with which to establish personal savings accounts.

As failure-prone as socialism is, it's very hard to undo.

The left has a powerful institutional force on its side: "public choice" economics. Our system of government is highly responsive to vocal groups that lobby for subsidies, government programs, and other special favors. Since the costs are spread out among all taxpayers while the benefits are concentrated among smaller segments of the population (such as retirees, in the case of Social Security and Medicare), the taxpayers have much less of an incentive to lobby against the measure while the beneficiaries have a huge incentive to lobby for it. Whenever those subsidies are threatened, the lobbies launch their barrages of politically effective complaints.

Read it all. No, seriously. Go read it, then come on back.

It's not a Rep/Dem issue - government is at fault. While the policies that will grow out of control are mostly babies of Democrats, the Republicans have been fairly willing enablers by porking the shit out of federal budgets, going along with disasters like Medicare and surrendering to Democrats with regards to Social Security reform.

The article makes Social Security reform seem impossible, which hopefully won't be the case. But let's be honest - in the not-so-distant future, Social Security checks will either bounce (unlikely), get very small or taxes will steadily be increased on everyone else.

I'm in the school of thought that until enough folks get angry enough, nothing of significance will ever happen. Does it upset you that the taxes you pay into entitlement systems will steadily increase for you and your children to be sustainable or that the money you've paid will simply vanish due to the collapse of these programs?

SS Reform... Porkbusters... Fair taxes...

The movements are there now. How upset are you?

My liberal moment of the day

Greenhouse gasses are causing global warming!
The polar caps are melting!
The earth is getting to warm....

Well Crap!

Back to the drawing board.

Your Monday Demotivational Thought

~h/t to Curmudgeonly & Skeptical for the idea.

What can history teach us?

Important Events in 1981:
1. Prince Charles got married
2. Liverpool crowned soccer Champions of Europe
3. Australia lost the Ashes tournament.
4. Pope Died

Important Events in 2005:
1. Prince Charles got married
2. Liverpool crowned soccer Champions of Europe
3. Australia lost the Ashes tournament
4. Pope Died

What is History's lesson?
The next time Prince Charles gets married, someone should warn the Pope and bet the house on Liverpool.

Your" Weekend Update" with your anchorman Rob B.

This was a great weekend. Friday night, my in-laws watched my kids while my wife and I entertained about 20 people from my mother's sunday school class. I grilled steak and chicken wrapped in bacon. I drank 5 or 6 beers. Most importantly, I got 10 unsuspecting victims to watch "Undercover Brother."

I love that movie.

We followed that up with watching "So I married an axe murder."

" Alright everybody, let get pissed!"

Greatness.

Saturday I went wit the wife to see "Underworld: Evolutions."
I liked it. C'mon, Kate Beckensdale in tight rubber suits beating people up. Hell yeah, I'm there.

So then today, I see this.

Form the article, and I quote:

Golden Globe-winning films saw significant boosts at the weekend box office, but the action-packed vampire flick "Underworld: Evolution" was the top earner, debuting with $27.6 million in ticket sales.

For the record, I don't give a rats ass what the Golden Globes have to say about a movie, I either want to see it or I think it sucks without Hollywood's prompting.

Look and the current top ten:

1. "Underworld: Evolution," $27.6 million ~ Saw it, will buy the DVD
2. "Hoodwinked," $11 million ~ No interest, Maybe someone will buy it for the kids.
3. "Glory Road," $9.1 million ~ An all black basket ball team? What a novelty. Sorry, But I'm on the wrong side of history to find it compelling and I hate basketball anyway. I'm still waiting for an all black hockey team.
4. "Last Holiday," $9.1 million ~ No
5. "Brokeback Mountain," $7.8 million ~ Gay Cowboys eating Pudding, right Cartman? Hell No.
6. "Fun With Dick and Jane," $6.1 million ~ Wait for DVD
7. "The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe," $6 million ~ It was good, I'll buy the DVD
8. "Hostel," $4.3 million ~ No Interest.
9. "The New World," $4.2 million ~ Whatever
10. "End of the Spear," $4.2 million ~ The only way I'd watch it was at the end of a spear. The wife wants to see it so she and her aunt may go catch it.

I made each decision by the time I heard the movie was being made or in the trailer. For example there is a new movie coming out called "Untraviolet" and it's going to be cool and I'm going to buy the DVD. i know this and I have only seen the trailer once. Likewise there is a movie called "Stay Alive", it looks cool enough and I'll wait for DVD because I have a friends who will rent it and I'll be able to watch it fro free.

So Hollywood, keeping pushing your Gay Cowboy movies , I don't really care. We all know that all the Gloden Globes and Oscars in the world still doesn't compare to the fact that someone like Lucas can rake in millions with a feeble "The Phantom Menace" and you can't get your money's worth from "Alexander."

A Huge Thanks

File it Under has blown through 50,000 hits. Some blogs do that in a week but it's taken us about a year and a half. However, 2005 was a breakout year, accounting for well over 90% of that traffic.

A massive thank you to all of our regular readers, known and unknown and thank you to all those folks around the world searching for Whale Tail Girls and Uma Thurman (which account for the lion's share of our hits). The post that keeps on giving, Rob - nice work.

Stay tuned for FIU v2.0.



Thank You!

Random Photo of the Day: Panda Edition #2

The following link is rated R.

As in rockin' pandas...

Previously...

The new Bin Laden tape

I saw on CNN that Osama had a new tape out, so I read the excerpts. Still interested, I went over to Aljazzera's english site to read a transcript of it.

I find it interesting that he talks to the American people, not the American leaders. Of course any tape he presents is a PR move. I'm sure that his offer of a truce, with conditions, will be a wonderful bullet point for lefty Washington malcontents that think of themselves as God's. I, for one, see the situation from a different perspective.

Let me give you a conceptual illustration:

We, the USA that is, are in a high stakes game of Texas hold 'em. There are still other players at the table positioning to get into the money as well, but in this case we are heads up with Osama. After large take downs in the form of the "Afghanistan", banking reforms to isolate Osama's money and out inherent military abilities we are in great chip position. Likewise, having stolen his blinds a few times and caught him on a few weak hands, we have him short stacked. Now to muddy up the waters, Iraq is all in. They are chip committed to the pot and have no recourse but to go to the winner.

We're holding a K-K, the second best pre-flop hand in hold 'em.

Iraq al in has an A-Q Heart suited but they are low all in chip value.

The flop comes down A-K-4 off suit.

Iraq, in first position, can only watch the betting and hope for the best.

Osama, with chips to spare over his commitment to the pot, checks.

Being patient and wanting to see if Iraq trips the Aces the US checks.

The turn is a 7 of spades. Iraq has no flush draw only an Ace will save them but even if they pull that off they won't hurt your stack so it's of no consequence.

Osama suddenly raises twice the value of the pot. Not quite all in but a good half of his stack.

What could he have?

He checked on the flop when the other Ace came out so it's unlikely that he has the pair of aces to make for a set unless he slowplayed it. Likewise, seeing Iraq's A-Q he knows that unless he has two pair he can't beat them unless he has two pair or he just doesn't care about a loss to them as much as he wants to make a dent in you. The third option is he's got crap or near crap and is just trying to bluff his way out of it.

This is where I bow out form my illustration.

His "truce" is a check on the flop. He either doesn't have anything or is slow playing it. His threat of "attacks that will soon come about" is the half pot raise on the turn. He's either got a hand or he's trying to buy his way out.

Either way, we don't want to lose chips to this mook but we don't want to let him have a walk when we are holding a set of Kings and only a pocket pair of aces with a crap flop will save him. If he just has a Ace pair now and it flops an ace, we'll still have the A-K boat!

That is the bet. That is our position.

The way that different people read that risk vs reward senerio is the difference in the parties, and to a large degree, in the country.

Me, I'm not risk averse, I'd raise his candy ass to all in and call him out for a liar because I don't think he has double bullets in his holster.

What about you?

Random Photo of the Day

And we wonder why these creatures have a diminishing habitat...

De Facto at War?

It sure looks like it.

At what point will more people start caring about things like this?

In the spirit of Unity...

Hillary went fishing yesterday. She didn't have any fresh fish to use so she resorted to the 'ol race bait.

According to the beast from the East:

The House "has been run like a plantation, and you know what I'm talking about," said Clinton, D-New York. "It has been run in a way so that nobody with a contrary view has had a chance to present legislation, to make an argument, to be heard."

"We have a culture of corruption, we have cronyism, we have incompetence," she said. "I predict to you that this administration will go down in history as one of the worst that has ever governed our country."

Now CNN reported that segment but thanks to a mic that was left on we also heard Hillary say these things about other parts of government as well:

"The Supreme Court is being run like a Thai sex slave market where sweet, sweet little Thai boys will massage your corns and then make sweet "boom boom" to the native sounds of monkeys flinging poo in the market."

"The Senate is being run like Martha Stewart in a sweat shop full of Jerry's kids making magnet pot holder with fire resistant Fiberglas slipcovers."

"The CIA is being run like (---edited by administration---) with a dual headed (---edited by administration---) in their (---edited by administration---).

"The NSA is being run like a evil older brother that breaks your jewelry box to steal our diary and read about how you have a crush on Justin Timberlake, haven't touched Bill in ages and had a "special" with Nancy Kerrigan that one night when we were at Disneyland and got blitzed on Mimosa and everclear jello shots. That's why I call Nancy my personal "Limey."

"The AO is being ran great because they cut the payroll checks."

"The FDA is being ran by a little Alien named Steve that has hijacked the office leaders alpha waves and even now he is preparing for Xenu's invasion forces to destroy the earth while rescuing Tom Cruise, John Travolta and Cooter from the Dukes of Hazzard from the impending doom. "

These things hardly came as a revelation to general American's because they don't watch the news, but the pundit world was shocked. Mostly because Hillary went to Harlem.

Top of the Tuesday to you...

Via Allah, who is blogging again, Happy Tuesday!

Brokeback Mountain

My wife was watching the Golden Globes so I had the unfortunate duty of letting her know that "Brokeback Mountain" was the now infamous gay cowboy film. Hollywood, couldn't wait to fawn all over it as it won several awards.

I showed her several web stories that said that this was a major cultural movement because it was a movie against bigotry. Silly me, but I don't buy that crap at all. It's just another movie. There are a lot of movies about bigotry that weren't called cultural movements. Hollywood, it seems, has a short memory.

However, to not let this moment go by without reflection, I submit sevral pieces of literature about the gay cowboy in "Brokeback Mountains" honor.

An old cowboy sat down at the bar and ordered a drink. As he sat sipping his drink, a young woman sat down next to him. She turned to the cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?"

He replied, "Well, I've spent my whole life, breaking colts, working cows, going to rodeos, fixing fences, pulling calves, bailing hay, doctoring calves, cleaning my barn, fixing flats, working on tractors, and feeding my dogs, so I guess I am a cowboy."

She said, "I'm a lesbian. I spend my whole day thinking about women. As soon as I get up in the morning, I think about women. When I shower, I think about women. When I watch TV, I think about women. I even think about women when I eat. It seems that everything makes me think of women."

The two sat sipping in silence.

A little while later, a man sat down on the other side of the old cowboy and asked, "Are you a real cowboy?"

He replied, "I always thought I was, but I just found out I'm a lesbian."

Lets not forget...

Three cowboys - one from Louisiana, one from Arkansas, and the other from Texas are sitting around a campfire, out on the lonesome prairie, each with the bravado for which they are famous. A night of tall tales begins.

The guy from Louisiana says, "I must be the meanest, toughest cowboy there is. Why, just the other day a bull got loose in the corral and gored six men before I wrestled it to the ground by the horns, with my bare hands."

The guy from Arkansas couldn't stand to be bested. "Why, I was walking down the trail yesterday and a 15 foot long rattler slid out from under a rock and made a move for me. I grabbed that snake with my bare hands and bit its head off and sucked the poison down in one gulp. And I'm still here today!"

The Texan remained silent, slowly stirring the coals with his "manhood".

Or let's try...

Did you hear about the gay cowboy who wore taffeta chaps? He got arrested for rustling...

Or...

"Brokeback Mountain” leads the SAG Awards with four nominations. The biggest one, the best male performance by a male lead in another male lead.

Or...

A movie theater in Utah abruptly cancelled a screening of the movie "Brokeback Mountain." They felt it was inappropriate for the community standards. Instead they ran "Deliverance."

Straight off Burbon Street

Well, if anyone could sell Hurricane Katrina swag, Burbon Street can.

Why are gas prices so high?

It probably has something to do with the fact that due to Katrina and Rita 26% of Gulf of Mexico production capable wells are still shut in.

Or maybe we oil tycoons are just out to milk people of thier money.

Starbucks: A guide to surviving when you are a right-wing oil man in Latte World

After a nice dinner with friends this Saturday, we decided that we would all go to Starbucks. The announcement of this plan cannot go understated. Starbucks is the place where a good evening can go very wrong if you happen to be a right wing oil man, such as myself.

Seeing as how Starbucks has become the hang out for the wi-fi techie, the poser college student, the artsy soccer mom and the coffee elitist, it's a intellectual minefield when you are asked by a well meaning friend "So how's the oil and gas world going?" So, I have devised a set of rules for survival in this environment and have broken them down into various types of engagements. By following my rules, the right wing oil man can navigate the landscape, storm the castle, get the coffee and leave with minimal bloodshed.

#1. "The quick pick-up"

You're going in to get coffee and get back on the road. The trick here comes in one place: The line. I've found if there is a big line, the best rule is take a bathroom break right then. You avoid most of the people and you might as well start on empty, right? When in line, whip out the cell phone and check messages. It's like camo, you'll fit right in. Order your drink, but ask for "raw sugar" because everyone knows that "raw sugar", or better yet "honey", is never used by oil men. That is, everyone knows that but oil men. We have no idea what's in the coffee, we just know which secretary to ask to get our coffee. Then get out as fast as possible by standing right near the place where they hand your out the cups. Final clue. Don't talk. Always safe. And if someone asks about your "I clubbed baby seals at the Haliburton company picnic and all I got was this lousy T-shirt" t-shirt, just tell them that it's sarcasm and try to hide that blood stained spot from view.

#2. "The Hi-jacking"

You're going to make a "pick-up" run and wham! You see a (friend/old school chum/dentist/stripper/doctor/ex-coworker) you once knew. They don't know you're a whore to the oil pimp and that you're in enemy territory. You know they are going to ask you "so what are you doing now?" What do you do? What do you do?

I'll tell you: You lie your ass off. Tell them you work for a homeless shelter for paraplegic puppies that were displaced by Katrina, tell them that you're a Nobel Peace prize winning stem cell reseacher for a Hassadic Jew and Arabic Unity consortium, tell them that you run an offshore brothel for Icelandic hookers who don't have work permits but whatever you do don't tell them the truth!

Listen to your inner oil man: "These people aren't our friends! If they were, precious, then they would know that we drill deep in the ground for the oil. We wants it. We neeeeeds it and they want to take it from us. It's mine, all mine."

After that execute "Pick up" protocol while discussing with said friend the pros and cons of the of "wheat crackers" and get the hell out of there.

#3. The "prolonged stay."
Avoid this at all costs, but when you're married, or possibly dating, you may have to commit to actual conversation in a Starbucks. Don't panic. I know it's bad but panic causes bad decisions. Just keep it together.

Follow these rules closely and you should be ok.

1. Sit near an exit. Why? Watch the Godfather and then ask me again.
2. If it's a woman that you are with, repeat questions as a form of conversation. "How are you feeling today, Rob? "Why, how are you feeling?" They don't want your input they just want liscense to talk.
3. Prolonged silences are good. It means you're thinking. If it seems hard to do them, take a big swig of coffee first. Prolonged coffee inspiried silences mean that you are romantic just like those Maxwell house commercials.
4. If your job does come up, just say "It's ok, but ... I think it's not right for me. For personal reasons..." Then prolonged silence. Then stare out the window. I'm not sure why it works but it does.
5. If you're asked about drilling and there is no way out of it, replace the word "well" with "lesbian." Here is an example unaltered:

   "We had one well that was undersized so we were having trouble with it. We broke out a reamer and ran in a high pressure wash, acidized and then ran back out of the hole. After that we didn't have any problems."
   
   Here is a "Starbucks" version: "We had one lesbianthat was undersized so we were having trouble with it. We broke out a reamer and ran in a high pressure wash, acidized and then ran back out of the hole. After that we didn't have any problems."

   Sure you sound like a pervert, or maybe a doctor, but no one freaks out and dumps oil on you or blows up your car.
6. Carry a gun. Nothing makes the Starbucks conversation more relaxed than your finger on the cold trigger of a death wielding frame of justice. Besides, the inner oil man says that they are all just asking for it.

With these easy to follow steps you, the right wing oil man of the future, should be able to survive and flourish in all your future Starbucks encounters.

The Fourth Pillar

Rarely do I agree entirely with the media. I usually find myself quick to remember that these people make money off commercials, not information. Even though that's the case, I found this article to be an interesting one because of it's opening paragraph.

The mainstream US media outlets have failed to report a major terrorist plot against the US - because it would tend to support President Bush's use of NSA domestic surveillance, according to media watchdog groups.

It's worth reading.

Your turn to do the dishes? No problem...

Check this out.

An MIT student is working on a machine to create dishes on the fly and recycle them after they are used. Intended for home use, the size of the machine would be no bigger than today's standard dish washers.

The MIT .pdf is here.

Oh to be a kid in the future. Lucky bastards.

In My Humble Opinion.

I submit to you, "the greatest speech to give while you are intoxicated", for your Friday the 13th blogging pleasure:

So I jump ship in Hong Kong and make my way over to Tibet, and I get on as a looper at a course over in the Himalayas. A looper, you know, a caddy, a looper, a jock. So, I tell them I'm a pro jock, and who do you think they give me? The Dalai Lama, himself. Twelfth son of the Lama. The flowing robes, the grace, bald... striking. So, I'm on the first tee with him. I give him the driver. He hauls off and whacks one -- big hitter, the Lama -- long, into a ten-thousand foot crevice, right at the base of this glacier. And do you know what the Lama says? Gunga galunga...gunga -- gunga galunga. So we finish the eighteenth and he's gonna stiff me. And I say, "Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know." And he says, "Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consiousness." So I got that goin' for me, which is nice.

Kennedy Released from Hospital

Mass. Senator in good spirits, still dazed.

FP

Washington D.C. - Senator Ted Kennedy was released from Georgetown University Medical Center Wednesday night with only minor bruising and abrasions after being smacked across the face by Judge Samuel Alito's crank.

Judge Alito's zipper trout left a mushroom-shaped imprint on Kennedy's right cheek but the senator suffered no broken bones. The hearing loss was only temporary.

The assault happened quickly and no one was really aware of what happened until afterwards.

Senator Leahy was seated next to Kennedy.

"We were just digging through our notes during a lull in the hearings when all of a sudden there was a loud thud and Sen. Kennedy slumped over in his seat," Leahy said.

Spectators were unsure what sparked the ire of Alito's meat hammer.

"We can only guess as to why it happened," said Senator Feinstein. "I don't suspect the Senate or even Senator Kennedy himself will order investigations into the matter."

The matter brought an end to day three in the confirmation hearings.

Democratic Senators grilled Alito with tough questions and biting statements.

The latest unofficial poll of the Senate showed that Alito is now expected to be confirmed to the Supreme court in the range of 95+ votes for.

*****

Thanks Rodge and welcome, C&S readers.

More FIU

Stupid quizzes...

Via Digital Shlepnick

Greed:	High
Gluttony:	High
Wrath:	Low
Sloth:	Medium
Envy:	Very Low
Lust:	Medium
Pride:	Very Low

Take the Seven Deadly Sins Quiz

Coming soon!! SUBSCRIPITON ONLY File it Under!

Because:

I've gotta get mine, yo...

After-market Mods

As the owner of an Audi, I can verify that this is not a standard feature.

It'd be sweet if it was, though...

Hood, what's up with FIU's banner?

Great question.

In the coming weeks, we'll be overhauling the look of FIU. Our last transition happened close to this time last year so the new year is a great time to shake it up a bit. For a look at the original "FIU," check it out. Boring.

Because of this, I've graffiti'd our current banner... just for shits and giggles.

This current design was very needed and well received. I think as far as blogs go, if the content is decent or good but not amazing (for amazing ref: PW, Willisms, Scribal Terror, others), the look of the blog can make or break blogrolling, bookmarking and capturing regular readers.

It's this line of thinking that put the wheels in motion for FIU v2.0.

The content will be the same as far as topics go but the look will be "new and improved"... we hope. And it goes without saying that we constantly try to improve content quality - some folks are just naturally more talented than others.

We're also adding a fifth contributor with the unveiling, who should do a great job of upping the "humor content" of the site.

So, as they say... Stay tuned.

And feel free to leave any feedback in the comments. User feedback can't be beat.

National Delurker Week

I thought that this 'meme' was a good one.

Are you a regular FIU reader but you've never commented? Why not comment now? Or maybe it's been weeks or months since you let us know you still drop by and visit?

There's got to be someone or two out there.

Carnival of Crazy XIII - Crazy 13

Welcome to the first Carnival of Crazy for 2006. The CofC has been on vacation since December 14th so there's been plenty of time for crazy happenings.

So... shall we?

• On the Effectiveness of Aluminium Foil Helmets: An Empirical Study (h/t Haximus, Mr. Right)
• A stupid, yet unsurprising move by the ACLU
• President Bush is drinking again
  

• Cosmos will Slot unconditionally Small, Green, Memorizing nothing comparative to Universal
• A cozy virtual tour, hopefully, you'll never see
  
• Bottoms up!
• Hilarious but thank goodness it's fake. It is fake, right?
• This belongs in the Carnival of Irony
• "If an insurance company restricting sedatives while a camera on a long tube is fed up one's pooper isn't crazy, I don't know what is." Well said, Josh...
• Help fight the Global War on VD
• A movie review of a movie you'll probably never see
• Brokepaperback Mountain
• Link to this carnival, JACKASS
• Mouse gets ultimate last word

• Mousetrap gets ultimate last word. Twice
• John Ruiz loses match to a friggin' oak tree...
• A mini carnival within a carnival; first story link here
• Pig in a blanket - not just dough and sausage any more...
• Zangerbob ist ein phantastisches hafen wienerschnitzel!!
  

Crazy item of the week: Holy hell... deceased miners were racist garbage??!??!

Ubercarnival listed...