2009 Bumpersticker Award Winner

via Kate

"The best 5 minutes of the US Congress in 2008."

And then there were breastses ...

MT. LAUREL, N.J. – The Juvenile Products Manufacturers Association (JPMA), which represents the leading manufacturers of baby bottles in the United States, stands by the scientific research indicating that plastic baby bottles are safe. JPMA supports the rigorous scientific evaluation process of the National Toxicology Program’s (NTP) Center for the Evaluation of Risks to Human Reproduction. Does anyone ... anyone .... remember when we suckled our young? h/t Did I win?

Groceries and the Sexes

For myself, there wasn't much of a difference save making a grocery list. Give this a read and let those differences be known. Are you banished from grocery shopping by your SO?

AN Exclusive FIU Parenting PSA

Parenting 101: Baths In this exclusive video, see my cute baby boy have fun and learn about bathtub safety in a meaningful way. (Also, this is FIU's first all nude video. I'm just saying.)

Geoff's cookies ....

The boy can bake. Photo by Jay Merry Christmas, y'all!

The way to go!

You'll die from a Heart Attack during Sex. Your a lover not a fighter but sadly, in the act of making love your heart will stop. But what a way to go. 'How will you die?' at QuizGalaxy.com

Embrace the darkside of the force

I'm trying to decide how to term this for my christmas list for the wife because by my thinking a redheaded Leia belly dancing would be the shit.

More advice for Hood ....

There are alternatives.

FORTHECHILDREN!!!1!

If you post it ... they will come.

Ok... and now for something completely different

I found this site and .... Wow! Seriously, that's all I got. For the link impaired: What is Christian Domestic Discipline? A domestic discipline marriage is one in which one partner in the marriage is given authority over the other and has the means to back the authority, usually by spanking. A Christian Domestic Discipline marriage is one that is set up according to Biblical standards; that is, the husband is the authority in the household. The wife is submissive to her husband as is fit in the Lord and her husband loves her as himself. He has the ultimate authority in his household, but it is tempered with the knowledge that he must answer to God for his actions and decisions. He has the authority to spank his wife for punishment, but in real CDD marriages this is taken very seriously and usually happens only rarely. CDD is so much more than just spanking. It is the husband loving the wife enough to guide and teach her, and the wife loving the husband enough to follow his leadership. A Christian marriage embodies true romance and a Christian man a true hero. Though this seems unusual in today's United States, this kind of marriage has been practiced throughout history and is still practiced in many parts of the world today. I consider this one slightly dumbfounding minus the term "slightly."

I just paid a plumber $100 to "whack-a-pipe" ....

Don't laugh at me! I didn't know where to whack.

You reap what you sow

From the Help.com Post topic: "global warming will kill us all, so why should i go to school?" Joh ~ Hey, global warming won’t happen for a long time yet, so make the most of your education. It will help, trust me. I see your point, but make most of the time we have left, but i think your using it as maybe an excuse to get away from school, nice try! But make the most of life, people could say i’m not going to work/school! But in the end we all die, MAKE THE MOST OF LIFE my friend. Do well at school! Arnday ~ I like this guys excuse, good idea, drop out, free yourself, lead a better life. Educate yourself in what you love, not state preparation for miserable jobs. 2Sweet 2pick i guess ~ are you serious anonymaously! go to school!! you will regret it in the end if you don’t!! get educated and then when that is over its your choice what to do then!! Live your life to the fullest you only have 1 chance but you can change it at anytime you want! Arnday ~ Its hardly irresponsible. Young people clearly have enough intelligence to work out the decision for themselves im simply promoting an alternative, a job isnt everything. There are plenty of other ways to make money, whether that be via crime, or via communal support, he could go elsewhere in the world and reinvent himself, the education system is hardly for everyone. the_girl_you_knew ~ are you seriously suggesting crime is a legitimate method of making money? Arnday ~ I am, crime pays does it not, just have to steal from the right people thats all, the rich in this world have taken money from the vunerable by underhand means, I see no reason it cant be taken back by similar means. Not bad advice, eh? Well, let me try to answer the query of "global warming will kill us all, so why should i go to school?" You don't really need to go to school. What you need to do is join up with Al Gore's super secret Earth defense squad. The paramilitary training they will give you will be invaluable in beating back the CO2 horde's imminent attack. Also, watch a lot of post apocalyptic movies like Cyborg with Van Damme, Escape From New York and of course Battlefield Earth. Then model everything that you do off the screen lives of those characters. (I'd have suggested Waterworld or the Postman but Kevin Costner would turn you into a pussy.) Then make sure you stock up on rocket launchers because you're gonna need them. BUT THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IS: DON'T EXHALE The CO2 in your very body could turn against you. Seriously, bro, the life you save could be your own. So until the CO2's attack, stay hard. Actual simulated image of a CO2 attack

Another reason to hate the enviromental alternitive fuel movement

I've alwyas know that the alternitve fuel crowd was full of sketchy chemistry and snake oil salesmen but now they are dealing with thier own problems: Internet driven greasy bastards. A local company has employed for many years a former Texas Ranger and a former Texas cop to track down criminals stealing a valuable substance - restaurant grease. Their job has gotten busier. The rising price of ethanol and increasing popularity of biodiesel fuel have spurred more people to take grease from traps behind restaurants to convert it to biodiesel or sell it on the black market. Cold Spring-based Griffin Industries Inc. employs former Texas Ranger Al Cuellar and former San Antonio cop Larry Findley to work with law enforcement all over the country to curb the thefts that can cost Griffin thousands of dollars each week. The company is an animal rendering and recycling company that renders restaurant grease and either sells it or manufactures it into useful substances, such as biodiesel and animal feed. The company keeps grease containers at many types of restaurants throughout the United States. Robert Griffin, president/CEO of Griffin Industries, wouldn't say how much grease thefts cost the company, but said the crime is increasing. "It has grown everywhere," Griffin said. "Many want to convert it to biodiesel. They think it is there for the taking." Grease thieves will often sneak behind restaurants at night, break the locks on containers and spill grease everywhere, said Findley, who has worked for Griffin Industries for 16 years. Thieves will often make off with 1,500 pounds of grease in one haul and sell it for between 10 and 15 cents a pound, Findley said. Texas and Oklahoma have been the hotbed of grease thieves for most of the past 20 years, Findley said. When Findley started with Griffin 16 years ago, there would be as many as 30 to 40 grease thefts in the Houston area each night. "We would make as much as six arrests in a night," Findley said. As the company and law enforcement made progress in Texas, about two years ago grease thefts started to increase elsewhere in the country, Findley said. A new type of grease thief has emerged in recent years. Average people concerned more about fuel efficiency than the street value of grease have been caught pilfering grease traps, Findley said. Biodiesel conversion kits have encouraged people to steal grease to run their car on it, he said. Many think they are entitled to the grease. "This is a recent phenomenon. These people are the worst kind of thief," Findley said. "They don't know they are stealing. The Internet is replete with how to make this stuff. They have no idea what they are doing." But these people can find themselves behind bars with serious theft charges, Findley said. The damage is both environmental and financial. "Our goal is environmental protection and neatness. Their goal is stealth and speed," Findley said. "They take grease out of containers by dipping it out. They spill the grease all over the place." The cost to restaurants and companies can be thousands of dollars, Findlay said. Few restaurants in Northern Kentucky have fallen victim so far. No members of the Northern Kentucky chapter of the Kentucky Restaurant Association have said they experienced this, said president Ted Vonden Benken. Griffin Industries is working to keep grease thieves away. "They think they can get this stuff," Findley said. "They are stealing from us. It is outright theft. They are causing an environmental risk hazard. They spill stuff all over the parking lot." A travesty, they should know better. Folks, leave the spilling of chemicals to us oil and gas types. For God's sake, we're professional we know what we're doing. (h/t mom)

HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!

The comprehensive "piece of crap" (aka Immigration bill) has been wounded. Most likely mortally! All I can say is that Cornyn and Hutchison, both R-Texas, voted the right way. Some illuminating quotes on this one: "Congress really needs to prove to the American people that it can come together on hard issues," Bush said. They did, GW. They came together and said to themselves "Holy shit, the unwashed masses are really pissed about this and no matter how much special interest money I might get, or what great pork I can trade for, I better kill it or find another day job." "Everyone knows that our immigration laws are broken," Schumer said. "And a country loses some of its greatness when it can't fix a problem that everyone knows is broken. And that's what happened today." Let's explore that logic, Chucky. A government fails to enforce the laws that is passes. Should they: a. Quit fucking around and enforce the laws they have b. Quit fucking around and at least "try" to enforce the laws they have c. Fuck around, yet eventually enforce the laws they have d. Have a shit flinging monkey fest in which they solve nothing, call their own people racist, ignore the voters and generally fuck around, other than making a bunch of law breaking people legal and giving them free crap. It seems that in Washington logic, D is the congressman's answer. Or at least it would have been, until thousands to millions of people gave a collective "WTF" to their officials and told them that we'll let you play your stupid political games all day long but America, for the most part, expects you to not give our country away. I still expect that the next election will have a great deal of turn over just from this issue alone and well it should. So for all the congressional members consider this your notice, much like the one that the old media establishment received over "Rathergate" and the like: The Internet has leveled the field. You once thought that the people were stupid and easy to fool. Individually, that very well may be. But collectively, we are smarter than you, we have more time than you, we have a more vested interest than you and we are watching you. If you try to screw us, we will notice and we will return the favor, in spades.

That robot video ...

reminds me of my nephews' antics in Nova Scotia. They were very, very far away from home.

The biggest PSA I have done EVER!!!!!

Sometimes, just sometimes, a man discovers something in a place that he would never expect to find anything and he says "holy crap!" That's right. He actually stops and audibly says "Holy" followed by "crap." It's that damn big. Yesterday was one of those moments. I was in the car and I was talking to my wife and she told me something that almost made me wreck the car into SUV in front of me in sheer joy too vast to allow a man to touch the breaks because there ain't no stopping us now. She was telling me that while watching a chick daytime show, called Rachel Ray, that there was this doctor on there to talk about curing and preventing cellulite. As dudes, we know this as "cottage cheese." Women know it as "the evil that must be fought at all costs." Therein lies the greatness. It's something that both sexes are against. So how do women stop, or prevent, cottage cheese butt/thigh/leg? My wife told me and I almost died. Straight from the Dr's mouth and Rachel Ray's site: Dr. Lionel Bissoon, author of The Cellulite Cure, stops by to debunk some of the myths about cellulite and to pass along information on a new technique he says can get rid of it. The three Cellulite myths: Myth #1: Only overweight women have cellulite "Ninety percent of women have cellulite," says Dr. Bissoon. "Everyone thinks that overweight women have the most cellulite but it's the exact opposite: Thin women have the worst cellulite. Men get cellulite too, about five percent of men get it. The youngest guy I've treated was 21." Myth #2: Exercise can burn off cellulite "Between 25 and 35, estrogen is going down and that's when the cellulite starts to show its ugly face," says Dr. Bissoon. "The other cause is lifestyle. Exercising helps, but it's not going to take away cellulite. It will just work on prevention." Myth #3: What's underwear got to do with it? "Elastic is like a tourniquet," Dr. Bissoon explains. "It goes across the buttocks and cuts off circulation, causing dimples. These things are absolutely bad for you. Throw the grandma panties away! Get lace, no elastic. The lace across the groin is perfect -- no tight elastic. To prevent cellulite at night, sleep naked." Every married man in America, here is the direct link to that. Print it and stick it on every piece of underwear that isn't a thong or lacy. Burn your wife's "comfy bedtime sweats." Your saving her from the evils of cellulite. You can thank me with currency. I don't mind. My work here is done.

I got bad, bad news

I took the Earth Day Foot print quiz and guess what? If everyone lived like me we'd need 7.5 Earths to accommodate for all the natural resources that I consume. You can test for yourself here. This isn't good but I know a way that we can all make a difference: From now on, all of you walk when you go places. Me? I'll still drive. That way you're more than compensating for me. Now I know some of you are going to think "Why does he get to drive" or "Why is he so special?" Well, I'm not really. The reason is that I don't feel in the least bit guilty because I'm a bad person, and to be honest I'm cool with that, so you guys and gals with all this eco-guilt are going to have to take up the slack. Sorry, them's the breaks. On the plus side, you'll lose a few pounds walking so really this is all for your benefit anyway. What can I say, I'm a giver.

Ok ... you geniuses .... you ....

a) said lightbulb detaches from said retina. b) said lightbulb is pretty hot. c) user knows you can shove a spud into the socket and twist the sucker out. d) is it green? e) does it go boom?