Memories

I had G.I. Joes as a kid. Lots of them. So this takes me way back... though the battles that took place on the floor of my bedroom weren't as graphic. Or funny, for that matter. Content warning: This totally counts as blogging.

She has her father's eye ....

* Ah needs me sum HTML skilz ... or Hood has to widen up. via

LANGUAGE WARNING

I repeat: WARNING But beyond that - absolutely awesome.

ATTN: Rob B.

Time to dust off your copy of Photoshop to help us here at FIU with a visual aid. Her body ideal? Apparently its Salma Hayek. As the star walked by, Megan's [Fox] eyes followed. "I really want her boobs," Fox said. "Those are the most amazing boobs." The guys and I have scrapped together a prize for you upon delivery. Thanks in advance! Update: Ask and ye shall receive. Personally, I like what Fox is working with already but I agree with her taste. ~ Rob B.

Attention Wives II:

Looking for that last-minute present "I love you" and "I know how hard you work for this family?" Well look no further! You will get a sampler 12-pack of beer, consisting of twelve different and very tasty California microbrews in 12 ounce bottles. No two microbrews will be the same! Just like snowflakes!

Oh .. My .. God!

Why didn't you tell us? h/t Jay

I just got back from Canadian Tire ....

I bought a chainsaw. ... for the alternative energy. PSA: Never mess with a woman who owns power tools.

"... chains on your brain..."

Well ... I'm impressed

h/t

In other news ......

" ... Russia passed a 2006 law widening the definition of extremism to include "the abasement of national dignity" and "inciting religious and national hatred," which backers say was needed to stem a wave of violence aimed at ethnic minorities."

Breaking...

Developing...

2,146,954th Blogger Review of BATMAN

So I'll be succinct: It's awesome - the movie never stops Don't take your kids - it's very violent... did I mention it never stops? The pace never breaks. It's excellent In summary, the movie is really good. It's long yet the pace never slows... I may have mentioned that already. BONUS HYPE: They showed the trailer for WATCHMEN. I haven't gotten goosies from a trailer like that since 300... which is obvious after watching the trailer.

There's a reason they call it a cock pit ....

Also, a very good reason to stay on good terms with your ex. I've borrowed the Nissan 300zx for a few days, while mine is in the shop. Heh.

Good game!

Presidential Approval! In hindsight I bet George wishes he would not have let himself be photographed in this pose, but hey at least he is not humping White House staff and interns left and right.

Something that does not suck

This. From Page Six: February 7, 2008 -- SCARLETT Johansson (below) has a steamy lesbian sex scene with Penelope Cruz in Woody Allen's upcoming "Vicky Cristina Barcelona." A source tells us: "It is also extremely erotic. People will be blown away and even shocked. Penelope and Scarlett go at it in a red-tinted photography dark room, and it will leave the audience gasping." The women later have a threesome with Javier Bardem (below), who plays Cruz's husband. Hope this brightens up your Monday!

Roger Kimball to Conservatives: Grow Up!

“Petulant grandstanding,” you say? Well, it seems to me that excoriating those who refuse to compromise in this particular instance of such a thing is itself the very definition of petulant grandstanding — this insistence that those Republicans or “conservatives” who don’t accept what the party machinery throws their way should just shut up and do what’s best for the GOP, regardless of how they really feel, and irrespective of what they truly believe. Just remember, kids... the day that Jeff returns to full-time blogging again will soon be at hand. Viva Goldstein!

Battle of the Planets

Sidetrack with me for a moment. Every once in a while the creative and artsy side of my life comes back in one of those moments that best resemble the resurrection plant after a rare dessert rainstorm. I consider this to be one of those moments. Due to my Uncle being involved in marble trading and making....huh, yeah marble trading and making. Just check Ebay. It's huge. Now, Shush! Anyway, due to his iterests in marbles he met, and then later turned me onto, a glass artist names Josh Simpson. Now, if there was ever a time for me to say follow a link, now would be that time. Josh has a huge site with photos of some of the coolest glass work i have ever seen. As a person who rolled through an art degree with a emphasis on 2-D, the only 3-D form I ever seemed to be able really get into was glass blowing. Now lets be clear about one thing: I sucked at glass blowing, which is technically dangerous if taken literally, but I loved it. Now, if you want to see what it looks like when you love it and you really kick ass at it, go look at Josh's site. So why does this matter to you? It matters because you know me. To better explain, you have to understand more about Josh. He like to make planets. For example: Along with this passion he has had, what in my biased mind I consider "truly bad ass", a truly bad ass idea which he has coined "The Infinity Project." What is the infinity project? I'll post it in his own words: In 1976 I discovered several handmade marbles outside my kitchen door. Probably left there by children a generation before, they were still just as bright and colorful as they were on the summer afternoon they were lost. The discovery made me think about the longevity of glass*. There are so many priceless glass objects in museums around the world that spent eons buried in the ground before an archaeologist happened upon them. In 1976 no museum had acquired my work. I thought - Why not hedge my bet? I began to hide planets - first near my house, and then later I brought them with me to leave behind whenever I traveled. Once I learned to fly, I was able to drop planets in truly remote locations from a tiny window on the pilot's side of the plane. I've left planets in mundane places, and now thanks to the Infinity Project, since 2000, over 1,700 participants have hidden planets in locations around the globe. Some are meant to be discovered quickly, perhaps by someone who will wonder what it is or what it was meant for. Others are likely to lie hidden for centuries. I hope future archaeologists will be confused about the meaning and purpose of the little spheres, wondering what they are and how they got there. When I think of them puzzling over Infinity Project Planets, I remember the story about peculiar little glass goblets found in ancient sites throughout the Mideast. For years, archaeologists were stumped as to their purpose. Were they medicinal, cosmetic, religious, or perhaps meant to be oil lamps? No one knew until the late '70s when a Corning Museum scientist found a glassblower working over an ancient furnace in Herat, Afghanistan making the same little goblet shape. It turned out that they were meant to hold water and seed for caged birds. The archaeologists had never even been close. People who find a planet may not be archaeologists. They may know nothing about art or science, they might not be able to afford one of my pieces. I like the idea of reaching a totally new audience for my glass - not just a socially or culturally different audience but potentially people separated by hundreds of years from present time. At least once a month, I give two Planets (one to keep, one to hide) inscribed only with the Infinity symbol to people who write to propose why, when and where they want to place a Planet. If you are selected, we will post your name and the approximate location of your hidden Planet (and hopefully your photo too). Cool idea, isn't it. Of course, I'm biased because I got picked. YES, THAT IS CORRECT. I AM A WINNER! WOOT! Here are 3 pictures of the first planet. Here are 3 pictures of the second planet. One of these I get to keep and in return the second is going to be placed -5,850' TVDSS (true vertical depth sub sea-level) below the earth's surface in the lower Austin Chalk formation. This section of the chalk has not seen the light of day for about 86 to 87 million years. Having access to a well and a workover rig sorta helps. So which will I keep? I'll be honest, it's been a really hard decision because I really like them both. However, in the end, I did what I considered the "smart thing": I asked the spouse as a tie breaker. The winner is planet #1, or as I shall call him "42." So now you know, and knowing is half the battle..of the planets.

Query

Query: This is a picture of me and my spouse in the early days of dating, 15 years ago. This is a picture of her now. Here is a picture of me with my wife and the family. With this data, my query is this: On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being "not at all" and 10 being "Holy crap, you're the man," exactly how bad ass am I to pull that off considering how I've degraded over time and she still looks exactly the same? Admit it, I'm good.

The day after

Christmas was truly fun. Long, but truly fun. It was our youngest son's first Christmas and he was in rare form. He terrorized the presents at the base of the tree, played with every light flickering, developmental noisemaker he was given and managed to puke on my new shirt. (Sorry mom, at least it didn't stain.) Son number two gained this years honors for the largest, loudest, most assembly required toy with a race track designed to wreck 5 simultaneously racing cars. It's a horrific mess to construct but even I have to admit that its like candy coated, kid violence crack on a stick. My eldest was most impressed with the grandstand gift of a PS3. We had a PS2 but it seems that Santa came in the night and replaced it with a PS3. The cool part is that I have on video the delayed reaction where he sees the PS3 game in his stuff, picks it up, realizes that it's for the wrong game system, then looks at the TV and sees the new game system and then flips out. It's classic. I may have to post it on youtube and link it because the body language is priceless. As far as the wife, I got her some nifty work out clothes and I'm getting her lasik. I think shes a little more excited about the lasik but I can't see why. I thought all those people with contacts actually liked them. I mean, how should I know, I'm compelled to wear coke bottle glasses but that's neither here nor there. As far as me, I got some really cool and thoughtful gifts that show that, despite the fact I'm a pain in the ass to shop for, the people that know me pay attention and know how to find the random odds and ends that make me say "Frickin sweet." I mean, I got a 22oz Rock hammer, a Jack Black movie and a pen that has a measuring tape built in. You can't touch me because that, my friends, is the shiz-nit. Of course, you really have to know me well to get that unlike some of the sarcasm laden stuff I write, I really mean it. But enough about me, how was your Christmas? (Oh, and do you want some ham because we have a load of ham left.)

If one were to ask me...

If someone was to ask me "So, what were you up to this morning" I could honestly tell them the following: 1. I got coffee from Starbucks. A venti mocha with 3 raw sugars, to be exact. 2. I helped my wife take my #2 son to pre-school where he will be delivering lines in his Christmas program. 3. I was bombarded by roughly 10 mSv of radiation, three times the amount of the typical annual background radiation absorbed by a human, from the area between my navel and my nuts. In short, I had a CT scan. The specialist I'm seeing about my kidney stones thought it would be best to know whether or not I have any chestnuts stored in my kidney's for that next kidney stone rainy day. Another positive side effect is he can get an easy look-see if I have any cancerous activity in the old prostate, since my dad is a prostate cancer survivor, without having to expose me to the eternally dreaded finger-in-the-butt prostate exam. I think most guys, if asked, would pick radiation over the finger in the butt. The process of getting the CT scan was over in no time and the only thing remarkable that happened was a discussion I had with the radiologist. Here's how it went: Him: So do you have any concerns before we start? Me: Not really, but I do have a question? Him: And what would that be? Me: Could you turn the thing up to, like, 11 or something so that when I get an erection it transforms like the incredible Hulk? Him: (laughter) Sorry, it doesn't quite work that way. Me: Damn. I should get the results from the doctor around the 10th of January and that's fine with me because it's not like the kidney stones are hiding or anything. Until then, I'll keep you updated if I have any new superpowers. With my luck, I'll end up with a magnetic colon or something lame like that.

Frickin sweet

As a dad to 3 boys, I often bemoan society today and the general wussification of the American male. To be sure, we still have our moments in today's culture. We can always fall back on sports to teach boys to suck it up. Additionally, there is always a place in our collective hearts for the military. Still, between these things we have lost a lot of ground. However, it's stuff like this that makes me smile. Dewitt - Yesterday in Arkansas County, and Arkansan killed a black bear weighing more than 400 pounds. And what really makes the story amazing is that the hunter was just a boy – a kindergarten boy. (Tre Merritt, Five-year-old Hunter) "I was up in the stand and I seen the bear. It came from the thicket and it was beside the road and I shot it." Tre’s grandfather was in the stand with him at the time. He says Tre did it all by himself. (Mike Merritt, Tre’s Grandfather) "He came in about 40 to 50 yards and when he got in the open. I whistled at him and he stopped and I said, ‘shoot Tre.’" And that’s just what Tre did. He fired his youth rifle. (Mike Merritt, Tre’s Grandfather) "I said, ‘Tre, you missed the bear.’ He said, ‘Pawpaw I squeezed the trigger and I didn’t close my eyes. I killed him."’ The bear turned out to be 445 pounds. Twelve times the size of Tre. Mike Merritt said tears rolled down his cheeks when he found out his grandson killed the enormous bear. (Mike Merritt, Tre’s Grandfather) "His 10th great-grandfather was Davie Crockett. And Davie supposedly killed him a bear when he was three. And Tre is five and really killed a bear. I really doubt if Davie killed one when he was three." Tre’s dad says he started teaching his son to shoot when he was just 2 ½ years old and last year, Tre killed three deer. The family plans to get a life-sized mount of the bear. But they’re not yet sure where they’ll put it. That kid, no matter what else happens, is going to grow up knowing two things. The first is that his Dad and his grandfather are proud of him. The second is that in the pecking order of nature he was dominate at the age of 5. You think that's a petty thing? Bullshit. I know grown men that can't buy, sell, earn, work for, do enough or be enough to earn their father's respect. The result of that is that it consumes them and more often than not they don't even realize it. They will drive themselves into the ground for that approval. Meanwhile, this kid will always have this bear mounted, sitting in the house with the built in story attached. A sotry that includes the words "we were so proud." The other thing, and this isn't PC either, this kid will never be part of the "Al Gore's nature lovers fan club for testosterone deficient children" because he already gets that nature is his bitch. I know people don't like to hear it but humans are apex predators because of our evolutionary advantage of tools and tech. Believe me if Sharks came with laser beams, they wouldn't think twice about using them and neither should we. Sure, we live in a world with enough advancement that a man can eat one million steaks and never kill one cow but out there in the fields is that one man that knows all this bovine is is a New York strip waiting to happen. Some of the enlightened among us may consider these to be horrible points and a horrible thing and a lack of civilization but I look at is as a sign that there are still little American cells ensuring that we are still building backbone to support all the useless fat that those enlightened rely on for support because steaks don't carve themselves.

Embrace the darkside of the force

I'm trying to decide how to term this for my christmas list for the wife because by my thinking a redheaded Leia belly dancing would be the shit.

Dave's coming home !!!

... and it's gonna be mayhem!!

What a Rush!

This is what you might call ... blowback. UPDATE: Harry Reid is a m***n.

Mike Relm

The spouse and I were invited by some very nice friends of ours to go see the Blue Man Group this Sunday. I had never seen them and I can honestly say that the blend of percussion, comedy, video and general weirdness was really entertaining. A total bonus to the evening was that the performer opening for them was Mike Relm. I had never seen or heard of him before but I was lucky enough to find a Youtube of his turn tableism. I have a few friends that DJ and they are very good in their own element but I can honestly say that Mike Relm actually blew me away with his set. If you get a chance to see him, do it.

Birth of a Nation!

First time, ever, that John Stewart has actually been funny.

Now I just need a photo of JR

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Don't hate me ....

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An Inside joke

There has been a increase of internet chatter on the flamingo front. We'll be watching. (for reference: here and here and here and here an here and here and here. )

Your "Effin', SNAP!" quote of the day

I doubt that Texas Gov Rick Perry gets Invited back out to the California Republican Party Convention by the Governator. Perry had been invited to attend the California Republican Party Convention in Indian Springs, CA last Friday. The major thrust was supposed to be Arnie warning the party faithful that yelling for God, Guns and Small Government strips votes away and alienate independents. So what does Perry do? Play to the base. In a rip-roaring, moderate-bashing speech, he said that the only true Republicans were conservative Republicans, and evoked the spirit of Ronald Reagan. He went after all the traditional targets – global warming, a nuclear middle east, and the specter of a second Clinton administration. He even went after his host, muttering darkly about Republicans that vote and act like Democrats, saying "It’s a sad, sad state of affairs when liberals campaign like Republicans to get elected, and Republicans govern like liberals to be loved. We need to hold the line on what it means to be a Republican which is, of course: being conservative." ... Both have realized that there's a big difference between a California moderate Republican and a mainstream Texas Republican. So Perry may as well have been standing next to Arnie with an "I'm with Stupid" t-shirt on when he said, "If you see a candidate who wants to tax like a Democrat, regulate like a Democrat, and educate like a Democrat, they should not have the honor of being called a Republican. Nor should they be elected by Republicans." As I said, effin' SNAP! (h/t mom)

Bill's got a bazooka ...

A really, really big ....... gun. [...] Leo : .....And that’s the solution. Once you cut off the borders from foreign influence, everyone will realize one thing: we are Iraqi, we have to support each other. The problem does not originate in Iraq.

I want one ....

Time for a Salute

First, I want to take a moment to link a site that my wife's best friends husband gave me. He's a Pavelow pilot and has been back and forth between here and the gulf several times. So, unless you're a rotorhead, you'll probably wonder "what's a Pave Low?" The site he gave me is the perfect answer for you. www.pavelow.com Go visit it and tinker around and pimp it out to your friends. One of his pals runs it and it's fairly cool. The second site I want to link is a blog that I wondered upon that deserves some time and, if your capital allows, some backing. No need to describe it, just look here and then poke around. The pictures are priceless.

Journalism 101

An extraordinary dissection and evisceration of the MSM.

Bridging the gap with some very "sexy" engineering

and, it's right in my back yard! Well, close enough that I can wander through the park behind my house to watch. Tonight's replacement of the Island Park bridges will make Canadian highway history, save millions of dollars, and give the public a look at adventurous engineering. For the first time in Canada, a highway bridge will be replaced overnight using rapid-lift technology known as self-propelled modular transporters. The new technique will reduce two years of traffic tieups to a mere 15 hours and save $2.4 million in traffic detour costs. It will also save time and money for motorists. ... The "live cam" is up and working. The process is supposed to start tonight at 8pm EST and finish by noon tomorrow. There's an animation of it here. I'm taking my lawn chair, my camera and my cooler! "If you build it, they will come!" UPDATE: Sunday 1PM ... It's in the bag.

WOW...

I was google searching for WW2 propaganda posters today, mostly because I think they're cool, and I found a site that had me laughing hard. This guy is a progressive cartoonist who is less than impressed with the Democratic party. I can empathize. As a Conservative Christian the Republican party doesn't exactly roll the way I want all the time. Unlike him, though, I haven't made nifty posters. Let me just take a moment to say, from across the aisle, "That's pretty funny." Props to the guys at www.sinkers.org I may not be on the same wavelength as far as political theory but I have to respect the humor.

Why video games can be a parents best friend.

When I was born they had Pong. By the time I was a kid they had Atari. In my teen years it was Nintendo. By college we had Sega. By late college we had the PlayStation. I'm living right in the wheelhouse of the video game generation. I was a master of both Pac-man and Tekken Tournement. I wasted time with both Galaga and Grand Theft Auto. As I have grown, video gaming has been a constant influence in my life. Now, as a dad, I have to weigh that influence again from a different perspective. The cons of video games get a lot of popular press. It's not too hard to find a story linking video games to obesity, anti-social behavior or violence. Honestly, I am typically critical of these stories for the fact that most make rather loose leaps between the correlation and the causality of social ills. For example, if I had research that said that "By their 15th birthdays, close to 100 percent of males have masturbated to orgasm." and I have data that says "95 per cent of the teens surveyed said they had access to either a video game machine or home computer and a similar proportion (90 per cent) said they owned at least some video games." Does that mean that video games makes boys by age 15 masturbate? No, it's a correlation. However, the media rarely takes the time to explain the methodology of their comparative data or it's collection in the inferences that it makes when blaming social ills on video games. I can honestly admit that as a result of my childhood, I'm jaded about the validity of these results because I belonged to several "at risk" groups of my adolescent time. I was a single parented child. I also listened to heavy metal rock. I played D&D. I had dyslexia. We were, for most of my life, below the poverty line. My parents didn't have a college education. Somehow, through all of that statistically proclaimed "adversity" I managed not to become a drug fueled, Satanist who was kept down by socio-economic underpinnings of a corrupted upbringing. Who knew? The truth of it is, a lot of that so-called study done at the time was conducted to blame a social phenomenon that people didn't understand or like or correlated with an event that they would accept either happened for a different reason or no reason at all. Like the kid that killed himself while listening to Ozzy. His parents wigged out and blamed Ozzy, and heavy metal, for their sons death. In the process, they actually sued Ozzy for causing their sons death. The court killed the case but the standard of people blaming external events for an issue that would have more than likely been tied to the home was set. Additionally, I never forget that the media is generated not by experts in relevant fields but by people with journalism degrees. They can write about science but are rarely scientist themselves. On the other hand, the positive effects of video games are rarely ever discussed. In passing we are told that these games are horrible things that teach our children horrible things. Really? If they teach horrible things, then is it possible that they can teach good things too? For example, some video games teach children problem solving abilities dictated by logic and memory. Not only are children given objectives, but they are given limitations in multiple areas that govern the problem, that must all be managed, simultaneously, in order to solve the problem. All of this is done in an environment that rewards success, promotes learning, increases hand eye coordination, has consequences for failure and works within a construct of fair play. For example, the "Lego Starwars" video games are ones that my kids love. In them you have to solve puzzles, both short and long term. Achievement is rewarded. Mistakes have an immediate cost but the option to retry and learn from mistakes is available. It forces players to make logical problem solving steps while under character constraints, physical constraint and chronological constraints. Most importantly, it's fun. This is a game that my four year old can play at a totally different level than what my six year old does or for what I do. The complexity increases the reward of play while not governing the game play itself. The Shrek and Spiderman3 video games are similar but for older players, due to plot complexity. Most sports games fit under this mold, as well. In this, parents who are willing to take the time to research and pay attention to game play can find that some video games are great learning tools that create their own reward while giving the parent the open forum to show the real life benefit of the lessons learns in the virtual world. Even this morning, as my son sat, stuck in a part of the Ratatouille video game, he was frustrated with his ability to pass the level. I pointed out that sometimes multiple attempts have to be made to correctly time any event in order to pass the level. If that fails, back tracking and reevaluating the steps you made to get there and looking for a missed part of the level sometimes helps to show another path to progress. However, I stressed, there is always a way to get over any objective because the game is governed by it's design so that once you truly have all the options the answer will present itself. Sure enough, before I left he had passed it and in that exchange he was reminded of the same qualities that make real people succeed in the real world. Of course not all games are suitable for all kids and some games are just crap but the same can be said of books, TV or ,in some cases, parents. The point I am making is that video games, out of hand, are no worse than any other tool that a parent has for teaching, yet offer a somewhat unique way to allow for an interaction that mimics the real world in the tasking that one must acquire in order to solve real world issues.

I feel better: Things that I learned that you totally wouldn't expects from the typical "while i was sick post"

So while I was sick I spent a lot of my "trying to waste the moments of suffering between medicinal induced slumber" time reading and watching TV. I was considering some cross country training but... yeah, whatever. Anyway, the book I am reading over, and officially endorsing, is called "The Dangerous Book for Boys." My mom gave it to me for Fathers day and, since I'm not in school at the moment, I can get back to reading things that don't have tests involved. If you are a man with sons, buy this book. If you are a man without sons, but instead girls, buy this book. If you are merely a boy, half man, a quasi-man, a pseudo-man, know a man, have been within 100 miles of a man or are sick of GQ,FHM and Maxim, then buy this book. If you are a woman, buy this book and then give it to a man. He'll want to marry you. Unless he IS married to you, then he'll just think that you absolutely kick ass and tell everyone how he has the damn coolest wife in the world. But, and I do repeat with that with capped, bolded, italicised, in quotation marks "BUT", if you give this to an unsupervised boy, May God Have Mercy on Your Soul because he might evolve some man skills you're not ready for. I linked it, Go check it out. Seriously, go now. I'll wait.... Read the questions for the author... See... It kicks ass. So as I was saying, I was reading that kick ass book and they were talking about the history of artillery and they mentioned a story that I had never heard. It seems that around 214-212 BC, Archimedes helped to defend the Greeks at Syracuse by men with bronze mirrors to focus the suns rays on invading ships thereby catching them on fire. For the record, shit like this would have made me pay way more attention in school. Yes, I've always loved history but i can guarantee that no one ever told me about this in any organized classroom setting because I would have remembered it. It's a damn travesty. Anyway, so apparently people have contested this story for quite some time. In response, in the 1970's a scientist named Dr. Ioannis Sakkas employed 60 sailors to try the same experiment. So what was the result? Let me get back to that. Switching gears, in TV watching we have this thing on the discovery channel called "Mythbusters" Well, they got a hold of this "myth", and tested it. So when I did a google search on the "Archimedes mirror boat" search, they pop right up. They said that it was a "busted" myth. It didn't work. Remember that Dr? You know, Dr. Ioannis Sakkas? Here's a picture and some info from his experiment. A Greek scientist, Dr. Ioannis Sakkas, curious about whether Archimedes could really have used a "burning glass" to destroy the Roman fleet in 212 BC lined up nearly 60 Greek sailors, each holding an oblong mirror tipped to catch the Sun's rays and direct them at a wooden ship 160 feet away. The ship caught fire at once.....Sakkas said after the experiment there was no doubt in his mind the great inventor could have used bronze mirrors to scuttle the Romans. So who is right? You'd think it was Dr. Sakkas because he reproduced the results but why would the Mythbusters come up short on their try? Enter MIT. Because they really enjoy getting all science-y on stuff, and do I love them for that, they decided to make that a bit of a class project. You can see it here. So it was confirmed to be possible. How does this play out? Where does the truth lie? What is the conclusive answer? I got no idea. But if I win the lotto, we're gonna get a shitload of mirrors and find out. Until then, I'm going with good ol Dr. Sakkas and Archimedes because they're both Greek and I know both of them would hate the Romans too much to try an idea that just gives a Roman a tan. So what does Rob learn when sick, in summary: More descutive ideas of things to do with my kids when the wife isn't around to stop me.

Thar's some sweet justice in them thar hills ...

As imagined by Melissa Leong, National Post

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!

The comprehensive "piece of crap" (aka Immigration bill) has been wounded. Most likely mortally! All I can say is that Cornyn and Hutchison, both R-Texas, voted the right way. Some illuminating quotes on this one: "Congress really needs to prove to the American people that it can come together on hard issues," Bush said. They did, GW. They came together and said to themselves "Holy shit, the unwashed masses are really pissed about this and no matter how much special interest money I might get, or what great pork I can trade for, I better kill it or find another day job." "Everyone knows that our immigration laws are broken," Schumer said. "And a country loses some of its greatness when it can't fix a problem that everyone knows is broken. And that's what happened today." Let's explore that logic, Chucky. A government fails to enforce the laws that is passes. Should they: a. Quit fucking around and enforce the laws they have b. Quit fucking around and at least "try" to enforce the laws they have c. Fuck around, yet eventually enforce the laws they have d. Have a shit flinging monkey fest in which they solve nothing, call their own people racist, ignore the voters and generally fuck around, other than making a bunch of law breaking people legal and giving them free crap. It seems that in Washington logic, D is the congressman's answer. Or at least it would have been, until thousands to millions of people gave a collective "WTF" to their officials and told them that we'll let you play your stupid political games all day long but America, for the most part, expects you to not give our country away. I still expect that the next election will have a great deal of turn over just from this issue alone and well it should. So for all the congressional members consider this your notice, much like the one that the old media establishment received over "Rathergate" and the like: The Internet has leveled the field. You once thought that the people were stupid and easy to fool. Individually, that very well may be. But collectively, we are smarter than you, we have more time than you, we have a more vested interest than you and we are watching you. If you try to screw us, we will notice and we will return the favor, in spades.

Elisha > Scarlett

Just a political side note....

Until the primaries resolve the issue, let me go on the record. I'm for Mike Huckabee. I truly hope we don't get Guliani or McCain because I just can't bring myself to vote for either of them unless the whole platform becomes "not Hillary" in the general election. However, I think that a pro-choice canidate will kill the Republican party and McCain is a douche. Fred will be popular and he's conservitive but Mike Huckabee tracks better with my beliefs and he's a true conservitive on the isues. I've now seen him in about 6 or 7 interviews, 2 debates and checked over his website and Govoners record. He's the best person and I'm supporting him. Whether he gets traction or not is irrelivent to me, I'm voting for the best Conservitive/Social Conservitive in the group because that's who I want to win. If I'm lucky, enough people will back him to the point that we get the canidate that we dont get the canidate that the liberal news tells us is going to win the Republican nomination but instead get the best Republican canidate. So, consider me in the I like Mike Camp.

Bijou > Scarlett

Again. That is all.

January > Scarlett

Yum! That is all.

Carrie > Scarlett

That is all.

The biggest PSA I have done EVER!!!!!

Sometimes, just sometimes, a man discovers something in a place that he would never expect to find anything and he says "holy crap!" That's right. He actually stops and audibly says "Holy" followed by "crap." It's that damn big. Yesterday was one of those moments. I was in the car and I was talking to my wife and she told me something that almost made me wreck the car into SUV in front of me in sheer joy too vast to allow a man to touch the breaks because there ain't no stopping us now. She was telling me that while watching a chick daytime show, called Rachel Ray, that there was this doctor on there to talk about curing and preventing cellulite. As dudes, we know this as "cottage cheese." Women know it as "the evil that must be fought at all costs." Therein lies the greatness. It's something that both sexes are against. So how do women stop, or prevent, cottage cheese butt/thigh/leg? My wife told me and I almost died. Straight from the Dr's mouth and Rachel Ray's site: Dr. Lionel Bissoon, author of The Cellulite Cure, stops by to debunk some of the myths about cellulite and to pass along information on a new technique he says can get rid of it. The three Cellulite myths: Myth #1: Only overweight women have cellulite "Ninety percent of women have cellulite," says Dr. Bissoon. "Everyone thinks that overweight women have the most cellulite but it's the exact opposite: Thin women have the worst cellulite. Men get cellulite too, about five percent of men get it. The youngest guy I've treated was 21." Myth #2: Exercise can burn off cellulite "Between 25 and 35, estrogen is going down and that's when the cellulite starts to show its ugly face," says Dr. Bissoon. "The other cause is lifestyle. Exercising helps, but it's not going to take away cellulite. It will just work on prevention." Myth #3: What's underwear got to do with it? "Elastic is like a tourniquet," Dr. Bissoon explains. "It goes across the buttocks and cuts off circulation, causing dimples. These things are absolutely bad for you. Throw the grandma panties away! Get lace, no elastic. The lace across the groin is perfect -- no tight elastic. To prevent cellulite at night, sleep naked." Every married man in America, here is the direct link to that. Print it and stick it on every piece of underwear that isn't a thong or lacy. Burn your wife's "comfy bedtime sweats." Your saving her from the evils of cellulite. You can thank me with currency. I don't mind. My work here is done.

Securing my nerditude for future generations

Well, well, well. Check this out. This is my birthday present from my mom. Here's a better look at it. Sweet, huh. What? You want to know what it is? Ok. It's a carbonado diamond. Carbonado or "black" diamonds, are the exotic diamonds found in Brazil and the Central African Republic. They are unusual for being the color of charcoal and full of frothy bubbles. These diamonds can also have a face that looks like melted glass. A research team led by Stephen Haggerty of Florida International University in Miami has presented a new study that the odd stones were brought to Earth by an asteroid billions of years ago. The findings were published online in the journal "Astrophysical Journal Letters" on December 20, 2006. The scientists exposed polished pieces of carbonado to extremely intense infrared light. The test revealed the presence of many hydrogen-carbon bonds, indicating that the diamonds probably formed in a hydrogen-rich environment-such as that found in space. The diamonds also showed strong similarities to tiny nanodiamonds, which are frequently found in meteorites. Astrophysicists have developed theories predicting that nanodiamonds form easily in the stellar explosions called supernovas, which scatter debris through interstellar space. Haggerty maintains that the deposits in the Central African Republic and Brazil, probably come from the impact of a diamond-rich asteroid billions of years ago, when South America and Africa were joined. So even though the two diamond fields are now thousands of miles apart, they're remnants of a single, original deposit. Haggerty estimated that the asteroid must have been about half a mile (one kilometer) in diameter. The unusual bubbles seen in specimens of carbonados probably came from fizzing gases when the diamonds were forming, Haggerty added. This adds further credence to the extraterrestrial origin theory, since conventional diamonds form under immense pressure deep beneath the Earths crust, where gas bubbles simply couldn't form. Carbonado diamonds also contain a mineral called osborneite, which has been found only in meteorites and comet dust recovered by the recent Stardust mission. Additionally, adding to the evidence for an extra-terrestrial origin, carbonado diamonds have never been reported among any of the other 600 tons of "conventional" diamonds mined, sorted, graded, traded, cut, and polished in the last century. Hopefully, researchers will eventually identify a carbonado parent body in the Asteroid Belt." You know you're jealous.

Today's moment of culture

Invictus By William Ernest Henley. 1849–1903 OUT of the night that covers me, Black as the Pit from pole to pole, I thank whatever gods may be For my unconquerable soul. In the fell clutch of circumstance I have not winced nor cried aloud. Under the bludgeonings of chance My head is bloody, but unbowed. Beyond this place of wrath and tears Looms but the Horror of the shade, And yet the menace of the years Finds, and shall find, me unafraid. It matters not how strait the gate, How charged with punishments the scroll, I am the master of my fate: I am the captain of my soul.

America ! F@*$ Yeah!

MSD brought their 55 chevy by the office because one of the guys that I work with is related to someone that does something there ... or something, who cares? Anyway look at this! Sweet American engine porn! (pssst, the carbon footprint of this engine is so big that the exhaust craps graphite and diamonds) This is why America wins.

Who shot JR?

C'mon, man. Connubial bliss only goes so far. Get back to work!

I can read your mind!

David Blaine, eat your heart out. I will now attempt, with success, to announce what you, the FIU reader did with 100% accuracy. For this trick to work, you must follow the instructions very carefully - and you cannot cheat. First, you must visit this website. WARNING: It isn't 100% safe for work. There is no p0rn but the product allows you visually see the before/after, with/without effects with decently produced CGI. Nothing about the site will trigger Webp0rn protection software. After visiting the website, scroll down this post. Stop cheating and go visit. If you don't want to take any chances then read this post from home later. Fine, ruin the magic trick. BEHOLD!! I know exactly what you did! If you: Are a woman, you realized what the product did and, based on your activity level, either explored the product advertising as interesting and left, or actually put their product to the consumer test - based on your measurements - and might consider their product had they not been a U.K.-based company. Are a dude, upon realizing what you were looking at and giggling to yourself, you immediately selected the largest cup size and the largest level of activity and ran the simulation. After laughing some more, you emailed this to some friends. In that email the word "DUDE!!" appears at least once. Physics! Catch the fever!

I had to do it

Don't let your kids watch this, but you... you need to watch this and laugh your wicked asses off. This might just challenge "George Washington"

Life, Birth and Everything: Snippets, impressions and partial recollections of today's birth of my son

First, let me say that I had a lot of fun sharing this with you guys from the PDA. It was actually pretty fun to show the spouse over the day as well. She got a kick out of that and she really appreciated all the well wishes, congratulations and encouragement. I'm exceptionally thankful, as well. I was trying to think of what to say about today and with the other post I think we had the comedy pretty well covered. I guess I'll have to wax serious. I have to say that my wife showed once again why she continues to impress me. She was so gracious and kind to the nurses and doctors and the student helper today. In the midst of them trying to tend to her, she was the one that was encouraging and calming them. I've always been attracted to the way that she can do little things and big things with a simplicity that exudes elegance and grace, and once again she did so today. She's .... just perfect to me. The staff at the hospital were great. I think, because of my wife's easy nature and our joy and humor in this birth, that they actually had fun. It's a pretty good sign when they'll just sit there and joke and laugh with you until they have to go to check on someone else. They did a great job. They were very professional. They really made things nice for us and for Drake. On a personal side, I'm sitting here and typing this and in a way it still seems surreal. I'm sure some of that is the lack of sleep but holding this little boy was so different from the birth of his brothers. With my eldest, I was scared/excited/proud/shocked/inspired/worried/hopeful all at the same time. I was a new dad with exactly 0 hours of OTJ training. Everything was new. With my second, I was a little more relaxed. I felt a little more sure as a father. I wasn't as shocked. Not really worried. Very inspired. Very excited and proud. This little guy, I'm just not sure yet. Right now, all I feel is proud. One of the nurses said to me right after the delivery "Well, that was the easy part. Now you have to do the hard part and raise him to be a good man." I know she was being reflective and was trying to, in a motherly way, impress upon me the significance of this boys birth. I appreciate the sentiment, truly. However, before the breath of that sentence was expended, I had replied "No, that's the easy part." Being a man is so simple that any guy can do it: Know your worth God and then live it. My two elder boys already understand that first part to differing degrees but they do get that they are especially loved by God. Living it comes one day at a time and they are well on their way to learning that. Right now, I'm just looking forward to spending some time with my newest little man and I'm excited about the men-in-training who have already called him "little brother." Today is truly a day of days. Here's Drake and my mom.

A salute to "SteamPunk" nerdery!!

If your a nerd, like me, and you've never heard of it, you need to take a little time to aquaint yourself with the realm of steampunk. What is steampunk, you ask? Well, according to wikipedia, this is "Steampunk": Steampunk is a subgenre of speculative fiction which came into prominence in the 1980s and early 1990s. The term denotes works set in an era when steam power was still widely used—usually the 19th century, and often set in Victorian England—but with prominent elements of either science fiction or fantasy, such as fictional technological inventions like those found in the works of H. G. Wells, or real technological developments like the computer occurring at an earlier date. It is often associated with cyberpunk and shares a similar fanbase but developed as a separate movement. Their main difference beyond the chronological differences in settings is that Steampunk settings tend to be less obviously dystopian. So think, heavier sci-fi meshed with H.G. Wells "Time Machine." So what has steampunk inspired, aside from the fictional books? How about cool stuff like this, from Eric's Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Idea That, by the way is art for a "Steampunk" Star Wars.

You have to see this to believe it

300, everyone else is reviewing it so why shouldn't I

The blogs I visit and the people I know have been a buzz with discussion about the movie 300. If you don't know what the movie is or what it's about just google it and there are 50,000 professional movie reviewers just itching to tell you that it's a "visually compelling and artfully done movie that you shouldn't go see." Likewise, on the blogosphere, there are numerous contributors who are doing everything in their power to reduce this movie and anyone who watches it to being a intellectual idiot. I see no reason to compete with all of that. Instead, I'm going to give you a test to determine if you will like this film: 1. Do you go to the movies expecting accurate history? 2. Do you go to the movies in order to define your personal morality? 3. Do you go to the movies knowing that you won't be entertained because your too smart to be entertained by the meaningless drivel of the pedestrian masses and would rather be reading a good book? 4. Do you get easily offended by violence, sex, blood or mysticism? 5. Do you think that "violence is never the answer?" If you answered "yes" to any of those questions, then just stay home. I'm saving you $7.50. You aren't going to like this movie and the people who do like this movie aren't going to care about your opinion on it. Me, I loved it. I'm probably going to go see it again this week. I don't know with whom, but I'm sure I can either get child care for the kids or get a friend to see it with me. I seem to recall mom wanting to see it and being angry at me for seeing it without her. The movie is 100%, uncut stylized hyper-violence with no moral ambiguity of purpose. The god guys are good. The bad guys are bad. The cowards don't redeem themselves. It's the Greek version what John Wayne. So don't be surprised, if you find yourself aware of it's politics. Moral certainty and death have a tendency to do that.

How I beat my boring Sunday

*A FIU first. * I submit to you an original video. Sure, we've youtube'd a video before, but in this video you will be shocked and amazed. In this video you will see: ~ Hockey !!! ~ explosions !!! ~ missles !!! ~ nasty English ale !!! ~ kids with guns !!! ~ exploding melons !!! ~ cowbell !!! ~ a beer drinking dog !!! and much, much more!!!!! How could it rock that hard? Mostly, because I made it!!!!! View it, if you dare!!!!

The big Mac attack

I am a graphic artist, as part of the many things I do here in evil oil world. I use Photoshop, Quark, Corel, Lightwave, ect. I hate using Macs. At work, I use a PC. At home, I use a PC. In fact, I learned everything that I know how to do on a Mac and I still use a PC because I hate Macs. I have several friends that "heart" their Macs. Great for them. I don't consider them any less of a friend.... I just hate their Mac. I often am asked to help people with computer issues. I'm normally open to doing that...unless you have a Mac. So unlike others who will beat you to death with technical reasons for hating Macs, I'm going to give the most artificial reason I can think of. It's one of my many of technical reasons for hating Macs but I think that 1 reason is enough: You can't right click. That blows. Now, while I can discuss my particular Mac-hate, I'll ask you to go here. It's Maddox's commentary about Macs. If you don't know Maddox, he wrote the only book we have ever advertised on our blog. He didn't pay us for that either. We begged for the right to advertise it because he rocks the nuts off of pirates and ninjas alike. Check it out, it has language not suitable for Mac fans, which is a selling point for me.

So Impressive that it made me cry

Effing SNAP...

We're a mere 10 days into 2007 and Greg Gutfield has just bitch slapped someone so hard, he won't realize it until 2008. Guaranteed. (via Ace)

GI Jovial

For more Sunday smiles, see the rest ...

New Years Resolutions

I have always been pretty firmly entrenched in the "non-New Years Resolution" camp. The way I saw it, if you want to do something then just do it. There is no reason to look at the fact it's a new year and get all introspective and wax poetic on how "this year I'm gonna change it all." Of course, I mostly think that way because I am the way I am because of the things that I either couldn't change, failed to changed, didn't care to change or changed into something that I no longer wish to change. I know a lot of people are quick to quote that "the only thing in life that doesn't change is change" but let me be the first to add "maybe so but all that other crap stayed the same, didn't it?" Case in point, I woke up this morning in the same bed that I've had for 5 years, married to the wonderful woman for 7 years. I looked in the same mirror, in the same bathroom, that we've had for 6 years. The I took the movies back to Blockbuster (same account for 15 yrs) and drove to work (6 years). I could drag this out to a nauseating level and recount stuff in paralyzing detail but why butcher the idea. The point is that despite all that "I'm gonna change" and "stuff is gonna change" vibe that Bally's is desperately trying to sell you, the truth is that you change when you need to and other wise, we're pretty much the same. What's wrong with that? So, embracing the same-ness of my habitual non-changing nature, here are my New Years resolutions of things that I will continue to do. I resolve that I will continue to... ~ Watch weird movies that my wife doesn't enjoy after she goes to bed because she doesn't want to see the latest Russian vampire flick ~ Fight to keep my well worn blue lazyboy recliner ~ Listen to Johnny Cash in the car because it amuses me to watch my 3 year old sing that he "shot a man in Reno just to watch him die" ~ Take classes with disinterested college students and blow the curve because that's what they did to me when I was screwing off in college ~ Refer to John Kerry as a Jackass Traitor ~ Blog and then bore my real world friends with stories about what I blog, except for the few who lurk and secretly wonder just how insane I am ~ Not feel guilty for watching the Victoria's Secret catalogue show because, damn it all, my wife won't be pregnant forever, man! It's called "research." ~ Let my yard grow out higher than my neighbors because I like my grass to be "fluffy" and seeing as how my grass has been invaded by weeds I will continue with the illusion of "fluffy grass" until I get this weed war under control ~ Cry when I see "Old Yeller", The US Flag at the Veteran's Cemetery, a 1969 split window Corvette Stingray, 16 oz T-bone steaks and The Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders because in those small moments "I'm living the American dream." ~ to teach my boys that the only part of the Karate Kid that was right was summarized by the lines "Strike hard, Strike fast, Strike first, sir!" ~ not watching anything with Leonardo DiCaprio in it since he pussified America by being in Titanic, which I also never saw. Sure, some would say "You never saw it so how can you criticize Leo for what was a great role..." Stow it. In a great movie, he and Lee Marvin would lead military 12 con's to destroy the iceberg, and the Nazi's, against incredible odds and the people on that ship would have never known it but instead lived out their lives unaware that they slept under the blanket of liberty that he and Lee Marvin had provided. ~ hope that they discover that a combination of the ink from the New York Times, Starbucks soy latte's, Hybrid car electromagnetic signatures and hemp cause rectal cancer ~ wistfully await the day that Ted Williams is thawed out long enough to spit on Barry Bonds ~ want a BCS playoff system or at least a relegation system like they do in European soccer ~ write posts on this blog as a set up vehicle for my presidential run, which has been moved back to 2012 since I can't make the Presidential age cutoff for 08.

"12/23 Never Forget"

Bees + People with spare time and flammable liquids = hilarity. Via a coworker via Fark.com.

The best 20 minute timewaster of your life

Short of digital sex being figured out on the Internet this is one of the best things I have ever seen blogged. EVER The first link here is to a clip of Chris Matthews interviewing Matt Damon and Robert DeNiro. In the interview, Damon moonbats around and a bunch of blubbering college vaginas behind him clap as he spews political shit. (Sorry for the language but that's what he does.) It's typical of the Hollywood crap that makes me want to puke. This link, however, is from Wuzzadem. In it she makes one of the most creative and entertaining rebuttals that I have ever seem on any blog, any where. People, if there is nothing else you do today, take the time to check this out. I'm seriously impressed.

Someone just got "OWNED"

U.S. airstrike kills al-Zarqawi Reaction quotes: Iraqi Prime Minister Nuri al-Maliki ~ "Today, Zarqawi has been killed. Every time a Zarqawi appears we will kill him. We will continue confronting whoever follows his path. It is an open war between us." U.S. President George W. Bush ~ "Through his every action, he sought to defeat America and our coalition partners and turn Iraq into a safe haven from which al Qaeda could wage its war on free nations. To achieve these ends, he worked to divide Iraqis and incite civil war. And only last week he released an audio tape attacking Iraq's elected leaders and denouncing those advocating the end of sectarianism. Now Zarqawi has met his end and this violent man will never murder again." Maj. Gen. William Caldwell, spokesman, Multi-National Forces Iraq ~ "Iraqis can rejoice today. They have earned it with their blood, their sweat, their tears." Sen. Joe Biden, Delaware, the ranking Democrat on the Senate Foreign Relations committee ~ "There's a special place in Hell reserved for him. What Zarqawi did, he killed everybody indiscriminately. He killed Sunni, Shia. He was trying to foment the civil war which he got going. So, what he would do he would kill Sunnis and that would get blamed on the Shia, and then he killed Shia, and then he killed Kurds. He killed anybody at all." And from the Al Queda side Statement from al Qaeda in Iraq, posted on an Islamist Web sites that normally carries its messages ~ "We stress to our nation that what happened here only increases its honor, and victory is near, God willing. The nation of Mohammed always brings up great men, and hope remains until the end of time. Of course, there is nothing like the loss of the Prophet, peace be upon him. However, the nation continues to give, conquer and fight until the Word of God is the highest." From one of the Islamist Web sites that normally carry al-Zarqawi's messages ~ "People of Islam, God will not let our enemies celebrate and spread corruption in the ground. Expect the right that was stolen to come back to us and destroy the crusaders," a reference to the U.S. presence in Iraq. Sayel al-Khalayleh, al-Zarqawi brother ~ "We anticipated that he would be killed for a very long time," al-Kahlayleh said in an Associated Press report. "We expected that he would be martyred. We hope that he will join other martyrs in heaven." Abu Qudama, al-Zarqawi brother-in-law ~ "We're not sad that he's dead," he said in an AP report. "To the contrary, we're happy because he's a martyr and he's now in heaven." Finally, Rob B, FIU poster and American ~ "I'm glad he's dead and I only wish he had died sooner. In fact, he only thing I could wish for differently in this situation is that he had died sooner and that when the pilots landed their F-16's they were met by bikini wearing super models carring frosted steins of beer while the Team America theme song blasted over loudspeakers in the background." Thanks, and have a nice day. :)