So... did we win?

From Foxnews... The [Supreme] Court ruled in Citizens United v. The Federal Election Commission that government limits on corporate-funded, independent political broadcasts during elections constituted a violation of free speech. The victory, everyone agrees, will change the face of federal campaign financing. continued... The case formed after Citizens United wanted to pay to air "Hillary: the Movie," a critical biopic of Hillary Clinton, on a cable pay-per-view system during her 2008 bid for the Democratic presidential nomination. But under the 2002 Bipartisan Campaign Reform Act (BCRA), Citizens United, which takes in both corporate and private funding, was barred from airing the film just before the primaries. The Court, in its 5-4 decision, ruled that Citizens United's right to purchase the time to play its film during the primary was protected by the First Amendment. But more importantly, it also struck down the BCRA provision that prevented non-profits, corporations and unions from buying advertising within 30 days before a presidential primary and 60 days before a general election. So is this good or bad? I am not really sure to be honest. In 2008 I found it highly questionable that "Hillary: the Movie" was censored but all the MMMOMs (Michael Moore Movie of the Month) could be released/shown/aired whenever it best served the Democratic Party best. So in that regard I think justice would be served by admitting that the censorship was wrong. That and going back in time and letting this movie air. However I am a little concerned about what else this decision means. A little concerned that we may have opened a Pandora's Box of corporate political adds and overly partisan media coverage. Though as long as they let MSNBC tote its sad "news" programs along I guess it might not be that different. Conservatives have been pushing to clean up the election process by reducing the impact that big lobbyists and unions can have on elections, which in turn will reduce back-scratching and pork spending on special interests. This ruling may undo all of that. It doesn't matter if you limit campaign spending, if at the same time you allow unions and corporations to purchase add time and openly allow political propaganda to broadcast and portray themselves as "news". Again we will have to wait and see how and if this changes things. It might not make much difference, but the possibility for this to hurt the conservative cause of limiting government is there. So in a way it was a big win for a conservative message against unfair and, as the court ruled, illegal liberal censorship... but possibly at the cost of some the conservative ideals that message sought to illuminate. So what do you think about it?

The Diana Hat-trick!

Seeing how D has pulled off the FIU post hat-trick (three in a day... which no one has done since Rob got hopped up on pop rocks and Red Bull back in the fall of ought-five and ran off a string of 18 consecutive posts from 11:32PM to 5:09AM the next day), I've decided to do a little something... for the ladies. Because you deserve it... (SFW and SFTL - safe for The Ladies...)

Hawt!!

As a palate cleanser for that train wreck of a calendar I mentioned a short time ago, JRE sent me the link for this. Try and contain teh lust...

Do the Math

Check it out: This could totally change my lifestyle for the better! Of course my wife would go broke. Or I would if she took the quiz and charged me the difference. On second thought, this is the worst quiz ever. Via Instapundit

Embrace the darkside of the force

I'm trying to decide how to term this for my christmas list for the wife because by my thinking a redheaded Leia belly dancing would be the shit.

More advice for Hood

FORTHECHILDREN!!!1!

If you post it ... they will come.

File it Under: We're the Florida Marlins of the blog world

The weblog awards are upon us again. To be honest it almost flew under my radar but I saw that Ace got nominated and it jogged my memory. Wow, how the time has flown. Speaking for myself, this time of year makes me introspective. I remember our first run into the weblog awards. We had the shoddy luck of being classified in the same group with Dave of Garfield Ridge. We came in second, but it was a distant second. Then last year we somehow managed to win our grouping. It was high times. It was our FIU bull market. This year, if we were nominated, we'd be competing in the doldrums. In retrospect, it makes you wonder. How did the winner of the 5001-6750 category slide so far so fast? After an introspective look back I'm going to blame it on one thing: People quit caring about Uma Thurman's thong. That's all that it took. 1 and done, baby! 1 and done.

Vacation Destination: Israel?

If you enjoyed PB's links from yesterday then these ad spots for Israel should dovetail nicely. I would love to visit Israel one day - it is a destination of mine - but for sake of harmony, I won't pitch this angle to the wife-to-be.

We're not lost: A woman's guide to "What? I know where I'm going!"

Sadly, due to the proliferation of women that believe that they are somehow equal or better than men, there is in our culture a narrative that must be addressed. This of course is the common female story shared in between the stories of stretch marks vs bikini exposure ratio and pictures of the kids at the beach. It is the inevitable story about how a woman's husband got lost and refused to ask for directions. This urban legend has persisted for ages despite many clenched teeth issued reassurances that we men know exactly where we are. In this post we will, for the first time, explore this myth and explain the science that proves once and for all that men know exactly where they are. Men and women, as most people could tell you, have distinct physiological differences. These differences allow for a certain degree of tasking prowess to be innately possessed by one sex or the other. While breasts give women the natural advantage in feeding children, getting free drinks at bars and winning wet t-shirt contest they pose a distinct disadvantage in other areas. Science has shown that the natural resistivity to electricity in water is low. As a result, women, due to their "fun pillows" and their increased water retention, do not have the same ability of their male counterparts to experience the natural load stone effect of the iron in human blood allowing for a physiological compass generated by the earths magnetic poles. This goes doubly for women with big ol giant saline transplants. This is also the reason that every woman that describes herself as once being "a tomboy" is twice as deluded about her hooters making her a bad navigator. Once the boob fairy came along and waved his magic wand, her sense of direction faded as the bazookas budded. A secondary reason that men and women find differences in navigational awareness is the difference between verbal and visual acuity. Women are typically verbal communicators. They, as a result, navigate by places that they have either conversed at or have conversed about. However, nowhere in there conversations is the spatial element taken for consideration. Instead their recollection is of "who said what to whom and what they really meant about that and does this make me look fat?" This information is unlikely to yield successful navigation. Men are a different breed in that we navigate by distance and landmarks and spatial relationships that are easily accessible to all men. For example, how far a distance to a store is to a woman includes the type of sale that they are having and the fact that she had a runner in her hose and that your mother never liked her. To a man the distance is regarded as the length "I ran in that State game back in high school" multiplied by "the distance I could shoot a rifle and take the head off of a lion, if I wanted to." See, there is nothing subjective in male calculations because they distances increase with each recollections at the same speed of the expansion of all matter in the universe. Our lies to ourselves therefore bind us to reality. The third reason that men an women argue whether or not they are lost has to do with math. While women are incredibly quick in the areas of math that has to do with figures like the actual cost of a sale item, "the amount of money I can hide from my husband" and "how much would I pull down if I just poison him and run off with the pool boy" they suffer in other areas. This is not an extension of algebra but of geometry and engineering. In female geometry, the shortest distance between two points is directly effected by hormones, hot flashes, what she's wearing that day, the distance to a Starbucks, what she saw on the lifetime channel and in direct proportion of the book sales of Oprah's latest endorsement. For men, the closest distance between two points is in relation to two things only: The time of the next sporting event and the distance furthest away from his mother in law. In terms of engineering the problem is one of conversion. Men know that a standard "foot" is 12 inches. However, women have constantly been told that a foot is 12 inches while typically only be exposed to about 6 inches. This false conversion, while nice for the male ego, distorts actual distance traveled in vehicles by a large margin. In looking at these factors we can see that men and women will more than likely never agree on whether or not the man is lost because of the huge difference in methodology of measurement and navigational reference. Due to the physiological, navigational, spatial, mathematical, geometric and engineering differences it is unlikely that this gap will ever be bridged in this life time. However, hopefully this will shed some light on the issue and raise awareness that the answer for women, who mistakenly believe that their husbands are lost, can adapt for practical purposes: We know where we are. We have no idea why you think we missed the exit. Your mother was closer if we turned that way, we could feel it and we're taking your fun pillows away from that as fast as we can. No, that dress does not make you look fat. It accentuates your natural curves. Can we get some road head? By adopting these point, I believe that we can put this myth to rest or at least maybe get a little more road head, which is a good second place in our book.

Ok... and now for something completely different

I found this site and .... Wow! Seriously, that's all I got. For the link impaired: What is Christian Domestic Discipline? A domestic discipline marriage is one in which one partner in the marriage is given authority over the other and has the means to back the authority, usually by spanking. A Christian Domestic Discipline marriage is one that is set up according to Biblical standards; that is, the husband is the authority in the household. The wife is submissive to her husband as is fit in the Lord and her husband loves her as himself. He has the ultimate authority in his household, but it is tempered with the knowledge that he must answer to God for his actions and decisions. He has the authority to spank his wife for punishment, but in real CDD marriages this is taken very seriously and usually happens only rarely. CDD is so much more than just spanking. It is the husband loving the wife enough to guide and teach her, and the wife loving the husband enough to follow his leadership. A Christian marriage embodies true romance and a Christian man a true hero. Though this seems unusual in today's United States, this kind of marriage has been practiced throughout history and is still practiced in many parts of the world today. I consider this one slightly dumbfounding minus the term "slightly."

Friday's Mineral porn

COLEMANITE Chemistry: CaB3O4(OH)3-H2O, Hydrated Calcium Borate Hydroxide Class: Carbonates Subclass: Borates Uses: an ore of boron and as a source of borax (a cleaning agent and useful industrial chemical) Colemanite, like other borates, is a complex mineral, that is found in playa lakes and other evaporite deposits. The basic structure of colemanite contains endless chains of interlocking BO2(OH) triangles and BO3(OH) tetrahedrons with the calciums, water molecules and extra hydroxides interspersed between the chains. Colemanite is a secondary mineral, meaning that it occurs after the original deposition of other minerals. The mineral borax is directly deposited in arid regions from the evaporation of water in intermittent lakes called playas. The playas form only in rainy seasons due to runoff from nearby mountain ranges. The runoff is rich in the element boron and is highly concentrated by evaporation in the arid climate. Eventually the concentration is so great that crystals of borax and other boron minerals form. Ground water flowing through the borax sediments at the bottom of the playa is believed to react with the borax and form other minerals such as colemanite. Colemanite is found in geodes within the borax sediment; its exact means of formation are still not well understood. Colemanite forms small but richly faceted crystals. The short prismatic habit is typical and good crystals with complicated faces are sought after by collectors.

Query

The top ten things I think when I read our blog. 10. When are they going to do more "Chicks with guns" posts? 9. Who shot JR? 8. Paper or plastic? 7. Why does Diana put up with these dorks? 6. Hoodlumman? I mean "Hoodlumman?" What's up with that name? 5. Did the flamingoes ever launch a counter attack? 4. Will Rob's wife ever guest blog? 3. Can we get Rob to not blog? 2. What ever happened to the Carnival of Crazy? and my number one question: Ok, Step 1: "Blog" is complete. We get that. When is Step 3: Profit! going to kick in?

Know your 'frenemy'

CNN has an article up about girls having a 'frenemy.' You know, like those girls who are friends yet constantly compete and back stab and stuff like enemies? Think of their example of Paris Hilton and Nicole Ritchie. Anyway according to their expert du joir: Females are more competitive with their friends than men due to cultural circumstance, Apter theorizes. "They (women) sometimes idealize their friendships -- they should only be loving and supportive -- whereas the wider culture allows men to enact the inevitable competitive feelings openly, without feeling ashamed or guilty," she says. Every friendship -- no matter how solid or tentative -- has mixed feelings of support and antagonism. Apter says that "among female friends there is also something else: a wish to offer support and see a friend thrive, on the one hand, and a fear of being left behind or out-shone, on the other." In essence, the "hate" part of a love-hate relationship isn't really hate -- it's envy or insecurity. In this day of civil rights and equality, I want to call bullshit. I think that the media has allowed this phenomenon to gain traction in order to appeal to the fairer sex as a way to pat them on the back and say "It's OK if you act like psycho-bitches to each other because it's only the result of you repressing your competitive natures in order to be nice, unlike the knuckle dragging brutes over there." Sure it sounds coffee table smart but lets call this what it is. Women hate to see anyone have fun. Think about it. Example: There are all these rock bands out there kicking ass and taking names. The along come the PMRC, the Parents Music Resource Center, crapping in the punchbowl. Who started it? 4 women: Tipper Gore, wife of Senator and later Vice President Al Gore; Susan Baker, wife of Treasury Secretary James Baker; Pam Howar, wife of Washington realtor Raymond Howar; and Sally Nevius, wife of Washington City Council Chairman John Nevius. Example 2: Who always stops you from running with scissors and playing with fire? Your mom. Example 3: Which sex complains of you being "distant" and then "has a headache" the rest of the night except during the last 1:23 seconds of the third period of game seven of the Stanley Cup finals? We men have lived with this for decades but considered it the price we had to pay for maintaining the patriarchy and having sex. But then all of a sudden women wanted to vote, which corresponds with the decline of western society, and they wanted equal pay, which corresponded with a rapid increase in credit card debt in America, and then finally they took away sexual harassment, which corresponds with workplace shootings and fung shui. OK, fine. So now your equal. So why would women expect other women to give them a break now that were in the middle of the pinnacle of women's lib? Hey, you guys wanted to be treated equal to men? Live it up. Treat each other the way you treated us for centuries. As for us guys, we don't have 'frenemies.' All we have is "dudesthatwanttoboneyoursisterorgirlfriend" and they are a lot easier to deal with because you just make sure to peg them in the balls during hockey practice. So, in summary: Women. Equal Rights. No fun. Hockey. Puck to the balls. I can solve any world issue on a Monday after 4 cups of coffee. Update: I forgot that animals hate us too.

Men's Health Study: Sex is good for your heart

Need another good reason to have sex? Well, Irish researchers believe they have one: It's good for your heart, according to a report in Psychology Today. Researchers from the University of Bristol and Queen's University of Belfast studied 2,500 men ages 45 to 59 for 10 years and found that men who have three or more orgasms a week are 50 percent less likely to die from coronary heart disease. The findings also suggested that sex can be used to help prevent heart attacks and strokes as a means of fulfilling the recommendation for sustained physical activity for at least 20 minutes, three times a week. Other suprising data that they uncovered in thier studies: ~ Watching football (soccer) will make men better fathers and husbands ~ Drinking Guiness and Harp will cause men to be romantic ~ A daily regiment of recieving multiple blow jobs from their wife will make men extra alert and attentive to thier wives. (Seriously guys, I keep telling you women aren't going to buy our whole "Science/health" angle. We need to go with the "shoe sale" idea or the "exteme nightly drinking kills fat and increases boob size" angle if we really expect to score more sex. Those scientist are cracked. Besides, they're scientist, like they're authorities on getting laid?)

For JR and Hood

World of Whorecraft star Mia Rose has been banned from World of Warcraft. Mia Rose is a hardcore gamer as well as being a pornstar, who appeared in several episodes of World of Whorecraft. Rose told the website Kotaku.com that she was banned from the World of Warcraft over the weekend after a fan recognized her and mentioned her website in a public chat area. Yeah, God knows that Blizzard needs to protect the sanctity of their gaming brand from porn stars and porn because there couldn't be any possibility of a marketing demographic crossover there. Right guys?

What we call "not a good day" at work

Here's what happened the last time we let Hood and JR on a well site Here is a dramatic reenactment of the events that led up to that fateful moment.

A musical Dedication

Dear Lindsay Lohan, Here's a club fav for you... your compadre, Rob

Fighting the burn

Politics has me a little torched out. I'm glad I'm not in class right now because work has gotten a little weird. I have a new "above me but not my boss" person to break in. (I'm sorta the community bitch in my office.) Mostly, over all I just feel weird. SO, I'm going to post a little random. It might suck, but then you guys don't have to read it. I figure that it's better than nothing and a lot better than just wigging out. So here is a video to a song that I made out with a girl to once. I'm not sure why but it's just one of those things that sticks with you. I think it's because the girl looked a lot like Bjork and the song was Bjork. She was a really short girl, like 5'2'. For the record, I'm like 6'2". In the end we only went out twice because her dad was Thai and he didn't want his daughter to date white guys. Great plan moving to Dallas, Einstein. Here is a video of my favorite group doing what was their best song in the Early 90's. It was the song we were playing the night that we were throwing water balloons into the lowered pickups of all the "cool kids" outside of the Taco Bell. They, of course chased us, but when they are in a lowered truck and I am in a jacked up truck "terrain" is the name of the game. Not the smartest thing i ever did, but damn fun. Here is the song that I danced to the night that I went to an episcopal camp and was "the guy" to dance with at their dance. Was I a good dancer? Hell no. I'm baptist, I can't dance to save my life. But as the "baptist guy" there, I was the poor mans substitute for the "bad boy" at a church camp full of Episcopal girls who had gone to the same camp with the same guys for years. A lot of those girls felt it was their destiny to rebel against their parents by kissing "the baptist guy" at camp, so who was i to stand in the way of progress and rebellion and the like? Finally, this was the song, or at least the music, that made me wish that I played guitar. It's from the movie Crossroads. This scene is at the end where Ralph Macchio plays (actually Ry Cooder plays the guitar for his parts) against the Devil's guitarist (Steve Vai) for the soul of his friend who had traded it to the Devil way back when at the crossroads for a "mojo hand." So now, you've had a small exposure to musically odd Rob. I'll cap this with a song that I want to dedicate to all the ladies.

From Russia with Love

I just wanted to steal that title before Hood could use it. I talked to our blog defector over in mother Russia last night via the wonders of the interweb. Hes says that things are good, the cold potato soup is surprisingly great for vodka induced hangovers, that all the FSB agents don't drive the newest top of the line BMW's contrary to the movie and that Moscow is expensive but the whores are still cheap. However, he has picked up a tail. I guess that Treadstone has turned on him. Right now, he's shacked up in a Russian bath house with a ex-tank commander named Dimitri and a narcoleptic ballerina. He says she dances as graceful as a swan, until she passes out mid spin and folds like a wino ripped on cheap mad dog. Anyway, we have some speCIAl friends working to get him out of the country so he can get back to blogging. He should be stateside soon, well that or disavowed. So If my next post is filled with stuff like "Hood-who, never heard of him" then just follow my lead or the men in black might visit you, and i don't mean the Johnny Cash fan club. This leads me to friday's question: If you were in a dark alley with thugs o plenty, do you want the Matt Damon "Jason Bourne" or the new Daniel Craig "James Bond" to have your back?

More "catch up"

Talc is an important industrial mineral. Its resistance to heat, electricity and acids make it an ideal surface for lab counter tops and electrical switchboards. It is also an important filler material for paints, rubber and insecticides. Even with all these uses, most people only know talc as the primary ingredient in talcum powder. Mineral specimens are not very common as it does not form very large crystals. However, it often replaces other minerals on an atom by atom basis and forms what are called pseudomorphs (false shape). The talc takes the form of the mineral it replaces. A specimen of what looks like milky quartz is quite a surprise when it not only has a soapy feel but can be scratched by a fingernail. (As an aside, don't use talcum powder on babies, especially little girls, or on any part of your body that is near "soft muscle or mucus membranes. Talcum powder has been linked to cancer under those circumstances. Numerous studies have shown a strong link between frequent use of talc in the female genital area and ovarian cancer. Talc particles are able to move through the reproductive system and become imbedded in the lining of the ovary. Researchers have found talc particles in ovarian tumors and have found that women with ovarian cancer have used talcum powder in their genital area more frequently than healthy women. Talc poses a health risk when exposed to the lungs. Talc miners have shown higher rates of lung cancer and other respiratory illnesses from exposure to industrial grade talc, which contains dangerous silica and asbestos. The best thing to use is corn starch.) Magnetite is a natural magnet, hence the name, giving it a very nice distinguishing characteristic. Explaining the magnetism is not easy but here is a go at it. Remember, electricity produces magnetic fields just as magnetism produces electric fields. Magnetite is a member of the spinel group which has the standard formula A(B)2O4. The A and B represent usually different metal ions that occupy specific sites in the crystal structure. In the case of magnetite, Fe3O4, the A metal is Fe +2 and the B metal is Fe +3; two different metal ions in two specific sites. This arrangement causes a transfer of electrons between the different irons in a structured path or vector. This electric vector generates the magnetic field. Hornblende is actually the name given to a series of minerals that are rather difficult to distinguish by ordinary means. The iron, magnesium and aluminum ions can freely substitute for each other and form what have been distinguished as separate minerals. The minerals are given the names Magnesio-hornblende, Ferrohornblende, Alumino-ferro-hornblende and Alumino-magnesio-hornblende. These minerals are obviously named for their chemistries although there is little to distinguish them in the field. The iron rich members of the series are a darker black and less likely to be translucent. Hornblende is not often a collection mineral because good crystals are somewhat difficult to find even though the mineral is widespread. It is almost always opaque and black and not very attractive. However a few specimens are extraordinary and make for valuable specimens. Some crystals can grow to a fairly large size of several feet long and nearly a foot across. Other specimens of hornblende can be acicular clusters or needle thin crystal aggregates. Many times a specimen of a more valuable mineral will be accented by the opaque black crystals of hornblende.

Making up for lost time

I realize that I've really dropped the ball on the "mineral porn" so here's some catch up work. Sulfur, which is given a bad reputation because of its odor, can make a very beautiful mineral specimen, and fine quality examples are much sought after. The unmistakable deep yellow color is not matched by any other mineral and the nicely shaped crystal forms of sulfur add to its attractiveness. As for the odor, this occurs when water mixes with the sulfur and a small amount of hydrogen sulfide (H2S) gas is produced. Although only small amounts of H2S form from just moisture in the air, it is a powerful odor producer and is the dominating contributor to the odor of rotten eggs. Rest assured, though, that most specimens of sulfur, when kept dry, do not emit a strong odor and this is not difficult for collectors of fine sulfur specimens to ensure. When someone lists the most famous gemstones such as diamond, topaz, aquamarine, emerald and garnet, corundum does not usually get mentioned. However, its two varieties are sure to be on any list of gemstones. The red variety of corundum is known as ruby and all the other colors of corundum are known as sapphire. Corundum is the second hardest natural mineral known to science. The hardest mineral, diamond is still four times harder than corundum. The hardness of corundum can be partially attributed to the strong and short oxygen-aluminum bonds. These bonds pull the oxygen and aluminum atoms close together, making the crystal not only hard but also quite dense for a mineral made up of two relatively light elements.

My head is about to explode

Today was my physics final. Today, I also finished a project that has been on me like a ton of bricks for the last 3 weeks. For the last little while, I know that my posting has dropped off. It hasn't been that I haven't had anything to say (perish the thought, Lord knows I'm a loudmouth) I just haven't had any time to say anything. I intend to correct that. Just not right now. I won't know what I got in my physics class until later but as long as I pass I really don't care. Seriously, I could give a rats ass. One has to lower the standards when one works 40hrs a week and then puts in an additional 30 hours of overtime in before studying, but until school pays the bill thats just how it has to be. So to make sure we're all on the same level: GPA's don't transfer. So my plan, for tonight, is to maybe go look at getting a new car, to watch "Anchorman", which I've never seen but everyone swears that I would love, and to make suggestive, thinly veiled advances at my wife while sipping Jim Beam.

THONG

I felt that the "thong" tag has been under-utilized. So, if you were king of the world and all mankind were forced to answer your decrees, whom would you make wear a thong in public and why? Me? Today, I feel very "out of the box" so I would pick Katie Couric, because it would help her ratings to be on the News wearing somewhat visibly just a thong. Creditability? Not so much. But ratings? Yeah, it would help. So that's my choice because I'm a giver.

The biggest PSA I have done EVER!!!!!

Sometimes, just sometimes, a man discovers something in a place that he would never expect to find anything and he says "holy crap!" That's right. He actually stops and audibly says "Holy" followed by "crap." It's that damn big. Yesterday was one of those moments. I was in the car and I was talking to my wife and she told me something that almost made me wreck the car into SUV in front of me in sheer joy too vast to allow a man to touch the breaks because there ain't no stopping us now. She was telling me that while watching a chick daytime show, called Rachel Ray, that there was this doctor on there to talk about curing and preventing cellulite. As dudes, we know this as "cottage cheese." Women know it as "the evil that must be fought at all costs." Therein lies the greatness. It's something that both sexes are against. So how do women stop, or prevent, cottage cheese butt/thigh/leg? My wife told me and I almost died. Straight from the Dr's mouth and Rachel Ray's site: Dr. Lionel Bissoon, author of The Cellulite Cure, stops by to debunk some of the myths about cellulite and to pass along information on a new technique he says can get rid of it. The three Cellulite myths: Myth #1: Only overweight women have cellulite "Ninety percent of women have cellulite," says Dr. Bissoon. "Everyone thinks that overweight women have the most cellulite but it's the exact opposite: Thin women have the worst cellulite. Men get cellulite too, about five percent of men get it. The youngest guy I've treated was 21." Myth #2: Exercise can burn off cellulite "Between 25 and 35, estrogen is going down and that's when the cellulite starts to show its ugly face," says Dr. Bissoon. "The other cause is lifestyle. Exercising helps, but it's not going to take away cellulite. It will just work on prevention." Myth #3: What's underwear got to do with it? "Elastic is like a tourniquet," Dr. Bissoon explains. "It goes across the buttocks and cuts off circulation, causing dimples. These things are absolutely bad for you. Throw the grandma panties away! Get lace, no elastic. The lace across the groin is perfect -- no tight elastic. To prevent cellulite at night, sleep naked." Every married man in America, here is the direct link to that. Print it and stick it on every piece of underwear that isn't a thong or lacy. Burn your wife's "comfy bedtime sweats." Your saving her from the evils of cellulite. You can thank me with currency. I don't mind. My work here is done.

Conversations with my Mom: Or "Why I'm so much cooler than the 'normal' kids"

IM recieved at 10:25 this morning from my mother: Alba or Beil? IM replied to Mother, via cell phone: Biel, hands down Later Phone call: Me: SO why the Biel or Alba question? Mom: I was just curious what you thought. I just don't see Alba as "sexy." Me: Sure. Not to take anything away from Alba, because she's hot but it's not in a "sexy" hot. Biel's sexy is erotic. Alba might be a freak, but you know Beil is a freak. Mom: Yeah, Alba is too "little girl" cute. Now, how many of you rate chicks with your mom? See? My mom kicks ass. In a related vein, I have a new contraversy for the educated FIU reader. Danica Patrick or Milka Duno or Sarah Ficher Debate!

Topical discussion

So the other day, I'm having a conversation with a friend and in the middle of it his phones buzzes indicating that he has a message. While talking, he checks it, pauses and laughs. I ask him "What?" He informs me that his wife just sent him a picture of her, as we say in Texas, "buck naked." It seems that she was making the point that he shouldn't make plans that night. This kind of touched off a discussion between us and I was wondering what the FIU bloggers take on the subject is. My contention is that since the advent of digital imaging, and therefore the lack of need for development, more people are taking naked pictures of themselves, making movies of themselves and feeling less restrictive about showing them because they can actually be done privately. He thinks that increase in popularity of porn is the key factor in the increase in people doing this, not the availability of technologies that allow people to discreetly send these images. I feel that my position has merit because it was a picture that she obviously didn't intend to share with anyone other than him, as opposed to porn, which is for public consumption. He countered with the fact that porn has made people feel that taking naked images of yourself for the purpose of enticing is more acceptable. SO, naked pictures... home made movies... personal porn....? I know that you guys and gals have to have opinions on that. Discuss.

Thursday's work advice for the day

Suggestion: When everyone else is going to be "out on friday" and therefore dumps things on you that they need by the end of the day, make a mental note to breathe deeply and consider these weird facts: ~ Wild flamingos are pink because they eat carotene-containing brine shrimps (one species) or blue-green algae (another species). Lacking such food in zoos, they turn white unless fed caroteniferous substitutes--carrots, beets, or red peppers in the old days, or the additive canthaxanthin today. ~ Salmon caught in the wild are orange because of their diet of crustaceans that contain carotenoid. The flesh of farm-raised salmon, which don't feed on crustaceans, is an unappetizing gray unless the fish are given the carotenoid astaxanthin. ~ The plumage of canaries can be changed from yellow to red if they are fed paprika during molt. How does that help? It doesn't, but it is weird. I also like to remember that at any given time the only thing that keep you from seeing every person around you naked is typically a 1/8" thick layer cloth. Which is sometimes a blessing and sometimes a curse. Then, I think about Jennifer Beil. Then I feel guilty about thinking about Jeniffer Beil, because I'm married and I'm way older than her. Then I think about pie. Normally, by the time I get to pie, I'm better. Back in the zone. Back in my happy place. With pie. And my wife. and maybe jennifer Beil, as long as the wife is there. So what do you do to calm down on "those" days?

Why Abstinence programs don't work and won't work

CNN has a story out about the newest findings on "Abstinence based" sex education programs. In the way that only CNN can, they titled the story "Study: Abstinence programs no guarantee" to which the skeptic in me is dying to reply "No shit, no one ever said they were." Still, my general avarice with CNN aside, for once I think we're on the same side. I was told a story once that I find fitting to share now: There was once a world renown anthropologist who went to study a reclusive tribe of people along the one of the major inland rivers of Australia. As he met the tribal leaders and earned their trust he was eventually allowed to live inside of their village. On his first day inside of the village, he was watching the interplay of social events surrounding the women and children down around the water's edge. The women were washing clothes and the children were playing in the shallow water of the river. Suddenly, a huge croc lurched out of the calm water and pulled a young boy under. The people at the water's edge all turned to look, but the only reaction that they had was to shake their heads in sadness. They then continued to work and play as if nothing had happened. Shocked, the anthropologist noticed that across the bank of the river two more crocs slid into the water and headed towards the people on the near bank. He stood up and began to scream and yell for them to get out of the water, as he hurried that direction. Most of the people ignored him, a few averted their eyes from him but none of them stopped what they were doing. The water exploded again as two more people disappeared under the brown murky waters. The crocs, apparently full, did not come back that day but the anthropologist struggled with how to make sense of what he had just seen. Later that day the men of the town came back from hunting and the anthropologist ran to talk to the leader of the tribe. As he began to anxiously tell the leader his story. The leader put his hand up to silence him. He said, " Stop. We do not speak about the crocodiles. And you must not speak on it any more." The anthropologist asked why. "We do not speak of the crocodiles because it is a sacred, natural thing. What it does is personal." The anthropologist was unwilling to let it go as he told the leader that it's obvious that people and crocodiles can live in the same area but those animals were a danger, he should warn his people. Still the leader told him to discuss it no more. Now surely, this couldn't happen in real life, right? If you know my sarcasm, you know the answer is: wrong. It happens here, everyday. Sex is like that croc in that it is beautiful and natural and can be part of our lives but it is dangerous as well. I'm of the mind that kids deserve to have a full ammo belt when they make decisions about sex. You can tell them about diseases and biology, but real sex education is a lot less textbook and a lot more nuts and bolts; pun fully intended. Sure, science nerds like myself can understand things like "why pre-ejaculate seminal fluid is actually more likely to fertilize the egg" but the average kid need to have that "boring science" barrier broken. They need to be told, point blank, that "pulling out" isn't even vaguely reliable. The need to be told, point blank, that a good orgasm may be the best feeling they've ever had but the biological purpose of that is still producing a child. They need to know that there are emotional, psychological, physiological and spiritual aspects to these decisions that are better decided before you're hot and bothered in the back seat of the car. They need to be taught that "girls give sex to get love" and that "boys give love to get sex." If we don't want to talk about it, I guess we can let them wander into that minefield on their own. I mean, hey, they have Paris Hilton and Anna Nicole to look to for information, right? So, color me in on the "against abstinence only programs" side of the docket. I don't consider cultural taboo and "protecting the children" to be a higher cause than actually equipping them. Likewise, as much as I wish it weren't so, society's morality today is so relative that the inherent moral stance of abstinence is questioned. I mean, you can be a slut and still be a good person, right? You can still be a "player" and deserve respect, right? There was a time, young folks, when the answer "no." Now? Well now sex is billed like your own personal Six Flags, where you can ride whenever, however and with whomever you want, with no consequences. That is, until it's too late and mister HIV, STD or pregnancy come along and punch your ticket. That's a dishonesty that is worse that those who refuse to educate kids. There is a balance in there, but it's not real popular. It's called "personal responsibility." It's where you take all the information you can find and use it to make judgements on your actions before you commit them. Hopefully, one day that will catch on, but for right now let's just make sure we educate people enough to give them the tools to make a decent judgement.

Friday's mineral porn

Pyrite Chemistry: FeS2, Iron Sulfide Class: Sulfides Group: Pyrite Uses: A very minor ore of sulfur for sulfuric acid, used in jewelry under the trade name "marcasite" and as mineral specimens. Pyrite is the classic "Fool's Gold". There are other shiny brassy yellow minerals, but pyrite is by far the most common and the most often mistaken for gold. Whether it is the golden look or something else, pyrite is a favorite among rock collectors. It can have a beautiful luster and interesting crystals. It is so common in the earth's crust that it is found in almost every possible environment, hence it has a vast number of forms and varieties.

Friday's mineral porn

This has almost become a friday tradition. Not that it's a bad thing. Chemistry: SiO2 , Silicon dioxide Class: Silicates Subclass: Tectosilicates Group: Quartz Uses: silica for glass, electrical components, optical lenses, abrasives, gemstones, ornamental stone, building stone, etc. Quartz is the most common mineral on the face of the Earth. It is found in nearly every geological environment and is at least a component of almost every rock type. It frequently is the primary mineral, >98%. It is also the most varied in terms of varieties, colors and forms. This variety comes about because of the abundance and widespread distribution of quartz. A collector could easily have hundreds of quartz specimens and not have two that are the same due to the many broad catagories.

Friday's Mineral porn

Native Silver Formula: Ag System: Isometric Colour: Silver-white, tarnishes ... Lustre: Metallic Hardness: 2½ - 3 Name: From Old English "seolfor", original meaning lost; Latin "argentum", silver. Copper Group Silver is used in jewelry, tableware, coins, scientific equipment and in photographic processes. Silver tarnishes black with a surface layer of Acanthite, especially when placed in proximity to sulphorous compounds. It is primarily found as a constituent of hydrothermal veins. It is often found associated with copper. Unlike Gold it is soluble in any oxydizing mineral acid.

My top ten reasons for not wanting to stop global warming

10. Meat thaws faster when you take it out of the freezer. 9. I hate wearing sweaters and I like girls in thongs 8. Polar bears need to drown because it's the "circle of life." 7. I'm from Texas. Driving on ice scares me. 6. Al Gore would quit his day job. 5. I'm too lazy to kill all the trees and cyanobacteria it would take to offset my CO2 emmissions 4. Letting the cows fart is the humane thing to do. 3. Glaciers have been adopted by the Gay and Lesbian League as their metamorphic complex of choice after I reclaimed volcanic intrusions with my motto "Inject her right with your porphry dike." 2. New York would be cool as an "American Venice", besides Jersey could use a bath. And finally, my number one reason for Not wanting to stop global warming: 1. Leonardo DiCaprio is my sworn enemy. Feel free to opine or add resons of your own.

Friday's Mineral porn

CHALCANTHITE Chemistry: CuSO4 - 5H2O, Hydrated Copper Sulfate. Class: Sulfates Group: Chalcanthite Uses: A minor ore of copper, various chemical uses and as mineral specimens. Chalcanthite loosely translated from the Greek means copper flower. An apt name for this attractive mineral. Synonyms include "blue stone" and "copper vitriol". Taste is a test that is used for some minerals such as halite and can be used on chalcanthite. Chalcanthite has a sweet metallic taste that is distinctive. However, it is not recommended as a test to be done casually for as was stated, chalcanthite is poisonous! If it is necessary, use a tip-of-the-tongue technique to minimize the risk. Chalcanthite is one of only a few water soluble sulfate minerals. This fact drives much of what is interesting about this mineral. It forms in the near-surface secondary oxidation zone of copper deposits usually late in the development of these deposits. Since it is so soluble, it may crystallize, dissolve and recrystallize again and again before the deposit is discovered. In wetter regions, chalcanthite is not found in large amounts (originally), but in arid regions, such as in Chile, chalcanthite is a major ore. Any sulfate rich ground water that might leach out copper from other copper minerals, will crystallize chalcanthite when the water has a chance to evaporate. In many copper mines, chalcanthite is an ongoing precipitate forming blue encrustations, crystal aggregates and stalactites right on the sides of the mine's shafts. It is this ease of crystallization that is the bane of natural chalcanthite crystals, at least with respect to mineral collectors. More often than not, excellent crystals for sale from mineral dealers are fakes or more specifically, artificially grown crystals from a solution of copper sulfate in someone's house or shop. If they are natural, they often have such a wonderful color, striking form and beautiful clarity, that they are then deemed too perfect to be real and thus regarded as fakes when they actually are not. What's a dealer to do?

Mineral Porn: Vivianite

Just look at that crystal structure! Chemistry: Fe3(PO4)2-(H2O)8, Hydrated Iron Phosphate Class: Phosphates Group: Vivianite Uses: only as a mineral specimen That's right, it's just for show! Color is blue, green and colorless, darkens upon exposure to light. Luster is vitreous. Transparency crystals are transparent to translucent. Crystal System is monoclinic; 2/m Crystal Habits include radiating clusters of prismatic, acicular, or fiberous crystals. Also earthy and encrusting masses. Often lines the inside of fossil shells. Cleavage is perfect in one direction. Fracture is splintery. Hardness is 1.5 - 2. Specific Gravity is approximately 2.6+ (average for translucent minerals) Streak is white or bluish green. Associated Minerals are siderite, sphalerite, quartz and some secondary ore deposit minerals. Other Characteristics: thin crystals are flexible. Notable Occurances include Maryland and Colorado, USA; Russia; Ukraine and England. Best Field Indicators are color and reaction to light, flexible crystals and crystal habit.

My label driven post

Some of our labels are seemingly under represented in the number of stories that we do so this is to correct that oversite: Here's a noce story about the Blue Thong Society, as well as their website. We'll follow that with a story about Hugo Chavez's newest choking of information, since he's the newest DICK-tater on the block. Who could forget to post about the ever-so-loveable donkey? Let's not forget our obligation to post on all things guacamole. SO never let it be said that we're neglecting our labels, we're just letting them age.

I'm reading "America Alone" by Mark Steyn

It looks like you have three choices ..... Believe the enviro-fascists: ... Scarlett Johansson in a fur-trimmed bikini paddling a dugout canoe through a waterlogged Manhattan foraging for floating curly endives from once fashionable eateries. Believe Nanny Pelosi: ... Scrap Scarlett Johansson's fur-trimmed bikini and stick her in a waterlogged burqa. Or, Get hitched and breed. A lot. It's a brilliant book. UPDATE: OK, OK!!

Pricing

I made a point over at the Sayanything blog this morning that the oil companies catch a lot of crap over their prices because of the signs we see every day while driving. For that reason, it's easy to see that you having price changes when it's illuminated and 12 foot tall on the freeway. But to prove that, I've constructed a few photoshops to illustrate the point loosely based off of actual pricing, or at least what i can approximate it to be. (BTW, JR was able to really help out with the last one after some exhaustive research. Good job , man.) Maybe we'd catch a little less crap in the oil and gas game if we changed our advertising and maybe a few other companies should be forced to put up big illuminated signs. What say you?

And so it begins, again

Today was, like it was for many other people, my first day back at school and in new classes. This morning, I started off with a biology class that had about 85 people. I found it funny that the class that I was in last semester, which had 35 students, has only myself as the sole representative in the second section. Either everyone failed, moved to a different school or decided to take different science credits because this is the only second part class that is being offered. I know that Hood and JR will also be sad because the stripper that was in my prior class isn't present. They had found it to be a scientific oddity and doubted my sincerity in discovering the only stripper that they have ever know of that actually was "stripping her way through school." To this day, they treat it like a thong wearing Sasquatch sighting. Later tonight, I'll start my historic geology class. Tomorrow night is the first second section of chemistry. So once again, I'll be carrying another 12 hours of science laden greatness in my head as I try to navigate things like being married, having kids (the third is on his way), working a 40 hour work week and blogging. No pressure, right? So as i start this one up and I consider my blog audience, what will this mean to you. First, probably less epic posts or at least less frequency of them. Second, I'll probably bitch about those younger students because they're too young to realize what potential they are pissing away, much like I did at that time. Third, no "stripper's in science" updates unless the other classes enrollment provides otherwise. Finally, I'm hoping the stress induces some weight loss along with the naturally genetically occurring hair loss. So if you pray, I'll take whatever you can spare me. If not, they kind thoughts, positive energy and money are always nice to send my way. But, if you're considering prayer, because it's cheaper than sending money, then by all means please do but toss something for your self in there because it's like a buy one get one free for first time prayers. You know, spiritual beginners luck and what not.

Mineral Porn: Orthoclase

Orthoclase Chemistry: KAlSi3O8, Potasium Aluminum Silicate. Class: Silicates Subclass: Tectosilicates Group: Feldspars Uses: mineral specimens and in the porcelain industry. Specimens Orthoclase is a polymorph of other minerals that share the same chemistry, but have different crystal structures. If positive identification between these minerals can not be made by field methods, then the specimen may simply be referred to as a potassium feldspar or K-spar. Plagioclase feldspars lack potassium, are light colored and are usually striated. The other k-spar minerals are sanidine, microcline and anorthoclase. Orthoclase is the more common of the k-spars. PHYSICAL CHARACTERISTICS: Color is off-white, yellow, or shades of red, orange to brown. Luster is vitreous to dull if weathered. Transparency crystals are usually opaque, may be translucent or rarely transparent. Crystal System is monoclinic; 2/m Crystal Habits include blocky or tabular crystals. Crystals have a nearly rectangular or square cross-section with slightly slanted dome and pinacoid terminations. Twinning is common. (see above). A psuedo-orthorhombic or psuedo-trigonal variety, found in alpine veins is called adularia, and forms more flattened tabular crystals. Cleavage is good in 2 directions forming nearly right angled prisms. Fracture is conchoidal or uneven Hardness is 6 Specific Gravity is approximately 2.53 - 2.56 (average) Streak is white. Associated Minerals are quartz, plagioclase feldspars, micas, garnets, tourmalines and topaz. Other Characteristics: some crystals may show opalescence and are called moonstone. Notable Occurrences are many but these are a few of them: Salzburg, Austria; Cornwall, England and New York, Vermont, Maine and New Hampshire, USA. Best Field Indicators color, lack of striations, cleavage, twinning if present and occurrence.

Blessed be the Saint

I would like to take a moment to recognize the Official Patron Saint of File It Under: St. Uma Thurman of the Sexy Thong Her three miracles are: She whipped the "Crazy 88s." She snorted heroin and lived despite the fact that had previously been exposed to John Travolta dancing in his socks. She constantly manages to double our site's traffic and get daily hits for the picture of her thong from middle eastern regimes that beat their women if you can see an ankle. So, All Hail St. Uma! Warrior, survivor and middle eastern spank queen.

Cooking with FIU

Let's call them... say... Uma Snaps. With Butter Whip Frosting. ... if y'know what I mean. (h/t Diana) Technorati tags: baking, thongs, uma, google image searches

According to Blogger this is post 1,000

I noticed that we are officially posting the 1000th post with this very post. In order to signify this epic occasion, I think that I should post something "epic." Something that accents what we have contributed to the web in our time here. Something the world knows us by. Some know us for our politics. Some know us for our wit. But honestly, world wide we are knows for Uma Thurman's whale tail. Isn't that amazing! Everything that we have written has been reduced down to the fact that we are the guys that supply the web with pictures of Uma Thurman's underwear. That's our claim to fame. I know, try to hide your envy. Some people would take that as a sign to close up shop. To quit. To give it all up. Not us. We embrace our niche in this world. In fact, in honor of 1,000 post lets expand it. So Uma, meet Pamela Anderson, Mary Kate Olson, Gwyneth Paltrow... Geri Halliwell, Courtney Cox, Cameron Diaz... Penelope Cruz and Pink, as well as their respective thongs. It seems your choice of undergarments is the vogue one. With this post we can achieve political traffic of heights previously unattainable or we can at least post on US politics to the hackers in China and the government officials in Saudi Arabia. That's us, the USA's exporter of Celeb Badunkadunk. Which ever. We're not picky. Technorati tags: Celeb thong, Political underwear, attention whores, badunkadunk

Educating the masses...

Presentation is the key to most of human interaction. If we are trying to communicate, we have to be aware of what we are really saying. The hard part is that the rules that govern these things are subtle. For example: Butt cracks Totally gross, right. What could be subtle about that well, check this out: Is that gross? No. It's cute. Aww, look at the little baby's plumber butt! What about this: Very not cute. SO plumbers butt is cute on babies, but it isn't cute on adults. But wait, how about this: That's not just cute, it's sassy. So showing a little crack is sassy for girls. Not always: OK, that is not sassy, it's scary. Showing crack is something that only the lower end of the spectrum is ok with. Totally a white trash thing. Not for the image minded. Well... Uma Thurman is pretty image savvy. So where do these fall? Luckily, we no longer have to wrack our brains over these things as the boys over at Whale-tail.com have devised a fourm for such quandries. What is a "whale tail?" "A whale tail is the effect that happens when a girls G-string or Thong becomes exposed as she walks, bends over or squats. Actually whenever you can see that wonderful exposed thong in the shape of a whale's tail." Isn't nice to know that one day, with enough research, we can lick the problem of unsightly whale tail while perserving the species? Who said that we oil and gas types aren't conservation minded?