Hee!

In an angry, vindictive email fired off to Hollywood reporters, Sharon Stone’s vagina has publicly distanced itself from Stone’s controversial claim that the devastating earthquake in China may have been karmic payback for China’s rough treatment of Tibetan monks.

Your Weekend Reading Assignment...

Comes from TNOYF. Give it a read where they answer vexing questions such as: Do most men really have nicknames for their penises? If a guy looks at gay porn, is he gay? Why do women have to explain things to men in detail? Just to name a few. Read it all. No really...

Peanuts: The Lost Strips

I can only hope that BFW and Potfry go long on their latest bit of satire. The possibilities are endless. And hilarious.

Fact-checking Ahmadinejad

At TNOYF

The whole Kathy Griffin thing

In case you haven't heard, let me throw out the celebrity news shocker of the day. LOS ANGELES (Reuters) - Comic Kathy Griffin's "offensive" remarks about Jesus at the Creative Arts Emmy Awards will be cut from a pre-taped telecast of the show, the Academy of Television Arts and Sciences said on Tuesday. Griffin made the provocative comment on Saturday night as she took the stage of the Shrine Auditorium to collect her Emmy for best reality program for her Bravo channel show "My Life on the D-List." "A lot of people come up here and thank Jesus for this award. I want you to know that no one had less to do with this award than Jesus," an exultant Griffin said, holding up her statuette. "Suck it, Jesus. This award is my god now." Since that, there have been several people on either sides of issue try to fight to claim the moral high ground on this. Some call it a point of free speech. You also have some calling for her job and equating this to the Imus thing or the Micheal Richards outburst or Eddie Griffen having the mike cut on him at the BET show by Rev Al Sharpton for dropping the N-word. The truth of the matter is that this isn't the same. Any one that thinks it is, is fooling themselves. Any person that is really honest in their assessment of American culture has to accept that we are no longer a Christian nation. Christians are not part of the grievance narrative. We're not going to get equal consideration. We can't expect any reverence from anyone. I'm sorry, but that's how it is. Yes, millions go to church and affiliate themselves as "Christians" in the polls but this country has no claim to the title of "christian." Why would I say that? The proof is in our culture for everyone to see. Pick almost any social ill effecting the US and it's against Jesus' teaching. Drugs, teen pregnancy, gay marriage, corruption, ect. Everything we deal with has a moral component to it that is covered by the concepts that Jesus gave. Our society has decided instead that what they want is more important than what Christ said was right. Sure, Jesus said not to be a drunk but I feel like tying one one and as a result we have drunk drivers. Sure Jesus said that sex should only be between a man and his wife but I can screw whenever I like so as a result now we have sexual abuse, kiddie porn, AIDS and gay sex in airport bathrooms. The list goes on and on and each time we see a social ill, it crosses the line at the point where people decide what they want is more important than what's right. I'm not immune. I do stupid things that I know for a fact are wrong all the time. As a result the society stands back and yells "Ha ha, you're a hypocrite! See, we can do our own thing because you Christians can't even follow you're own guy's rules." If justification is all they are looking for that's fine. They'd find a way to rationalize it anyway. The point they miss is that even when God's followers don't follow His guides what happens? Pain, heartache and loss. If anything, it proves the point. He gave us those rule to help us because he loves us but people think they don't need Gods love. The want their freedom from morality more. The moral vacuum left is the interesting thing to watch. I doubt that Kathy Griffin was shocked that her statement would offend people. In fact, I'm betting that she hoped that it would. By being intentionally rude, she got publicity and increased her standing in Hollywood by being an "edgy comedian" who is unafraid to take on the social taboo of religion. Of course, that's BS. If she had guts, she would have mocked Allah, Buddha, Vishnu, Global Warming, MLK and an entire pantheon of other religious and quasi-religious entities. Of course, in 20 seconds, that's a long joke. She knew Jesus was a safe shot because what's Jesus' rep? He forgives, right? You crack that joke with Allah and you better start checking your car for bombs. So what should be done? How should Christians react to this? My personal response is to say "who cares." Kathy Griffin may or may not believe in God and, by extension, Jesus. If she does, I hope that she realizes that she just put a stumbling block in front of a lot of people. If she doesn't, I hope that she rides her new found fame to the inspiration of reading more bible to get better researched jokes. I'm a pretty firm believer that most resist doing that because they fear conversion and they should. However, for us, Protesting her doesn't show God's love. Quite to the contrary, it just validates the whole group that are looking for an excuse in Christan behavior to rationalize doing what they want. If anything, we should pray for her. It would be a sad existence to actually have an award be your God. Validation from a statue has a historic element, to be sure, but most of them end up museums. They also don't love you and if Jesus took the nails for Kathy, he can tolerate her insults long enough to tell her that he loves her. Someday, she might get that.

Work...!!!

I just got out of a meeting, checked out my email, shoved a sandwich down my throat and went into another meeting. In the mix of all of that I wondered "If Genghis Khan had to consider the insurance implications of mobilization and demobilization costs, infrastructure fabrication costs and projected contingency overruns do you think he would have just stayed home and gone fishing?" I bet so. I know that the guy raped and pillaged his way across the ancient world but I could totally kick his ass before he even started with one good meeting and a few Excel spreadsheets. By the time I was done, he'd be so bummed out that he'd dump his loot in a IRA and decide that his purpose in life was to make pottery in Santa Fe. Genghis Khan is my bitch.

OK....

I have to admit, I don't really grasp the nuances of asian culture. Still, that's pretty funny.

Know your 'frenemy'

CNN has an article up about girls having a 'frenemy.' You know, like those girls who are friends yet constantly compete and back stab and stuff like enemies? Think of their example of Paris Hilton and Nicole Ritchie. Anyway according to their expert du joir: Females are more competitive with their friends than men due to cultural circumstance, Apter theorizes. "They (women) sometimes idealize their friendships -- they should only be loving and supportive -- whereas the wider culture allows men to enact the inevitable competitive feelings openly, without feeling ashamed or guilty," she says. Every friendship -- no matter how solid or tentative -- has mixed feelings of support and antagonism. Apter says that "among female friends there is also something else: a wish to offer support and see a friend thrive, on the one hand, and a fear of being left behind or out-shone, on the other." In essence, the "hate" part of a love-hate relationship isn't really hate -- it's envy or insecurity. In this day of civil rights and equality, I want to call bullshit. I think that the media has allowed this phenomenon to gain traction in order to appeal to the fairer sex as a way to pat them on the back and say "It's OK if you act like psycho-bitches to each other because it's only the result of you repressing your competitive natures in order to be nice, unlike the knuckle dragging brutes over there." Sure it sounds coffee table smart but lets call this what it is. Women hate to see anyone have fun. Think about it. Example: There are all these rock bands out there kicking ass and taking names. The along come the PMRC, the Parents Music Resource Center, crapping in the punchbowl. Who started it? 4 women: Tipper Gore, wife of Senator and later Vice President Al Gore; Susan Baker, wife of Treasury Secretary James Baker; Pam Howar, wife of Washington realtor Raymond Howar; and Sally Nevius, wife of Washington City Council Chairman John Nevius. Example 2: Who always stops you from running with scissors and playing with fire? Your mom. Example 3: Which sex complains of you being "distant" and then "has a headache" the rest of the night except during the last 1:23 seconds of the third period of game seven of the Stanley Cup finals? We men have lived with this for decades but considered it the price we had to pay for maintaining the patriarchy and having sex. But then all of a sudden women wanted to vote, which corresponds with the decline of western society, and they wanted equal pay, which corresponded with a rapid increase in credit card debt in America, and then finally they took away sexual harassment, which corresponds with workplace shootings and fung shui. OK, fine. So now your equal. So why would women expect other women to give them a break now that were in the middle of the pinnacle of women's lib? Hey, you guys wanted to be treated equal to men? Live it up. Treat each other the way you treated us for centuries. As for us guys, we don't have 'frenemies.' All we have is "dudesthatwanttoboneyoursisterorgirlfriend" and they are a lot easier to deal with because you just make sure to peg them in the balls during hockey practice. So, in summary: Women. Equal Rights. No fun. Hockey. Puck to the balls. I can solve any world issue on a Monday after 4 cups of coffee. Update: I forgot that animals hate us too.

You reap what you sow

From the Help.com Post topic: "global warming will kill us all, so why should i go to school?" Joh ~ Hey, global warming won’t happen for a long time yet, so make the most of your education. It will help, trust me. I see your point, but make most of the time we have left, but i think your using it as maybe an excuse to get away from school, nice try! But make the most of life, people could say i’m not going to work/school! But in the end we all die, MAKE THE MOST OF LIFE my friend. Do well at school! Arnday ~ I like this guys excuse, good idea, drop out, free yourself, lead a better life. Educate yourself in what you love, not state preparation for miserable jobs. 2Sweet 2pick i guess ~ are you serious anonymaously! go to school!! you will regret it in the end if you don’t!! get educated and then when that is over its your choice what to do then!! Live your life to the fullest you only have 1 chance but you can change it at anytime you want! Arnday ~ Its hardly irresponsible. Young people clearly have enough intelligence to work out the decision for themselves im simply promoting an alternative, a job isnt everything. There are plenty of other ways to make money, whether that be via crime, or via communal support, he could go elsewhere in the world and reinvent himself, the education system is hardly for everyone. the_girl_you_knew ~ are you seriously suggesting crime is a legitimate method of making money? Arnday ~ I am, crime pays does it not, just have to steal from the right people thats all, the rich in this world have taken money from the vunerable by underhand means, I see no reason it cant be taken back by similar means. Not bad advice, eh? Well, let me try to answer the query of "global warming will kill us all, so why should i go to school?" You don't really need to go to school. What you need to do is join up with Al Gore's super secret Earth defense squad. The paramilitary training they will give you will be invaluable in beating back the CO2 horde's imminent attack. Also, watch a lot of post apocalyptic movies like Cyborg with Van Damme, Escape From New York and of course Battlefield Earth. Then model everything that you do off the screen lives of those characters. (I'd have suggested Waterworld or the Postman but Kevin Costner would turn you into a pussy.) Then make sure you stock up on rocket launchers because you're gonna need them. BUT THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IS: DON'T EXHALE The CO2 in your very body could turn against you. Seriously, bro, the life you save could be your own. So until the CO2's attack, stay hard. Actual simulated image of a CO2 attack

Random things I find on the net

For our pal Gail: with comtemporary "Final Fantasy video game youtube" reference included I'm all about the juxtaposition today

Today's political arguement

Micheal Keaton, George Clooney, Val Kilmer or Christian Bale as Batman? Personally, I'll go with Christian Bale because his bat suit didn't have nipples. Right, George?

Monday's political arguement

Ahem.... IS too...

WOW...

I was google searching for WW2 propaganda posters today, mostly because I think they're cool, and I found a site that had me laughing hard. This guy is a progressive cartoonist who is less than impressed with the Democratic party. I can empathize. As a Conservative Christian the Republican party doesn't exactly roll the way I want all the time. Unlike him, though, I haven't made nifty posters. Let me just take a moment to say, from across the aisle, "That's pretty funny." Props to the guys at www.sinkers.org I may not be on the same wavelength as far as political theory but I have to respect the humor.

Today's political argument

My stance: People would dislike the Toyota Prius less and mock it less as a symbol of eco-wussy-ness if it simply had a nicer body style. As a preliminary hybrid, they didn't do it any favors making it look like crap. (Any takers?)

Today's political argument

My stance: Rabbit season !!!!! (Any takers)

Why wait? : My abrasive and caustic response to the post below this one

Since A. Whitney Brown was kind enough to share with the world, via Youtube, his disregard and dislike for the troops, I feel it's perfectly justifiable for me to retort via our blog. After all, when one does a Google search for his name the first result is his wikipedia link. You search for me and your first result is FIU. I had no memorable roles on SNL. He had no memorable roles on SNL. So we're on level pegging. A Whitney Brown made several statements designed to be funny. They weren't though. However, this is a common thing and happens to everyone. For comics, or in this case comic-wannabees, it can be embarrassing. Sadly, medical science had not discovered the humorist equivalent of erectile dysfunction/premature ejaculation medicine for the comic who can neither maintain, nor time his delivery. While embarrassing, you have to applaud the dysfunctional comic who is brave enough to go shoot his wad with the lack of effectiveness displayed here, thereby risking certain humiliation and disdain, in order to make a point. What was his point exactly? Let's examine that. After boiling through the atrophied layers of fat surrounding what should have been a 30 second quip that was agonizingly drawn out, we come down to these points: ~ People say that they support the troops all the time ~ Some might be insincere ~ Not all the troops are brave or patriotic ~ Some are just there for the free school and for gay sex ~ Brown pays for all the military training, food and equipment from his taxes ~ Brown doesn't like taxes ~ He wishes he had an Iraqi skull because he doesn't get anything to show for all those hundreds of dollars that he pays for in taxes ~ Brown thinks the troops are stupid. ~ Brown thinks the troops are morally retarded ~ Brown doesn’t like our troops ~ Brown doesn’t like what they’re doing ~ Brown doesn’t like their fat, whining families Now, I'm sure that he would say that several of these comments are hyperbole or taken out of context or that he was just riffing. That may very well be true. If I remember correctly, so was Micheal Richards when he had his N-word laden meltdown. As was Imus, when he made his Rutgers remarks. However in both cases those were decisions and words said on the fly that people like Al Sharpton has assured me are "signs of what's really beneath." Brown, on the other hand, did this as a premeditated, written, produced and then published material. Unless he ad libbed during the execution of his posting, he had plenty of time to rethink the conventional wisdom of his commentary. In response, let me retort. In this war, people have died. People have been killed or wounded. Several people have lost time from jobs, families and their plans. Several people have had to make hard decisions. People have had to weight consequences. Some people have committed incredible acts of bravery. Some have committed acts of extreme cowardice and utter depravity. However, all of these thing have happened without a single second wasted on what A. Whitney Brown thinks or feels or believes. The reason for this is dual fold. On the first hand, he has absolutely nothing to offer to any side of the pro-war or anti-war efforts. He is not smart enough to lead either side. Strategy escapes him. He is not famous enough to engender support because he lived in Denis Millers shadow, much like a Remora fish living off the scraps of Miller's work. He's not particularly creative. He's not physically useful other than a low tech land mine finder, but the cost of transportation to the front wouldn't be worth it. He is essentially useless as a participant at any level. The second reason is that what he believes is so devoid of value that it actually repels both sides. The claim that the troops are "moral idiots" might be useful if it was delivered from someone who was seen to be as "morally astute." Brown has no claim to this. His sole claim to an level of notoriety is being the "yuk monkey" that lived in Miller's wake. In third rate comedy dives that might be good enough to get you half price Bud Lite but for the rest of the world we regard that position to be as relevant as the 16 year old kid that loads my groceries and squeezes the bread. He's barely a mind annoyance and a far cry from any type of moral compass. Additionally, his reasoning is so devoid of continuity and context that it is the equivalent to trying to teach brine shrimp how to do calculus. He has no grasp of the subject, it's relevance in the world or his relation to either of the aforementioned relationships. In fact, the only reason his video is a topic of conversation is one thing: A Whitney Brown has finally said what so many in the entertainment industry think but don't have the balls to say. They know it will make them look like elitist assholes. They know it will separate them from the people who purchase their products. They know that is can ruin their careers. Brown, hell he never had a career, so what does he have to lose? Sadly, this derangement has allowed for him to no longer have the foresight to see the connection to the underlying consequences of what he has to lose by so rudely asking his question: his freedom, his lifestyle and quite possibly some teeth. See, in the history of mankind, I can find a lot of people who think they are smart. I can find a lot who think they are smarter than everyone else. I can even find people who have expressed, due to what they consider their ample intelligence, the same disregard for the lives of soldiers. What I can't find is even one case in history where comedians, much less one comedian, much less one "spare of a comedian" used jokes to dethrone a tyrant or protect his homeland or stop a war. I can't find a place where comedians set the moral compass of a society. I can't even find a place where a comedian, cracking jokes, saved lives. Raising money on a telethon is about as close as it gets and Mr Brown's didn't exactly even make that cut. So while Mr Brown may not like the troops, what they are doing or their families, I'd like to inform Mr. Brown that we don't really like you. This should be a noticeable feature in that unlike so many others who went on to have further camera driven comedic careers after SNL, he disappeared like a fart in a tornado. So congrats on at least having the nuts to be honest about hating our soldiers, I'm sure that will be a lot of comfort if some supporter of our troops, former military person or current enlistee decides to activate your dental plan. But hey, that might actually get you back on TV for 15 seconds. Outside of that, you are still an unremarkable ball of lackluster talent and a trivia answer to the question "Who was the SNL cast member whom Denis Miller had to carry almost weekly?"

Gossip, TNOYF Style...

Many residents in the town, most of whom are suspected of massive in-breeding that has resulted in an abundance of shuffling, hump-backed children, now believe that the rumors are not true. Read the rest...

Updating some WW2 public sevice posters for the 2007 warrior

"Burqavaganza" stopped

I know that no one saw this coming but Pakistan has pulled the plug on "Burqavaganza", a theatre group staging a satirical play about the burqa, the all-covering head-to-toe garment worn by conservative Muslim women. From CNN's story: Described by critics as a romp, the play sought to highlight the impact of the veil on society, by showing how wearers use it as a way to hide what they want to keep private. In the play, young men and women wore the burqa to go out on secret dates, and it featured a character called Burqa bin Badin. The play also showed a burqa-clad married couple put to death for making love in public. Predictably, religious conservative Pakistanis did not find it funny, going as far as to describe the play as blasphemous, a crime in Pakistan that can carry a death sentence. "They have committed blasphemy against the Prophet (Mohammad)," Razia Aziz, a female lawmaker from the Islamist opposition alliance, told the National Assembly. She demanded the government take action against people responsible for staging "Burqavaganza". Mehnaz Rafi, a lawmaker for the ruling Pakistan Muslim League from Lahore, opposed the government giving in to the Islamists. "A few people cannot dictate affairs of the state. Every person has the right to lead his life his own way. A few people cannot snatch freedom from society," Rafi said. Shahid Nadeem, the director of the play, told the weekly Friday Times that the play aimed to raise awareness about a trend to force women to wear the veil. Progressive Pakistanis have become increasingly shocked by how bold religious radicals have become in spreading their Taliban-style values in society. Source that are close to FIU say that this trend may continue with other musicals in that country. Here are some of the plays that have been targeted. In a cross media move, they are also canceling "Scrubs" UPDATE In a suprise move they have also shut down "www.upburka_voyeur.com" however, I was able to get three of their shots before they killed the site. What depravity. Can you blame them. This western influence is clearly over the top.

Democrats: Imploding with the stupid stupidity that only the truly stupid can muster and my suitable flippant response to their blatant partisanship

Here is your quote of the day: "For the first time, the president will have to be accountable for this war in Iraq," House Speaker Nancy Pelosi, D-California, said Tuesday. "And he does not want to face that reality." Interesting concept. Let me respond by channelling Saturday Night Lives "Point/Counterpoint" skit. Nancy, you ignorant slut! Bagged-out, dried-up, slunken meat like you and Harry Reid know the rules. If you want a hold Bush responsible, try him for impeachment. Oh, but you act as if this was what the people voted for. However, taking you left wing agenda and endangering the troops by gutting their funding is reprehensible. But I suppose that sort of fashionable political promiscuting means nothing to you, Nancy, who hops from political bed to political bed with the frequency of a cheap ham radio. But hell hath no fury like desserted troops, and unlike George Soros and your left wing pals, a screeching, squealing, reptatious swamp sow is going to be after you for neglecting true patriots. I guess what you and Harry are saying is that when you're on your backs, the meter is running. Well, please spare us, gals, and tell us the rate's at the top. Then we can choose which two bit tarts and bargain basement sluts to shack up with this next election.

This is the face of liberal satire

Not fair, nor balanced and listing strongly to the left, but still somewhat funny in the "that it does poke fun at mac freaks" kind of way. Feel free to rip the inaccuracy.

Why screw with oil and cars when we can really fix the problem?

Fact: Humans are the dominate species of Kingdom Animalia. Fact: We drive cars and stuff. Fact: The earth is getting warmer, or at least we are saying that it is, which is the same damn thing. Fact: Cows are farting and that makes evil methane! Did you know that methane, often a byproduct of flatulence, is one of the most damaging greenhouse gases? Did you know that farty cows poot more damaging emissions than the entire transportation segment, including automobiles. Did you know that each time a cow cuts the cheese, the resulting gas warms the Earth 23 times faster than the carbon dioxide emitted by cars and trucks? Did you know that cattle are responsible for 18 percent of greenhouse gases, according to a United Nations' report issued last fall? And yet the automakers, and not the agricultural industry, are on the congressional carpet, where they face radically higher fuel economy standards. The mandates could cost more than $100 billion to implement, put one or more of the Big Three over the edge and take the national economy into the toilet. We have to act now. We have to move to stop this global catastrophe. We need to stop these bovine eco-terrorists! To this aim, I have been working tirelessly to save the planet. Al Gore? He's a figurative "gleek" from the Wonder twins to my Superman when it come to actually fixing the problem. My first idea was to put into action a plan of simple back pressure fart suppression. Towards that ends, no pun intended, we used a $50,000,000 government grant to develop this wonderful piece of biodegradable mechanical assistance. Behold the De-methanizer. Note the porous ergonomic design on that sweetie. I won two Car and Driver design of the year awards with that. Unfortunately, we had a few mishaps in testing, mostly explosive ones, and we had to refine the idea. My second run was to allow for pressured dispersal but instead we would borrow from the oil industry and flare the gas off. Toward this ends, once again no pun intended, we developed 3 prototypes to test. He's a post- production image. Initial tests were effective. Sure we had a few gas fires, but it was manageable. The we had a group of calves get into the cabbage patch. It seems that we had the cow weight to flare thrust ratio right but the assumed bovine aerodynamics all wrong. The good news is that the FAA has assured me that John Denver's plane wasn't really fit to fly back then any way. With all of this behind us I'm happy to say that we have discovered a better way to stop global warming. So go get steak tonight and strike a blow against the eco-terroristic cows in order to save mother earth. Do it now, for the children! "Please, save us! Eat the damnable devil cows so we have clean air! For the love of Gaea, and all the other Captain Planet characters! Eat the cow."

My top ten reasons for not wanting to stop global warming

10. Meat thaws faster when you take it out of the freezer. 9. I hate wearing sweaters and I like girls in thongs 8. Polar bears need to drown because it's the "circle of life." 7. I'm from Texas. Driving on ice scares me. 6. Al Gore would quit his day job. 5. I'm too lazy to kill all the trees and cyanobacteria it would take to offset my CO2 emmissions 4. Letting the cows fart is the humane thing to do. 3. Glaciers have been adopted by the Gay and Lesbian League as their metamorphic complex of choice after I reclaimed volcanic intrusions with my motto "Inject her right with your porphry dike." 2. New York would be cool as an "American Venice", besides Jersey could use a bath. And finally, my number one reason for Not wanting to stop global warming: 1. Leonardo DiCaprio is my sworn enemy. Feel free to opine or add resons of your own.

Political Biology

The "American Partygutter" is unique to most species of carp in several ways. While speciation is always possible in the population, the species commingle in such a way as to suggest interbreeding. This, however, has been shown to be untrue. In fact, the taxonomy of the group may later be divided as the behavioral separation drives groups to compete in the environments they attempt to thrive in. All of the member have the same indicative markings of the "common Democrat carp," in that, they show signs of erratic reaction to stimulus given off by the Republiophyus porkulous, or the "American Lost Conservative Bass." All Partygutters exhibit the same feeding frenzy in the presence of the "Taxous surplusoda" and the "Socialia entitlementia." All have the thick, layer of slime that allows for camouflage from all the members of the predatory "Networkosa media" and are able to have their erratic behavior escape notice, with the noted exception of the media Sub-species group "fox newsuem." Studies suggest that "fox newsuem" show a preference for attacking the Partygutter, although that has been a subject of some debate. In the picture above are the 4 major subgroups of the Partygutter. The first is a subgroup we have designated as "Goreian." Prone to almost self-destructive efforts to buck the hierarchy of the carp, this member is the most traveled. It will expend enormous amounts of energy and show incredible amounts of warning behavior in order to be noticed. Typically, this notice is short lived as signs of danger are rarely present. It's also a "bloviate" in that is calls allow for no response. Unlike typical Democrats, the warning behaviors of this carp steadily increase with or without notice. Even in cases where the group responds to the Goreians control, the Goreian shows a lack of ability to lead. As a result, Goreian's are usually shunned by the common democrat at any level deeper than indicating notice. The second fish is of the subgroup "Edwardian." This fish has an incredible capacity for bottom feeding. While incredibly productive at living off of the muck, like the "common Ambulancechaser," the Edwardian tries to pass it's self off as a common democrat. This rarely works as the Edwardian has a tendency to allow for offensive parasites, like the "Feminista marcotta" or the "Feminista mcewenia", to damage his relations with the larger population. The 3rd fish is of the subgroup "Obamariferous." A newer arrival to the population, this subgroup seems to have carved a heirarchial niche by simply being unremarkable. Due to coloring, and a degree of articulation which the group clearly desires but outwardly refuses to exhibit preference to, the Obamaiferous has shown it's skill in seeking dominance by not standing out from the landscape unless it's in a totally safe and guarded environment. The final fish shown is of the subgroup "Haggas." This group was once thought of as a mutual symbiont that swam in the shadows of the Bubbairian. We now know that this subgroup is not commensual but instead somewhat parasitic. An underrated aggressor in the population, this subgroup has gotten ahead by hiding in the shadow of the Bubbairian and then attacking viciously from behind. This subgroup is also noted because it was once believed to possess both male and female reproductive organs but clearly no heart. We now know this is not true. It has a heart but is smaller and blacker than the rest of the species. While such diversity is usually a sign of positive evolutionary strength, these subgroups of Partygutters actually increase the possibility of extinction due to their individualistic efforts to achieve dominance. While this may not mark the end of the common democrat, it may allow for a resurgence of the Republiophyus porkulous, or the "American Lost Conservative Bass," which would be equally unfavorable for the phyla Americana.

College induced Haiku

"A haiku in honor of the Welfare mother in my biology class who argued with our lab instructor in her efforts to get to retake a quiz she missed because she "works 40 hours a week, too." Boo Hoo Hoo Wah wah wah wah wah Damn! Shut up! A haiku for the conceited blond girl that sits at the table with the nerdy guy who does all her lab work for her. Thin legs and hot body aside, you're stupid A haiku for the Iraqi Freedom vet in my biology class Yes, they're young Yes, they're ungrateful Still, good job. Finally, a haiku for the older, balding, sarcastic blogger in the class Your Haiku are biased by your need for coffee

Ladies and Infidels,

The silky smooth sounds of Islamic Rage Boy...

Your Tuesday giggle

Over at Ace's, he has a post up that points out that most of women's relationship magazines have articles about men, and how they think, written by women. So he proposed writing his own magazine for women with article actually written by men and then asked commenters for article suggestions. Here are some of the highlights posted straight from the article it's self: "Realizing That Every Time Your Feelings Are Bruised By Somebody It Isn't A Disaster" "Every Thought I Have Doesn't Have to Be Expressed" "Letting Your Man Decompress From a Hectic Day Before Barraging Him With Every Detail of Your Day" "Do You Really Want To Do This Gay Shit With Me, Or Are You Just Being Nice?:" Learning To Accept Victory Without Demanding Your Man Join In Celebrating His Own Emasculation" "It's Your Period, Not Our Period: Menstruation Is Not A Freakin' Joint Checking Account" The Words That Come Out Of His Mouth: The Secret Source Of What A Man Is Really Trying To Tell You! Carmen Electra Posters In The Garage Does Not Mean That We Don't Love You. "Satisfy Your Man: Get Naked And Avoid The Martyr-Like Sighs. It's Not Complicated!" Why two minutes left in the 4th quarter matters more than anything you may have to say. “Women: You don't want to hear what we think. You want to hear what you think -- in a deeper voice.” You Didn't Marry a Homo: A guide to his insensitivity. "Bathroom Etiquette: If You Use My Razor To Shave Your Legs, Please Tell Me Before I Cut My Face To Hell The Next Morning" "Why he likes his mother's cooking more than yours. 10 easy steps to make every meal not take like a yak's ass." "Yes, You're Sexier Than Ever, And Yes, You'll Be Even Sexier If You Start Working Out And Dieting Like You Always Say And Get Back Down To Your College Weight: Learning That If You Keep Demanding Your Man Assert Two Mutually Contradictory Claims, He's Eventually Going To Trip Up And Tell The Truth" Bachelor Party Secrets: No. He's not fucking telling. "His Chair: Move Your Ass" "Your Friend Isn't Funny and Outrageous - She's Just Loud and Obnoxious (That's Why She's Alone)" "A Man's Guide To Dealing With Your Feelings: Bottle That Crap Up" "If It's Okay For You To Hate Your Mother, Why Isn't It Okay For Me To Hate Your Mother?" The Couch Is Heavy: Pick a spot and stick with it. "Would You Like it If We Sprayed the House with WD-40? Why Your Man Hates Potpourri" "The Fine Line: When Decoration Turns Into Clutter" Scrapbooking: Are you serious? THE STRONG SILENT TYPE: why a deaf mute may be your last, best hope. Community Art Fairs: No. No, no, no, no, no. No. The Pain Of Childbirth: Not Men's Fault Eve Picked The Apple "Would It Kill You To Wear Something Besides Sweatpants To Bed?"

Proof that David Beckham and LA will go great together

David Beckham has already made an impact on the US and he hasn't had to do a thing yet. He's not kicked one MLS ball on a US pitch and he's already crossed over in terms of sport and format. You want proof? The Game has threatened to "kick David Beckham's ass", following the football superstar's multi-million dollar transfer to the American soccer league. The hip hop icon originates from Los Angeles, where Beckham will play for the LA Galaxy from August when he completes his move from Real Madrid in Spain. However, Game, real name Jayceon Taylor, has dismissed the former England captain's football skills, describing him as being only "pretty good". He has also issued an interesting challenge to Beckham, which appears to have no basis in the traditional laws or parameters of European football as we know it. The challange: "The Game" then followed up that statement in saying that he could out-bake Strawberry Shortcake, out-garden Martha Stewart and out-ego Donald Trump. While Stewart refused to comment, Trump said he was too busy with another loud mouth to be bothered. Strawberry Shortcake's people, however, have only issued one statement: "Strawberry has said that if he wants to come in her kitchen he better know he's gonna be eating her muffins because he ain't got nothing to cook with that Strawberry wants. Ask those clowns, Milli Vanilli. Look what it got them when you mess wit tha Queen. " Dare I say, ginger snap!

Forget someone on your gift list?

Fear not! TNOYF has a great gift idea for that member of your family that loves to keep track of Iraq casualties: Are you freakishly obsessed with the daily casualty count in Iraq? Do you find yourself disappointed when a day or two goes by and no American soldiers die? Have you ever been at a cocktail party and said, "How can we be so damn jovial when George Bush is responsible for a death toll in Iraq that is approaching one-tenth the total of British dead in the Second Boer War?" But hurry - I'm sure supplies are limited.